"Baby, if your feeling this way I think you should go to therapy" Maria broke the silence
"No" I sniff shaking my head "no never again"
"But Billie-"
"No Maria! I won't. Not after what happened"
"Do you think your gunna do that again?" She healed my hand speaking softly
"No.."
"Then I think you should give it one more try and if-"
"No-" I turn my head
"If it it doesn't work out" she grabed my face so I could look at her "if it doesn't work out then i won't bother you about it anymore, but please Billie. I need you to try"
she looked at me in the eyes letting me know she was serious
"You want to get better right?"
"Yes, yes I really do"
"Then you have to try" she whipped my tear "one session and if you don't like it then don't do it. You could do it online my love it doesn't have to be in person"
"Ok" I mumbled as I played with her fingers "yeah" I took a deep breath "ok" I smiled slightly
Her eyes lit up the second she saw me smile, god it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body.
Make her happy Billie
"Yeah. Ok I'll do it" I gave her a big smile trying to seem as genuine as possible
She smiled just as big as I did but hers was genuine
" I love you" she's looked at me with gentle eyes
"I love you too baby" I kissed her
"Let's go to bed" she stood up talking my hand
"The cake" I pointed
"It's fine" she waved walking down the hall
I stared at the shiny meddle with red dots on it as it layed on the floor
"Hold on" she kissed my head walking walking out of the room right when we entered it
She came back with her hand in a fist and walked into the bathroom closing the door
She tried to hide it but she had the blade in her hand. I heard a flush before she walked out
"What?" She giggled as I just stared at her
"Just love you a lot" I almost whispered
"I love you a lot too" she climbed into bed next to me
My eyes watered as I stared at her, how can someone be so sweet? She's bin hurt over and over by me and others but yet she's so sweet. How? She's a ball of sunshine, she goes through so much and gets hurt so much but she still burns so bright. How can someone do that? How does she forgive? How is she not mad at the people who hurt her? How can someone this beautiful this kind this perfect have such a hard story?
"What's wrong?" She whipped my tear
"Your so nice" I cried leaning my cheek into her hand
"Aww baby" she hugged me
"How are you so nice?" I sniffed into her shoulder smelling her sweet perfume that smells like clean laundry.
"What do you mean baby?" She giggled kissing my nose
"Nothing" I whipped my tears "your such a beautiful person Maria, you really are" I kissed her nose
"Your gunna make me cry" she giggled kissing me again
We just sat there looking at each other for a little
"Here" she pushed my elbows making my arms go up
I flinched as she started to pull my sweater off
"It's ok" she whispered
I took a deep breath and nodded letting her take it off. I had nothing but a sports bra under
She tried not to look but i saw her glance at my arm, I didn't care. I knew she wouldn't judge me. I was ok with her looking.
She took her shirt off and went under the covers opening them for me to crawl into.
She pulled me close to her looking deep into my eyes
"I love you" she whispers "you know that right?"
"Yes baby, I love you too" I smile
In all my past relationships they asked me that, I obviously said yes but I was really thinking no. But with Mari, I have no other answer than yes, she loves me. I know de does. I could see it in her eyes, she looks at me the same way I look at her. She loves me just as much as I love her. And god do I love her
She played with my hair as I laid on her chest
"Your so pretty" she whispered
"You are" I mummbled closing my eyes enjoying the head scratches she was giving me
She started humming, damn she was rocking that shit. I know in my bones this girl has a voice, she just doesn't show it
"Sing for me" I whisper
"No" she giggled
"Please?" I looked up at her
"I promise one day I'll write you a song if you leave me alone" she giggle
I shut my ass up soo quick
"Would you actually?" I smiled
"Yeah, I'll play piano and shit too" she giggled
"Would you preform it-"
"Your pushing it eilish"
"Fine. Can you publish it?"
"You can I'm not doing shit" she laughed
"Ok, I could live with that" I smile
"It's gunna be shit tho"
"No it won't, you got some pipes in you"
"But I don't got lyrics" she laughed
"It's ok, I'll love it regardless"
"Cringe"
"Yeah, so what?" I sat up
"Shush" she pulled me into a kiss before laying me back on her chest
"You like cringy shit don't lie"
"I never said I didn't" she went back to playing with my hair.
We continued to talk for a little while as soft music played in the back ground.
"Stay with me...I don't want you to leave" she softly sung along to cigarettes after sex
She sung this line a little louder than the rest, she made it have meaning.
"I will" I smile hugging into her more
"Good" she kissed the top of my head
I soon fell asleep to the sound of her soft humming.
God I love her
