TW:ED,SH,Arguments
Nicks POV
No matter what I do nothing seems to be good enough. Whether that's trying to be the "perfect" son or the "perfect" brother,I'm trying but nothing good enough for anyone.
I was sat at my desk editing but my room was a mess. There was clothes all over my bed,random cans,cups,foods that hasn't been eaten. It's just all everywhere but Matt and Chris have been shouting at me to get the editing done so I've just been so fucking fixated on editing.
I don't even remember the last time I drank something...My eyes squinted as I've been sitting in front of the same screen for 15 hours. "Nick! Your room is fucking disgusting clean it" Matt said leaving my room.
I shook my head fighting the tears that were begging to fall from my eyes,I just needed to finish this video...and the 173827 thousand others I have to do. "Yo Nick" Chris said making me look at him "hmm" I said as I continued to edit.
He snatched the computer out of my hand and I just looked at him "come eat something" he said rolling his eyes. "I-I'll eat later..." I stuttered,Chris knew what I was doing and that was the scary part. "No your going to eat now. You haven't eaten for 2 days." He stated.
"Chris I'll eat later! Just give me the laptop back" I said starting to get annoyed,I was thinking he would give it back but he just grabbed my hand and dragged me downstairs. "The fuck is he doing down here?" Matt questioned giving me a dirty look.
Chris just rolled his eyes and sat me down as he made me a sandwich,I just stared at it before realising Chris was watching me. "Oh for fucks sake. Nick just eat or go upstairs" Matt said,I ran upstairs (leaving my food downstairs) and locked my bedroom door.
I sat back in my bed only to realise Chris still has my fucking laptop.
🧡Chris🧡
Can you bring my laptop up
Please 🫶🏼
Sent:14:30
Seen:14:32
Sure.
Sent:14:32
Seen:14:32
I unlocked my bedroom door as Chris passed me laptop before attaching himself to me. "Nick...please don't kill your self...i know matts tiring you out but we know what road this is going" he said looking into my eyes. "Chris don't worry I'll be fine" I reassured him.
"Okay!" He said running downstairs with a massive smile on his face. I wasn't fine. I knew I wasn't going to be fine,I tell myself I'm going to be fine but I never am. I knew I was falling down a bad hole,I knew I was going to loose my battle.
"NICK WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU HAVE SO MANY DISHES UP HERE ARE YOU THAT LAZY?!" Matt shouted at me,I shook my head as my knee started bouncing. "Fucking stupid attention seeker" he mumbled walking out,the only thing I could think of doing is breaking down.
I could calm down so I took out some pills. Mom got them for me when things were really bad,she forgot about them and sure they cause some "small" side effects but no one will notice. I wiped my eyes and plastered a smile while editing,I made a few TikToks and posted on instagram. I focused again.
Nick fucking focus this needs to be done by tonight. My brain screamed at me I didn't know what to do,I knew it had to be out by tonight but who knew if I could even finish it. My brain wasn't focusing...when was the last time I slept? Probably a week ago.
I zoned out until Matt shouted my name making me flinch awake. "GOD! Is the fucking video done?!" He snapped I shook my head slowly "GOD FUCKING DANG IT NICK! ONE SIMPLE THING AND YOU CANT EVEN DO THAT?!" He shouted slamming his hand on my desk. I flinched and tear were building up in my eyes.
"Crybaby" he spat before leaving,I couldn't do this anymore. I went into the bathroom and took a blade from a razor,I took a shaky breath before placing it onto my skin and watching the blood drip into the sink. I gasped. I smiled at what I did knowing this was another way to get rid of my pain and struggles.
