Dark Daze and Sigh Nighs

Phase 5

         As I made up my mind that enough was E fucking nough, I started to recount all the days of my life. All the good times I've had with my loved ones and friends. I thought about how good things used to be with my parents. How Olivia and I had such great times being kids and growing up doing dumb shit! I reminisced on Rayshawn and how I found love like I never knew it before.
       Then, all those memories turned to how my parents hated me, how I was too ashamed to look my friend in the face and how I had to just ghost the one true love of my life. I thought about the baby that I fell in love with and lost all in the matter of 2 gotdam hours! I felt the pain my dumbass father inflicted on me , all because I didn't achieve what he wanted me to, but most of all, the pain that this ignorant mfkr just put me through. I was scarred, I felt fukn disgusting and dirty! I knew that no one would ever love me, and fact is, at this point, I didn't even love my dam self! Why would I want to stay here, in this mean ass world, with no one to love and no one to love me! So wtbs, my mind was made up. Fuk it! I have no purpose here.
       As I laid there stewing in my own tears, mixed with random niggas' body fluids, here comes this fuck ass nigga Quan! This mfkr had the nerves to tell me he was proud of me because I made him a lot of money and that he was gonna find me another team so he can make even more money. I was literally fukn stunned, like in my mind, I was like, "BITCH, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE"? ATP, I realized I had just become a victim of human trafficking. As if my life needed any other reason to end. He sat there counting up all the money he had made off my pain and misery, with a big ass smirk on his face. Then this stupid mfkr did the unthinkable! With me sitting literally right behind him, he calls a bitch and tells her to get dressed because he is taking her out on the town for the weekend, because he had just hit a lick! WTF!?? Before i could get the lump outta my throat to say anything, he had hung up the phone! I jumped to my feet and yelled, "ARE YOU FUKN SERIOUS!? YOU SOLD MY FUKN BODY AND YOU'RE GONNA TREAT ANOTHER BITCH WITH THE MONEY I MADE!?" He then grabbed me by the neck and pinned me against the wall, telling me that he would kill me if I ever raised my voice to him again and asked me if I really thought he would wine and dine a nasty BITCH that just got hit by every dirty dick nigga in the hood! He told me I was now nothing more than a cum bucket with a busted up vagina and loose ass that he prbly couldn't even sale for more than 20 bucks!
         He told me at this point in life I was just a mix of dead tissue and bad decisions. I struggled to get away from his grip, but it only made it worse, as tears streamed down my face , and his words cut through me like a sword, I knew at this moment that I would not survive with this man! Although I wanted to die, I refused to let this low life, lil dick, BITCH ass nigga be the one to kill me. He wasn't even worthy of that honor! He finally let me go after I stopped struggling!  Feeling the wind slowly leaving my body. I hit the floor, gasping for air! I finally caught my breath as he turned to walk away. I stood up to compose myself and something deep in my soul made me reach on his nightstand and pick up this big ass iron Buddha figure he treasured, and without hesitation, I hit him as hard as I could right in the back of his fucking head. As the blood gushed, and he fell to the floor, he was instantly knocked the fuck out!! Rage filled my body. I immediately got on top of him and turned his body to face me. I started to clamor him in his head and face, asking him who is the no life having ass BITCH now!!
        As I beat him with that heavy ass statue, I thought about all the pain I had endured from my father, my useless ass mother, this nigga, and all the men he had let rape me, and I pounded harder, and harder. Blood and brain matter were everywhere! I only stopped beating him when I thought for sure that he was dead!
        As I snapped backed into reality, I realized that I had just killed a man, and fact is, I wasn't  fucked up about it, because this piece of shit deserved every lick! Also, at this time, I realized that I had just got myself a life sentence for murder!
        So now I'm thinking, I have two options, jail or death! I'm 16, jail is not an option! So my decision was made. I went into the back room where he kept all his drugs , I got a bottle of the pain pills, a pen and some paper, and a bottle of vodka. I got a handful of pills , downed them with the vodka and I instantly started to feel light, like I was releasing everything in me . All I could think of was me being with my baby. With that thought, I thought of Rayshawn and how he would have loved our baby and we would have been such a happy family. I started to write a letter addressed to him so that whoever found us would give it to him. I told him all about what had happened and how my father killed our unborn child and how he was the love of my life and how sorry I was for disappearing without a trace. I felt the life leaving my body, so I laid on the couch and saw visions of a beautiful baby, looking like the perfect mixture of Rayshawn and myself. As I reached my hand out to my baby, everything went dark!