Sunflower

Chapter 25

The rest of the week flew by us without either of us even noticing, not that we did much except stay home and fuck until our bodies physically couldn't anymore "we should go swimming" I suggest while munching on my popcorn "you've got stitches, why don't we go to the actual movies? We've been hauled up all week" Theo says without looking away from the TV "to the movies?" I ask "yes, there's a new marvel movie out. You like marvel right?" Theo replies, I look over at him and can't help the flutter in my belly that he remembered something I must've mentioned maybe one time these past couple of months but then fear settles in. I've seen all of this before, the little moments, the flutters, stolen smiles. I can't deal with another heartbreak

"We should talk about what we're going to do when Andrea comes home in a couple of days"

"What is there to talk about? We just don't let her know"

"Right except maybe we shouldn't let it get past that. We've had a bit of fun, we fucked a lot and it was really great so maybe we leave it at that"

Theo finally turns to look at me with a frown on his face "we fucked a lot and it was great? I'm going to try not let that offend me"

"Theodore, I told you I wasn't looking for a relationship and this just became too serious"

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Sunflower, where the hell did this come from?"

"Where did this come from? You're asking me out to the movies, remembering little things about me? We're going past just fucking into a whole different territory here. This is not what we agreed on, it's sex with no feeling and nothing beyond that, look I agreed on not fucking anyone else because that's what you wanted otherwise we wouldn't anymore. And I didn't want to pass on the opportunity of good sex so damn easily"

Theo stares at me in shock at my sudden outburst and I don't blame him, I want him to get mad it will make things a lot easier "can you stop talking about what we're doing like that, it just sounds fucked up. I thought we were friends alright? Above whatever it is we're doing here, we are friends who hang out a lot. But you know what? Since we're just fucking and nothing else matters, let's end it before anything escalates. Let's do shit your fucking way Penelope" Theo grabs his phone and gets up "Theo" I call out to him, what the fuck did I do? Theo ignores me and just heads towards the door slamming it behind him

And I don't see him again the entire day, all my texts go unanswered and I have no fucking clue what to do

So try to call him again and it goes straight to voicemail

"Theo I'm sorry, I got freaked out about how close we have gotten. Please just pick up the phone, let's talk this out"

The door finally opens again, Theo steps inside with red rimmed eyes and clearly drunk. He glances over at me with a blank expression before making way for another girl to step through, my eyes widen and tears of betrayal swell in my eyes "hey" the girl says but I ignore her completely "Theodore" I practically croak out, the words feeling like glass in my throat "uh, who's she?" The girl asks degradingly "that's just my little sisters friend, nobody important" Theo replies guiding the girl up the stairs. I stare at their backs and then at the empty staircase long after they're both gone

I'm shocked that Theo did this, I - it's so out of character for him to behave this way. I know I said some stupid shit but I wasn't expecting it just end like this. I was scared and he just jumped at the opportunity to fuck another girl hours after a stupid fight? Why am I upset it's not like he owes me any loyalty, we're not dating

I made that pretty fucking clear so why does it hurt so fucking much? All of this is just fucking stupid

I lock myself up in my room, my phone buzzes. It's the group chat

CHAMBER OF SECRETS
Kelsie: can't wait for you to be back, just in time for Nellie's epic 23
Me: Epic?
Andrea: you'll see
Me: guys
Andrea: I know you're not big on birthdays but it's an excuse to get wasted
Me: yeah I need a good wasting
Kelsie: trouble in paradise?
Andrea: what's that supposed to mean? 🤔
Kelsie: Nellie and Theo are besties
Me: no we're not, we can cohabitate well together
Andrea: big word 😂 you're deflecting
Me: your brother has a girl over 🤢
Andrea: seriously? Theo isn't usually like that
Me: isn't that the reason you told me to stay away? Coz he'll break my heart?
Andrea: I lied
Kelsie: uh oh 🫠
Me: you lied?
Andrea: I was afraid of you breaking his, Nellie.

I stare at the screen for a few minutes the words floating through my head ringing alarm bells over and over again. I grab that pack of cigarettes Theo bought me, open up my window and light one up. That first drag burning my throat in the most satisfying way as if it's attempting to drag down the lump that's been formed

'I was afraid of you breaking his'

Tears roll down my face as the realisation finally sinks in. I fucked up one of the only good things that's been going on in my damn life, and all over what? Fear that he was going to treat me like Nick did? He proved himself better than that. Am I so fucking damaged that I broke the heart of a man who finally cared about me beyond what I look like naked? I mean I know he and I had great chemistry specially in bed

Oh fuck

I rest my head on my hands before taking another drag, I really screwed up this time