Shadows

Ten

College was going well, and a semester was finished. I'm glad we moved back home in time for Christmas, because I was able to get some time off from school until after new years. Prince and I had a schedule. In the mornings, he would drop me off at school while he went to Paisley to work. He was working on a new album and was excited about what he was working on. After school, he would pick me up and we would grab lunch before walking through the park, but since tomorrow was the first day of winter break, I didn't know how he would be. It was our first Christmas without our son. I was experiencing a bit of sadness and I know Prince was, too. He had to be.

I walked out of campus to meet Prince in his new yellow BMW 850i. I climbed into the passenger seat to lean over and give him a kiss. "Where are we going for lunch today?" He asked. "Hmm, we had Chinese yesterday. Mexican the day before. Why don't we just pick up McDonalds or Wendy's." Prince smiled. "I have been wanting some nuggets." Prince always drove fast in this car with one hand on the wheel while my hand was on his lap. "I think Jamie recorded a song. I found a legal pad of lyrics in the studio but I don't remember recording them. You can look at them when we get to the restaurant." I picked up the legal pad at my feet just to look at the title. "Sexy Motherfucker?" I asked him as Motherfucker was abbreviated. "Ohhh, that's what that means. I thought it was something else." I laughed a little. "Then yes, it was absolutely Jamie that wrote this." I said. Prince scratched his cheek keeping one hand on the wheel. We made it to the restaurant and I grabbed the legal pad before we walked in. We got our table in the back and it was just us.

When we ordered our drinks, I was reading the lyrics to this new song. "This is very Jamie. I can hear his voice in these lyrics." I said to Prince. His thumb was stroking over the diamond on my wedding ring. "Does it worry you?" I asked him. Prince shook his head. "I just didn't expect him to write something like this. Do you think I should put it on the new album?" He asked. "I think he would want that." I said. Our food came and I set the legal pad to the side while we ate. "What do you want to do for Christmas?" Prince asked me. "I'm not sure, my love. What do you want to do?" I asked him. He was picking at his food. "I don't know. I was thinking of flying Duane in. Maybe give him a job in security." I smiled. "Duane would love that. Do you want to fly Ruby in?" Prince shrugged. "I don't know." He said plainly. He put his cheek in his hand as he ate. "This Christmas feels so weird. I don't know what to do think of it, really." Prince said softly. "I know. It definitely doesn't feel the same. But we can embrace it. We still have family and friends to celebrate with." Prince nodded before reaching across the table to hold my hand.

We ate silently and I knew something was on his mind. "Can I take you somewhere?" Prince asked. I giggled. "Of course, and you're driving." Prince smiled softly as I realized we were driving to a cemetery. When we got to the cemetery, we got out of the car and I was following him down a cobblestone path until he stopped in front of two headstones. "These are my mom and dad." He said. I looked at the headstones. "I didn't want Dominic to be like this." He said squatting down with his hands together. "I can see why. I think we made a good decision to cremate him." I said softly. Prince put his hand over his mouth as he stared thoughtfully at the gravestones. I knelt down next to him. "Do you remember any Christmases with them?" I asked out of curiosity. "A little bit." He stood and I stood beside him. "Ma would've loved you." I had rarely heard him say anything nice about his mother. He never said bad things, but never good things either. "Do you want to be buried?" He asked. "Prince, we don't need to think about this for thirty years, baby." "I know I definitely don't. I spent the first eighteen years of my life completely alone in the dark...even being buried next to each other there's a foot of dirt between you. I want you to be cremated so our ashes can mix. So I'm never alone...and we can spend eternity together in the clouds with our son." My lip trembled when he said that and I turned my head to look at him. He had his eyes closed with a tear rolling down his cheek. I hugged him and I felt his hand in my hair as we were holding each other. "I love you, Divinity. You never deserved me...but I deserved your love from the beginning. God gave me you to be happy. To give love to others that never received any sort of love before. You keep me going. Although it isn't destined for us to have a child, I want to live to love you." I couldn't fight my tears and I pulled away to brushed the curls from his forehead. "I love you, too. There's nothing that can take you away from me. I was put on this earth to help you." I whispered to him. "And I was put on this earth to worship you for it." He said with a grin.