confused ✯ ruby rose

ii.

When Ruby was driving me home that night, she asked if I would like to stay the night. Any other night, I would've said yes right away. My mind was just cloudy and I didn't know why I was being so odd and I knew Ruby was worried as well.

I felt weird and terrible for declining, but I needed to chill out by myself and think about things--not even think about things. I needed to watch a stupid rom-com and eat food by myself.

She walked me to my door like usual and gave me a hug, but this hug was different. It was on my end, I knew that. I hugged with more emotion and I don't think it was voluntary. It just happened. With my small arms wrapped around her tattooed body and my head resting on her chest, I felt at home. Ruby always felt like home.

I opened my front door and waved to Ruby, giving her a small smile and she gave me a knowing look but smiled back. Could she tell what was happening to me? If so, she needed to let me in on it because I had no clue.

I was never good with understanding myself. My emotions were all over the place and it made me so angry and confused and I just never knew how to deal with it all. I could always go to Ruby with my problems, but I suppose not this one. I thought it was all too much.

My mom greeted me with a hug and then I went to my room, getting dressed in a baggy t-shirt and some boxers. I decided on watching Boys and Girls with my dog Leonardo. He was 10 years old and still kicking. He stayed in my room a lot and cuddled with me when I was upset; this was one of those times. As I cuddled Leo and ate some of the dinner my mother cooked, I really tried to let my mind stray away from all the confusion, but somehow it always found me.

This wasn't normal. I liked boys, didn't I?

I didn't think I liked girls, but it was starting to seem as such. I was scared. What were people going to think of me? Were my friends going to leave me because I was. . . gay? What would my parents say?

Questions kept rolling and dashing through my mind, making me nauseous. I needed to stop thinking about it, now. I moved Leo from my lap and took my plate downstairs to the kitchen. My mom and dad were both sitting at the kitchen table talking when I entered.

"Hey, guys," I said sleepily. They both smiled softly. Was there something going on?

"Charlie, we need to talk to you, please sit," Dad said gently, patting my usual table seating. I hesitantly sat down in my spot and looked down at the table.

"Is, um, everything okay?"

"You tell us. Ruby said when she dropped you off that you were distant and upset," my mother said. I felt surrounded. Why was this happening? I was already confused, I didn't need all of this.

"Um, it's just exams and all that," I said hoping they would buy it, but I wasn't very good at lying. They both looked at me, then at each other, then at me again. They didn't buy it, but I wasn't ready to talk about it, so I wasn't going to.

"You do know you can tell us anything, right? We would never judge you for anything, and if not us, then most definitely Ruby. You always go to her, so why is this so different?"

I didn't respond. I felt awkward and I didn't want to talk about it. Why was that so hard to understand? I sighed and picked at the red table cloth.

After a long silence, I got up from the table, "I'm exhausted, okay? I just want to go to bed. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I love you guys, goodnight." I went upstair and laid on my unmade bed and cuddled with my puppy.

I looked over to my phone on my nightstand. I had a lot of messages.

13 new messages from (Sam W., James O., and Ruby)

Just those three people made up thirteen messages?

Sam: Hey, you awake?

I didn't respond to him.

James: You missed a gr8 party 2night.

James: Missed u x

The dude only met me once, so I doubted it and didn't reply.

Ruby: Charlie?

Ruby: You awake, love?

Ruby: We need to talk, I know something's wrong

Ruby: Is it me?

Ruby: Charles, please answer

Ruby: I'm worried about you and I can't sleep

Ruby: Let me know when you get these. I'll be awake

Ruby: Better yet, call me

Ruby: Please, for my own sanity?

Ruby: Damn it, Charlie Greene

I felt horrible, absolutely horrible. I immediately called her. I couldn't have her worried about me.

The phone was almost immediately picked up, "Charlie?" Ruby let out a breath of relief. I almost laughed, but quickly realized the seriousness of the situation.

"Hey, Ruby," There was an awkward silence between us.

"I needed to ask you about something, okay? Please don't laugh at me if I'm wrong." I gave an "okay" and she continued. "D-do you have, um, feelings for anyone?"

My eyes widened. Had I been that obvious about all of this? "Um, I don't really know." I heard her sigh again, but it wasn't impatient; it was worried. "I'm scared, Ruby,"

"What about, love?" she enquired. I didn't know if I was ready to tell her, especially not over the phone. If I did ever tell her, I'd want it to be in person. Face to face.

"I-I need you to understand that I'm not sure right now. I shouldn't have said no to sleeping over. I was stupid to think I could do this without you." I started to panic, light sobs came out of me. "Ruby, I'm so scared."

"D'you want me to come and get you, Charlie? You know I will leave this house right now if you want me to. I want to help you. I need for you to trust me. Do you need me right now?" Ruby was panicking as well, she thought I was a danger to myself and that only made me feel worse.

I did. I did need her right at that moment, so that's what I told her, and like the best friend that she was, she was at my house within minutes.

I ran out in my pajamas to an opened arms Ruby. She hugged me like her life depended on it, and I cried. It was about one in the morning, but I cried so loudly. Ruby shushed me and stroked the back of my head like an upset child. But I suppose that's what I had been then.

"Tell your mum and dad that you're going with me, okay?" I nodded and let go of her unwillingly, heading inside. I didn't bother grabbing a change of clothes or anything, but only telling them what was going on. They didn't have a problem with it because they were worried about me anyway. They knew Ruby could fix me.

I quickly ran outside and got in the car withRuby. I looked at her to find her looking at me already. The way she was staring at me felt different from other people's look. I couldn't read it very well, but I was starting to think about the possibility of falling for my best friend.

-

I'M GIVING MYSELF FEELS AND OUCH THEY HURT. HELP

I'm actually crying, so wow.

Anyway, vote, comment something nice or criticize me, follow if you want, and don't forget to stay beautiful ❤

-rubyrose-