Smerch finds a wife

The lanky giant of a man sits in his chair deep in thought about the question, he gently scratches his ginger beard and adjusts his glasses as he sits back in his chair letting out a sigh.

How did I find a wife? let me say it hasn't been an easy journey with many set backs along the way but, my quest has come to an end. where to start?...lets start with how it came about that I actually met her shall we?

It was just a normal day as he sat up in his bed rubbed his eyes and ruffled his hair, he blearirly grabs his glasses from his bed side as he proceeds to the bath room. He splashes water on his face and looks up into the mirror as he thinks what will become of his life? Will he always be alone? He continues to shower and brush his teeth before going down stairs.

He pours himself some cereal then sits down munching on his first mouthful, his phone goes off next to him he sees its Ricky and answers.

Hello? *hey Steve what you doing tonight?* Um nothing that I know of why? *I'm going to a party was wondering if you wanted to come?* Yeah alright I suppose.*cool I'll message you the details*

He continued eating his cereal as the message came through containing the address and time and he thought about the slim possibility that this party would be worth his time. He goes and gets dressed and heads out to the shop, as he walks along looking at twitter on his phone a man walks up to him. Hey your Stephen Merchant. Hello yes I am can I help you? Would you mind if I got a picture with you? No not at all. He leans down and smiles politely for the picture and bids the man a good day as he walks down the street, as he walks in the shop his glasses fog up this is not an uncommon occurrence he takes them off and rubs them on his sleeve as he puts them back on he notices an attractive woman looking at him he awkwardly walks off to the milk isle only to notice she is coming up behind him he continues to grab a bottle of milk as she taps his arm.

Hello...um? Hello. I thought I'd just point out that you are still wearing slippers. He looks down at his his feet embarrassed noticing he is wearing blue fluffy slippers with his trousers and shirt, he adjusts his glasses. I....I know there very comfy. He walks round the corner to the next isle in embarrassment as he thinks of course she wasn't interested who was I kidding, he grabs some bread and eggs pays and starts off home feeling very self conscious about his feet. He arrives back home after being stopped a couple more times for photos, he puts down his keys and puts his shopping away and chucks his slippers across the room he starts massaging the temples of his head as he sits down at the table. He looks up and sees his intensity hat across the room and smerks he gets up and picks it up dusts it off puts it on for a couple of seconds before placing it back in its former place, he decides he should go and pick out what he's going to wear later, he lumbers up th stairs and opens up his wardrobe. He flicks through and picks out a navy blue shirt and and a black suit jacket and trousers and places them on his bed, He heads back down stairs and makes himself a coffee and flips through a news paper not really reading it and lets out a long sigh due to boredom, he places the news paper down, takes off his glasses and leans on the table and rests his head on his arms, he decides to call Karl as he knows talking to the orange head will cheer him up but unfortunately he doesn't get an answer so he decides to waste his day watching films and tv until he has to go out later.

As it draws closer to the party he decides to have another shower and get ready, he splashes on a bit of after shave and calls a cab double checking he's not wearing stupid blue slippers just as the taxi arrives Ricky calls to check that he is coming Steve says yes and that's he's on his way, as the cab pulls up outside he sees how big the venue is and wondering who's gunna be there, he slides his spindly legs out the car and and climbs out, he turns and pays the taxi driver and makes his way in the building. The lights were dazzling and the bar was huge he texted Ricky to see if he was there yet but he was stuck in traffic, Steve made his way through the crowd of people to the bar and ordered himself a drink. He looks around to see who was there he spots Karl's girlfriend Suzanne but not Karl so he decides not to go over, he takes a sip of his drink and as he looks up he sees a woman looking at him and smiling he decides to go over and talk to her but as he walks towards her he trips up and spills his drink all over her, she squeals. This dress cocts £200! I'm so sorry...I'll just...go and leave you alone s-sorry..again. He walks back over to the bar with his now empty glass hiding his face, he places his glass on the bar and turns around to see a girl with purple dip dyed dark brown hair and the most beautiful big brown eyes he had ever seen looking at him and smiling he assumes she just saw the whole humiliating experience and stays where he is but then she starts walking over to him.