Fins pov
"Billie we need to go" I sigh as she sat on the couch looking at the floor, she had no emotion in her eyes. It absolutely broke me
She just walked out of the house not saying a word she got into the car
"Hi Billie" star hugged her
She just looked at her
With the same look she had in Berlin when she was 15
We drove to the grave yard where Maria is going to be buried.
We all gathered around the grave and hole where they're going to be putting her in.
Everyone was crying , Maria's mom, dad, step dad, entire family and all her friends. My mom and dad me Claudia and star where also crying, everyone but Billie. She just stood there looking down, completely emotionless. The only movement she had was her eyebrow twitching
She had no more tears left in her. She was completely drained. Exhausted. People would go up to her hug her and give there condolences and she just stood there no words no small thank you smile nothing..
Her eyes had dark bags under them, her once icy Blue eyes where now gray and dark, and she was as pale as ever
I took both shark and Peter since Billie hasn't had the energy to take care of them
—
"Billie you need to eat come on." I sigh
It's bin almost a month since Maria's passing and I haven't heard Billie speak once.
She's always in her room or on the couch where Maria would sit, she would ware Maria's sweater and sit there for the whole day, listening to the song she made for her over and over again on her headphones.
"Billie? This isn't ok you haven't eaten in so long" I put the spoon infront of her.
She didn't even look at me. She put the volume up on the song and curled into a ball smelling the sweater
This broke my heart more than anything.
Billies pov
Blank
That's all my mind is...fucking blank.
I miss her so much, I miss her laugh, I miss her smile, I miss her sent, her voice, lips, nose, scars, hands, hair, I miss the love of my life. I even miss when she would yell at me. I would rather live the fights we had over and over again instead of this.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. This is the worst thing that could ever happen at all.
I can't even feel sad anymore I'm just there. I just want to hold her hand one more time, hug her, kiss her one more fucking time and no matter what I do I can't. And that's what kills me. I can't it's impossible
I have nothing left to live for, I'm nothing without her. She was apart of me she was me.
Miss is a understatement. I want her so bad. I need her next to me. I hate I fucking HATE that the last memory I have of her is looking into her lifeless eyes
Why couldn't it be us in our 90's? Why now? She's so young? We're still so young why? Where's our happy ending? We deserve it. After everything we've bin through
I can't sleep at night, every time I close my eyes I see her. I feel her limp body agents mine, I feel her cold hands and see her pale face. I feel the blood on my hands and cloths. But worst of all I see her lifeless eyes.
I have to hold onto my pillow and imagine it's her. Because I can't hold her.
It's even worse that she got token from me by someone else, not by cancer, not in her sleep, someone ripped her from my arms, this is all my fult, if I didn't sleep with that monster none of this would have happened, if I didn't tell Mari how I felt about her sickness , she would still be here with me. But being the pice of shit that I am, I can't have that. She's gone and there's nothing I can do about it nothing I do will bring her back to me. And I need her back.
I can't stand it. That's all I see when I close my eyes.
She was still Mari through it all. From the moments leading up to her death she was still Mari. And that's what I love
—
Please forgive me please forgive me
I pray. I have to be with her. I know she's in heaven. And suicide is the biggest sin you can commit, so I'm on my knees praying. Begging
It was either I kill that bitch or I kill myself, if I go with my first option I'll spend the rest of my life in jail and still not have Mari, so the second option it is.
I pull out a pice of paper and a pen
To the love of my life, I love you so incredibly much Mari, you are my heart and soul, my soul mate. I need to be with you again. I need to have you in my arms agin, and the only way I could do that is to leave this world, I know you wouldn't want me to do this but I have to, I can't live without you. I'm so sorry my love. I'm sorry I failed you Maria. I just can't do it anymore. I can't live life without you. I love you. This way we'll be together forever mama. I need that. I need to be with my wife, my forever love. I'm sorry
Your love- billie
I cry as I place the note on my nightstand
As I walk out of the house I feel something run across my nose and cheek
"Mari?" I whisper "hi my love" I smile
I get into the car and drive down the street entering the dark empty freeway
"Your so beautiful baby" I smile "there's so many stars sunshine, you love stars"
This is the first time I felt happy. I could feel her with me i feel at pice
I slowly start to seed up as I feel something holding my hand
I see a tree in the distance and push my foot fully onto the pedal closing my eyes and gripping into the steering wheel.
120.. 190.. 200... 230..
"I love you Mari"
Crash..
The end.
How are y'all feeling? I cried writing this. I'm so sad. So sorry the book ended like this but I love tragic love stories. Tell me how your feeling in the comments love you!
