Mrs. Dawkins (The Artful Dodger) [TBS]

Part 43

My blood ran cold, my body felt sick as my stomach turned, my breath stopped short in my chest and my words froze behind my teeth. I knew he would mention it sooner or later... I mean we are to be married surely someday he would ask this. I just didn't think it would be now. I didn't know how to begin, or even if I wanted to. My first reaction was to get defensive.

"Why?"

"Forgive me," He said, "I was only being curious. You don't have to tell me,"

I felt worse, to deny him what must have seemed to him as so simple. "It- it's hard to explain,"

"How so?"

"It's just..." I began, "Complicated Jack,"

"You don't have to tell me-"

"No... I do... I... I want to." I admit, "I love you, I don't want there to be secrets between us."

"So you will tell me?"

"I will..." 

"I don't mind waiting until you're more comfortable to tell me,"

"No, I want to tell you." I nodded, "Can I ask... why you're curious?" 

He chuckled, "I don't know," He smiled and stroked my hair, his hand ran down my hair and his fingers brushed my cheek, he stroked down my jaw and cradled my neck his fingers sliding across the ribbon, "I guess I just... I've never seen you without it." He smiled, "Even at your ball you still wore it, all of our dates you have worn it, not once have I seen you go without it even in your nightie." he explained, 

"I know..."

"I mean... I don't mean to be crude here darling, but... I have seen you naked? I have had my lips on many inches of you, had my fingers and tongue over the intimate parts of you that no one has ever seen, you have allowed me inside you as the first man to ever do so, you have allowed my eyes on all of you... every inch but one." he explained with a sly smug grin, "Every inch but this." he said gently tugging on the ribbon bow not enough it would undo but enough that I felt it, "What is this that you hide from me?" he whispered, 

I held my breath but I sat up in bed, the sheets around me to keep me concealed from the cold air of the morning, I took his hand in mine, kissed it and moved it to my bow he looked into my eyes and I stared back, he slowly tugged on the ribbon the bow loosing slowly before it finally slipped off the red ribbon landing with a flutter on the bed between us, I knew he could see me. 

"Becuase I hide it... even from myself," 

His eyes walked over my neck. His face read of shock at first, then of a quiet rage, but melted into sadness a tear welled up in his eye, 

"Let me look-" He began reaching for my neck,

"Please. Do not look."

"I'm a doctor." he took my hands in his once more, "Let me look."

I nodded and slowly he moved closer his hands ghosted over my neck as gently as he could checking me over methodically, I did my best not to tremble, not to scream, the feeling of his hands felt soft and even in his grip, I felt safe. 

He pulled away and held my hands tightly, "What happened?"

I sighed and met his eyes, I knew this was a secret I couldn't keep forever and if I was to tell him now... I shall tell him everything. "Our life... was not always one of roses and silver." I began, "My father was born to a life of little, rags and bread soup in the slums of London. His family had nothing to their names he made his way doing what he could working himself to the bone just to eat and buy a pair of mismatched shoes. He dreamt of a life better than that... but this world is cruel to those below. When he met my mother... he loved her so endlessly, that man would lasso the moon or drain the sea or any other impossible task just to see her smile. But she too was nothing, a baker's daughter," I explained, "I was born, while they were unmarried, living in a back alley not far from Clerkenwell Green, my parents did everything they could to give me a life but it wasn't enough. My father tried and tried business after business but everything failed before it even began, we had nothing to our name, and one more deal went wrong and... it was over. We had no home, and no money, we faced the workhouses or worse. And my mother... in her moment of weakness knowing there was no future for us, knowing the fate for us," I explained letting my tears fall, "So one night she took me with her on a late night walk, we went to the park and she found a tall tree... there she hung rope. Three of them. One for father. one for mother. and one for me. So we would not suffer and starve on the streets but instead, things would end together without the pain and torment."

"No... She-" he began unable to even speak,

"she lifted me up on her shoulders put it around my neck and stepped away, she watched me as I cried, as I gasped for breath, as I held out my hand and begged her for help, but she only fixed her own." 

"How did you survive?"

"My father noticed us gone, and came after us, he broke the rope moments before I slipped away,"

"And your mother?"

"by the time he checked, I was breathing and got to his feet... she was already dead," I explained,

"How old were you?"

"Five,"

"My father promised me that night to keep me safe, and that he would never stop trying to give us a life we could be proud of, a life we would never wish to abandon... and not long after one business of his took off. The money came in, we bought all the things we had ever dreamt of, and brought this house and moved here."

"You have carried this scar since that day?" he asked as he stroked his fingers across the ropes scar that wrapped around my neck, 

"I have... but it's hard to face, so I hide it." I nodded, "I will keep it hidden when we are married I know it is not pretty," I began going to take my ribbon but Jack stopped me, 

"I think its beautiful," he said, 

"You do?" I was shocked,

"Of course, it's part of you." he cooed, "A scar of a life you have lived beyond what I once thought of you, and I think that is truly beautiful," He smiled leaning to kiss my neck and kissing my scar the whole length around my neck, "I will be delighted to see it whenever you feel comfortable enough to show it," He said, kissing my lips.

"Thank you, Jack,"

"You're welcome Y/n,"