who can i even trust atp.
the trust issues come back and haunt me.
-why did you tell her that-
-she could use it against you-
-why did you tell him all of that-
-he could use it against you-
-are they talking shit about you-
-do they even like you-
-how fake are they acting to cover up their hatred-
common thoughts circulate my head.
i thought i was doing well.
but everything-
everything is so out of reach
so confusing
messing with my head.
so many things
all the time.
curious
'what would it be like to date him?'
'would i like it?'
'would he be public with me?'
'would we be affectionate?'
'would he be excited to see me everyday?'
'would i feel more comfortable with him?'
why is it fucking with me.
why cant i be happy.
why cant i just not be confused
i finally had someone who loved me.
who loved me for who i was.
something more than platonic.
but i fucked it up.
because that's all i can do.
right?
i fucked up my relationship with c
i fucked up my friendship with ally
i fucked up my friendship with kal
i fucked up my (growing) friendship with j
im just a fuck up.
i dont know how i manage to do it
i just do.
and its all my fault.
