I SHOULD BE THE MAN İN CHARGE

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The silence was the first thing that greeted him when he stepped into this mansion that had been his home for years. Through the large door, he could see the corridors leading to the left and right and the grand staircase directly in front of him.

The house felt darker and colder today

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The house felt darker and colder today. He could not help feeling more naïve on the paths he knew for sure. He imagined that he was a little boy and not a boxer whose stone-like face frightened most people. And he couldn't help imagining his sister running towards him as his steps turned to the left. He was just a boy when he lost his little sister. He remembered the days he had witnessed his little sister's jealous fits when he brought his then-girlfriend home a few times. She always tried to interfere with their little cinema date at every chance she got. He knew his baby girl was fond of him and he always enjoyed the fact that she was more fond of him than her other siblings.
But his smile hung on his face. None of that mattered anymore. For 10 years he did not know where his sister was or what she was doing. He hoped she was alive. Her laughter no longer echoed in the hallways, she no longer forced her brothers to have sleepovers because she was afraid of thunder, and she no longer encouraged the twins to play hide and seek when she forced them to wear pink polka dot skirts. For 10 years, his baby girl had slipped away from their grasp.
Still, he couldn't help himself.
At every step, he imagined his younger sister coming to greet him, that she was still here and waiting for him. he would always act grumpy as always and ruffle her hair. Dreams hit hard, but reality hit harder...
With the sound of footsteps, Alexander returned to present. He nodded back to the servant woman who greeted him.

His steps took him to the hallway where his father's office was. Contrary to his always self-assured upright posture, today he could fall down in a corner and cry. He stood in front of the office door, knocked 3 times and opened the door, and went down the stairs that led him across, to the chair where his father was sitting. He knew that today everyone would be more dispersed than ever before.



His father knew Alexander was coming but didn't move a muscle. He looked more troubled than ever, as if he had collapsed and the whole mansion had collapsed on him. He was sitting in his armchair with his right hand on his temple. In the other hand he held her photograph.
Did photographs have a voice? Because every time Alexander looked at the photo of his little babygirl, he heard her laughter. Aurora... his little babygirl... After the loss of their mother, they had all given all their attention to their little baby girl, who looked exactly like her.
Her father always spoiled his little daughter and all his siblings, including himself, cherished her.

He couldn't even remember how many times he went to school with pink fingernails. Aurora was a smart and coy child who knew she could make them do anything she wanted. Her big green eyes always sparkled as if she was holding stars inside it and whenever she saw him, she opened her arms for hugs just because she wanted more attention.

She talked to her dolls, to flowers, to the pictures she drew on the walls. Aurora was a kind and loving child who knew she was loved.
He didn't care if his sister was spoiled, he did everything she wanted.
He was ready to give her the whole world.
One look was enough, she didn't even have to say it.
The old mansion was full of with her traces.
Her drawings on the wall. The pictures she glued to windows - which is probably a hundred years old- with glue that wouldn't come off.
She was happy and she was with them.
Now he didn't know where she was or how she was. Was she well?
With them, she had everything and everything that she didn't even need. But he felt knives in his stomach when he thought that maybe now she didn't even has a bowl of food.
This thought had been gnawing at him for years, kept him awake, even the food he ate and the breath he took were lodged in his throat.

He realized that he had been standing in front of his father for a few minutes. "Hello, Dad" he mumbled under his breath.

His father slowly lifted his gaze from the photograph he was holding in his hand and looked with red eyes at his disheveled son, who looked just like him. Thomas nodded his head to show that he heard him.

ALEXANDER POV:



"What is it, son?" he asked in a hoarse voice after a deep breath. I had come to his office to get him to sign the documents for the new club, but I had given up after seeing how he was.

Instead, I sat across from my father and continued to watch him "it wasn't your fault, dad" when I found the strength to speak, my eyes traveled over everything in the room except him. How could I comfort him when I blamed myself? There were still unresolved questions about Aurora's disappearance. But the one thing I was sure of was that our enemy was someone from our close circle. On the day she disappeared, almost all the cameras were broken for unknown reasons. The security footage that the police managed to recover showed Aurora holding the hand of a silhouette of a woman.
She would never trust anyone except us. Aurora was jealous of every woman around her father and brothers. So how could she leave with a woman without hesitation? On the camera footage, she didn't look like she was obligated to leave. She seemed like she was with someone close to her as she was tightly holding on to her.

I could see that living with these unknowns exhausted my father as much as it did tire me. My father rarely left his office in recent years. He was either tending to my mother's greenhouse or driving the twins to school himself. From that day on, he had discharged most of the staff at the house and only allowed a few to stay. None of them stayed overnight at the mansion, and after a while, he dismissed them all.
We all were separated.
For years, Arthur has devoted himself to his work, that he had hardly been home, using the nightclub business as an excuse. The night Aurora was kidnapped, he had left home to go to a school party and only found out about her disappearance a day later. Even though I knew he blamed himself to this day, I couldn't do anything about it.
Theo continued mother's work and became a pediatrician like her. In his early years, every time he cried secretly for a sick girl, he ran away from the hospital and each time I would find him drunk and lying on the floor in her room.
With Aurora's disappearance, Matthew had shut himself away and stopped talking to everyone and everyone. After barely finishing high school, he opened a tattoo shop and did not participate in the university elections. After a while, he left home and lived in his apartment. Even though my father and I opposed his decisions at first, he didn't listen to us. He stopped answering our calls and started to devote himself to his drawings. He didn't communicate with any of us unless he had to. This lasted until Jeremy's first suicide attempt.

After the disappearance of their sister, the twins kept to themselves and were more affected than any of us. Being only 3 years older than Aurora, they were still young and didn't understand anything. It was much harder to calm them down when none of us knew the truth. As time went on, Jonathan grew to hate everyone and everything, running away from home and causing trouble every chance he got. After a while, we lost count of the fights and the nights he spent in the hospital. On the other hand, at first, Jeremy refused to leave his room and wouldn't eat. After dad convinced him that Aurora would be very upset if he didn't eat, he agreed only to drink milk for a while.
Jeremy was homeschooled for almost five years because he refused to leave home, and Jonathan had to join his brother's homeschool because he was on the verge of being expelled for fighting.

After a few years of everyone scattering and trying to pull themselves together, everything was close to normal. Or so I thought. I knew I was wrong when Theo called me at 3 a.m. to tell me that Jeremy was in the hospital because he had attempted suicide. He had taken dozens of pills and called his twin brother to hear his voice for the last time. I don't even remember how I got to the hospital. I was running through the hospital corridors, screaming my brother's name. That night as my brothers and dad and I glanced at each other, I realized that we had been pretending for years and were far from okay.
After that awful experience, Jeremy was never the same again. He blamed himself for not being able to cope with the pain and for being weak. But we were the ones who shut down and left him and each other alone. He wasn't the weak one. It was me.

At first, I was pretending as if everything was all right. That losing my sister was okay. As I was trying to suppress my sadness, it turned into anger and hate in time. I blamed my baby girl for taking up so much space in me. I hated her for loving her. I took my anger on anyone I could beat, so I could prove to myself that I was invincible. I was only fooling myself. Because I knew that I already lost everything.
I ignored the pain in me and my family. I wasn't the big brother I should be. You were never there when your brothers needed. Yes I wasn't...
I should be the man in charge. I lost a sister but I still had brothers. Neglecting them was what I was doing. If I only was there for Jeremy, maybe he could share his pain. We all separated when we should be together.

I took a deep breath and my gaze found my dad. He already forgot my existence, and was in deep thoughts I knew that was about Aurora
To leave my dad on his own wasn't a good idea still, I made my way out. I guees I'm also not a good son.
At this time of hours, I knew Theo would be home, so I went to his library-like office where he had all his time spent here.



As I turned right hall, I was in front of Theo's room.
After knocking on the door 3 times, there was no answer, so I decided to go inside. My gaze searched for him first. Then It broke my heart to find my brother staring at her childhood footage on the computer. He was like in trans, even if he did hear me, he didn't respond. I closed the door behind myself as I walked outside. She was strong enough to make her way into our hearts in five years, we couldn't get over it for decade.
Who I was fooling? I was adored by her beauty the second I held her. She was beyond beauty and grace. I walked to my car as I was feeling like crying. When I heard my phone rings I hurried to my car and held the phone. There was 4 missing call from the principal- Mrs.Bak. I sighed with awareness of knowing what happened.
Of course, Jonathan would cause trouble today. This was his way of coping with his sister's disappearance.

I recalled Mrs. Bak and waited for her answer. After seconds she did and I heard her voice. " Mr. Young, I apologize for disturbing you, but your father didn't return any of my calls. There was an emergency"
I don't even think my dad knows where his phone is right now Mrs.Bak.
" There is no disturbance, Mrs. Bak, my father is out of town today. I'll come to collect the twins. What happened?"
I heard a crunch and then Mrs.Bak continued
"Oh, then it's all settled. Mr.Young got himself into trouble with his schoolmate, but i believe we can solve it." You should probably send her a bouquet for her patient, Alex.
"Please tell me that Jonathan is okay?" I sounded more like asking. There was a weird silence before I heard what I couldn't believe.
"No, sir, I am misunderstood, It was Jeremy Young who beat his schoolmate."

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