Wonderland? Wonderland!

14.

"Ohh you're so small!"

That was all she said. No questions about who I was or where I came from. Nothing! There I was given a strange potion, mixed at home, which brought me back to normal size, then I was given a hot bath and finally a meal before she sent me to bed.

Once in bed, I couldn't stop thinking. There was so much to think about! I had been proposed to yesterday for God's sake! Again!! Charles, Henry, Louis...Ohh Louis.
Was he okay, did he know I had left, who am I kidding, of course he knew! But, what about him?! He probably knew I had arrived and safe, but I, I had no idea how he was doing! My friend, NO, not my friend,
my best friend.
(hahah got you ;)

Slowly but surely I was lulled into the realm of sleep. The bed was so big, so soft, I couldn't help it, but when the dreams started I almost wished I had done just that.

I was standing on a beach, but when I turned around I was at an altar. It was made of stone and was covered with red rose petals, then someone placed a ring on my finger, a big ring, a wedding ring! When I looked up, I was greeted by Henry's smiling face, but when I again looked at the ring, it was colored red. No, not red color, blood! Now all the rose petals had turned to drops of blood and when I looked up at the altar I saw it, Louis' head nailed up like a prize, a trophy, and I screamed.
I screamed so loudly that when I woke up with a jerk I realized that I had woken up to my own screams, real screams, because my bed was surrounded by worried faces.
"I, I, sorry, I didn't mean it, it was just a dream!"
Great, my ability to speak had once again deteriorated.

The queen who had now come up to me took hold of my hand and smiled reassuringly.
"It's okay my child."
I smiled gently back before she continued.
"I know what can help you."
"Do you?"
She nodded before pulling me out of bed. Then we continued into a corrida I have not yet been in. Then we went left and a little further, before she stopped in front of a large door. She knocked so gently that I couldn't imagine it could be heard, but then she called.
"Dear, are you awake?"
"Yes."
A faint voice answered, but how could a voice help? Then she opened the door and went in, and there on the bed sat a little person.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I don't see how this can help. The only person who ever helped me was--." "How are you Alice?"
My mother.

At first I didn't want to believe it, my mother was locked up in a mental hospital! But here she was, alive and well. She was pale and thin, the shine she had in her hair was long gone and she was very dark under the eyes. But it was her eyes, my mother's eyes. She was no more than 40, but I would have rather guessed over 50, if I didn't know. Knew how old my mother was, because this was my mother.
"Alice, this is Y/n."
Began the White Queen.

But she didn't flirt before mother's hand had flown up to my face. "You've grown so much.
She sounded so broken, so fragile. "Hello mother."
Then the tears started to flow. Whatever I would have done, I couldn't have stopped them, but I didn't want to, because I had found my mother and I had missed her. That's why I didn't protest when she awkwardly hugged me and slowly rocked me.
"Shhh I know, so so my child, I am here."
I sobbed and cried, she even sounded like my mother, because she was my mother, and I cried, I cried for all the lost time, for my imprisoned friend and because I could. I cried until the tears stopped and only then did the queen continue.
"Y/n has been having nightmares."
I felt mother's arms tighten around me before she said.
"We can't have it my child, can we?" Confused, I looked up at her and while she wiped my cheeks she continued.
"Do you want to hear a story?"
And I understood.
"What kind of story?"
"A story about Wonderland, of course!"
And she continued.
"Do you remember how to get to Wonderland?"
"Through a rabbit hole."
Now it was my turn to sound broken and fragile.
So she told me, I didn't even notice that we were left alone in the room.

I fell asleep in my mother's bed with her arms around me. Then we spent the whole day together. I told her about what had happened in my life, but she was more reluctant. Only when I told her all about Charles did she open up about her time in the mental hospital.

It turned out that she had been taken to Wonderland almost a year ago. It had taken a long time before they found her, but now she was free, or almost anyway. Because even she was tormented by nightmares and she did not leave her room. The room had become her refuge, the only place she had become completely safe. I cried when she told me, not because I was sad, but because I was angry. The things the mental hospital forced her to go through and then also father forced her to suffer through made me so angry. I wanted to fight, I wanted to scream, but what good would that do?

So instead I cried for her and for everything father took from her, everything he took from us.

And to think that man had the power to rule over both our lives, but not here, here we were safe, and I would never return to my father. Because now I understood, my father was a monster, a monster who only cared about himself and no one else.