Shadows

Seven

I was locked in my own bedroom and sitting on the bed with my legs curled up. I was trying to be as quiet as I could as I didn't want to scare Andre. It was sad to say that I knew something like this would happen. I began to rock back and forth. This would be the end of us. She would leave me. She'd be so afraid to be around me that we would do the divorce as quick as possible. I would put myself into a hospital and be done with it. I shouldn't be around people. I shouldn't have even had a son. I don't deserve to fall in love. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I turned so I could get under the covers. I heard the door unlock and Andre was standing there with Duane. "I'll be right outside this door." Andre said as Duane walked in. Andre shut the door and I sat up. I didn't want to see my brother. I was ashamed. Too ashamed. "She's okay." Duane said as he took his coat off. "How'd you find the place?" I asked. My throat hurt too bad to speak. "She called me from the hospital. She's fine. She'll be coming home soon." Duane sat next to me and I moved away from him. "You don't deserve me." I whispered. "Maybe I don't. But what you deserve is some help." I looked around frantically. It was a fear every time I heard that that maybe there were doctors around to take me. Without Divinity I was in constant fear. It was selfish to think that way. She deserved her own life.

Duane turned to me. "She's going to leave me isn't she? She sent you to relay the message?" "No." Duane said simply. "Are there cops outside?" I asked. "You can look out the window. It's just me." He said. I glanced out the window. "When is she coming home?" "I told you she would be here soon. What were you feeling before...this happened?" I was trying to remember the last thing I saw. Divinity taught me that anything I last saw would help. "Dad...and my mother." Duane sighed. "They still haunt you, huh? What did you feel?" I hugged my knees again. "Guilt. Anger. Resentment. Guilty that my mother took our father away. Anger that our own aunt had to compare my wife and I to my parents....resentment because of so much death." Duane was listening. "I've dreaded this day. I just...want a new brain. I want it to stop. I want Divinity to be happy. She deserves happiness more than I do. I've been cursed from the start and everyone I love dies. I could've...He could've done it. I play in my mind of every scenario as to how I would find her dead. Gunshot, smothering..." My chest began to hurt. "I promise you, I don't want to hurt her. Not me...but him." I began to cry some more. "I just want her to be happy. I hurt her and I swore I wouldn't." "But you didn't. That wasn't you. Even your friends say that wasn't you...but they're still afraid of you." I laid down before swallowing hard. "God, I could've killed her. I can't imagine my life if she passed." Duane was staring at me. "Divinity loves you. She still does. I'm not sure if she's afraid of you, but she does love you." My eyes were heavy from crying. "She deserves better. So much better. Someone that is one person. Not...many." He frowned. "Do you need anything?" Duane asked. "Just stay here until she gets here." I said. Duane stood before sitting on the floor with his back to the bed.

"So you said you cut it on a box?" The nurse asked as we were halfway through with my stitches. "Yeah...I-I was unpacking some stuff and the box fell off the shelf and cut clean through my arm." The nurse wasn't buying it. Matt was standing next to me in his trench and shades. I couldn't feel the stitches as the nurse had numbed it up. It was quiet in the room and I was shivering from the cold, or maybe the shock. "There we go. All done." She proceeded to wrap my arm before sending us on our way. Matt put his jacket around me before we go into his rental car.   I had my head leaning against the window. Matt and I didn't speak until we pulled up. Andre met us outside and I walked myself up to the apartment. I stood in the living room for a while. Nothing had been moved and my wine was still in the same spot on the coffee table. "Where is he?" I asked. "He's in the bedroom." Andre said. I slowly walked to the room. Duane was asleep on the floor and Prince was asleep in the corner between the dresser and the wall. His head was resting against it. "You gonna be okay with him?" Andre asked. "I got Duane if something goes wrong. You two should get some sleep." I said to Matt and Andre. They didn't disagree and I shut the door softly. Duane heard me and picked his head up but Prince didn't budge. I turned the light on and that made Prince stir before he opened his eyes and saw me. He curled up more, but I gave him a small smile. "Are you okay?" Duane asked. "Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay Prince?" Prince slowly stood and was holding his arm. "I'm okay...I...I'm-" I walked up to him but he was backing away from me. "Prince...I'm okay." He was so far against the wall and there was nowhere for him to go as the dresser was blocking his path. "No." He said. I gently touched his chest and his heart was erratic from fear. "Prince, look at me." I said to him. He kept his head down and I walked into his arms as he was holding the wall and dresser. I held him and was trying to keep him calm. His heart was beating so fast in his chest. "Prince, breathe." I said softly. He gave in and started to relax.