Sunflower

Chapter 16

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Andrea asks, Alex has booked a vacation for the two of them to go to Spain for two weeks to have some proper alone time now that they made it all official, Andrea is standing by her suitcases waiting for Alex to pick her up to go to the airport "as much as I appreciate the worry, mum, I am grown up enough to take care of myself while you're gone. You need to relax, you guys deserve this. You deserve this Andy, you have been bursting you ass at College and at Work now it's the time where you can indulge in good food, cocktails and lots of sex in a place where nobody else can hear you" I wink, Andrea smiles "I'm so excited and kind of nervous" she admits "I know, but you have no reason to be nervous. You and Alex have been doing this for the longest time anyways it just has a label now" I shrug walking into the kitchen, she follows me and I pour us both a mug of fresh coffee I've been making

"Aren't you going to be lonely?"

"Theo isn't leaving"

"Yeah but he's Theo"

"Good point"

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Of course I will, Kelsie isn't going anywhere so I will have her even though she's been working around the clock at that art gallery and if I get lonely enough I'll just go to a bar and find someone to keep my bed warm for the night"

"You're really enjoying being single aren't you?"

"Oh yeah, I've dated too much it is my time to fuck around. I do wish I had better taste in men, I mean I keep bringing home mediocre sex. I can get off better with my purple battery operated friend"

Andrea laughs while shaking her head but I just smile at her, she glances behind me and laughs even harder. I turn to look at a shocked looking Theo, his shock is short lived and over taken by that natural smirk he always wears "purple battery operated friend? Is that what girls are calling their vibrators now?" Theo asks, he shoulder bumps me softly before walking towards the cupboard for a mug "just a more polite way to say it in front of people" I reply "so that's what you've been using lately to get you off then?" He asks "asking a lot of questions there Theodore, it's beginning to look like you care about whether or not I'm cuming" I say "disgusting" Andrea asks "I'm just curious" he replies "creep" I add and Andrea laughs. Theo pours coffee into his travel coffee mug, hugs his sister goodbye and leaves without another word

She turns to face me again "on another hand I'm glad you guys are getting along now" Andrea says "Well he's not a dick anymore so that helps" I reply with a little smile "he was a dick in high school wasn't he" Andrea adds and I nod "I don't blame him, you know with the whole footballer stereotype he kinda had to be" I shrug "well you were a cheerleader but you weren't a bitch" Andrea points out "I've never fit into societies stereotypes" I smile "that is very true" Andrea replies, there's a loud honking from outside and we share a look. That's Alex's signal. I get up from the stool and walk her to the door, Andrea engulfs me in a giant and tight hug before cupping my face "don't get into trouble while I am gone" Andrea says "don't get pregnant while you're gone" I reply, she swats me on the arm and walks off "USE TO PROTECTION" I yell to Alex who pokes his head out the car window "FUCK THAT MY PULL OUT GAME IS FUCKING STRONG" Alex jokes earning a smack to the head from Andrea

I wave to them and go back inside to the now empty house, I look around for a second before deciding to change into my bikini and lay down in the sun. I might as well catch a tan since there is nothing else for me to do anyways. I grab my tanning lotion, a book and a towel to lay on before going out to the garden, I find the best place out in the garden where there are no annoying shades from the trees before soaking myself in tanning lotion and laying on my stomach. I open my book and instantly get lost in it

My phone buzzes breaking my concentration, I've been reading for over two hours. 'Text message from Nick'

Nick: - 'I'm sorry about what happened last week'
- 'I screwed up I shouldn't have come onto you that way'
-'Can you come outside?'

I stare at the screen for a few moments unsure of what to do, last time Nick and I tried to talk it went fucking horribly and I've been avoiding him ever since, going to clubs and bars instead of house parties, avoiding posting anything of where I am on social media just in case, I even contemplated on deleting his number. I grab an oversized shirt i brought down before going out front where Nick is pacing back and forth "I just want to end this right. I am sorry P, I messed up in every way possible with you and I can't just leave things like this. I know I hurt you really really badly but it was never my intention to. I still have feelings for you" Nick blurts out before I can say anything else "you have to stop trying to explain yourself to me Nick, it's over. You've made that very clear" I say "I'm sorry" Nick says walking closer to me "I forgive you" I say truthfully

"You do?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Because I can't move on from you without coming to terms with what happened. I can't keep holding on to something that I had no control over. I thought we were great together and then we weren't, there's nothing more to it"

Nick nods, he cups my face with his hand "for the record, I did love you"

"You just loved her more"

Nick gives me a sad smile "we're okay?"

"Yeah"

Nick kisses my forehead, then my cheek before kissing my lips softer than he ever has before. A final goodbye kiss to end this entire thing properly and it isn't like the last time he kisses me, this time it shatters my heart in a million pieces. He pulls away and kisses my forehead again before leaving. I walk back inside and lean against the door letting the pent up tears fall down fast and hard just like they did when we first broke up. I don't know why it hurts so much now, I knew that we were over and we were never going to get back together. I grab the fresh bottle of whiskey I bought yesterday, my pack of cigarettes and sit out on the garden drinking directly from the bottle just like I do whenever I just want to forget about life

Time escapes me and before I know I am staring up at the stars, tears still rolling down my face, half a bottle down and on my last cigarette when someone walks towards me and walks down on the deck steps before sitting down next to me, I hadn't even heard him get home but the fact that he's in his usual basketball top and t-shirt it must've been a while ago "it's a beautiful night" Theo says, I nod "are you okay?" Theo asks "no" I reply dragging a long drag from my cigarette "anything I can do?" Theo asks, I look at him and his eyes soften when he notices my tear streaked face "Nick again?" He asks "yeah we uh, we talked and finally put a real full stop on us" I say my voice cracking as more tears spill from my eyes, I finish my cigarette before chugging down a abominable amount of whiskey. Theo takes the bottle from me "come on" he says standing and offering me a hand but I shake my head, I physically can't, my legs are wobbly and mind woozy from the alcohol. Theo seems to have picked up on it so he picks me up bridal style and takes me up to my room

"I don't know why it hurts like this, we broke up three months ago"

"Maybe you still had hope that somehow you guys would fix this"

"I didn't want to fix it"

Theo tucks a loose strand of hair that slipped out of my bun behind my ear "well sometimes your heart keeps hoping for more when your brain knows that it's the worst thing that can happen" he says but it only makes me cry more "I hate him and I don't want anything to do with him, I-i know that I- just don't get why it fucking hurts. He's terrible" I whisper "I know you must've heard this a thousand times, but you deserve much better, Sunflower. Someone who will treat you right and that person is not Nick" Theo says, our eyes are locked together and for a second there my heart doesn't hurt anymore, the soft kindness in his eyes soothes me in a way I have never experienced before

He smiles slightly "you should sleep" Theo says and attempts to stand up but I rest my hand on his arm "can you stay?" I ask "of course" Theo replies and gets into bed properly, he opens his arm and I lay on his chest "thank you" I whisper and I can feel him stroking my back so so fucking softly that I'm having trouble staying awake

"You don't have to thank me, Sunflower"