A slow fall

Chapter 4 - Caleb

    As much as I wanted to leave Church, I'm not sure being trapped in a car with my parents was any better. There was a palpable tension in the car as we drove away from the town centre and I wasn't sure why.

Maybe it was just me, my brain working overtime to come up with problems that didn't actually exist. Maybe I was the only one who felt it; the only one who was aware of the strain in our relationship.

I know my parents loved me in their own way—or maybe I still held onto that small fragment of hope, the singular shard of glass that remained from my cracked glasses, cutting into my skin as I clung to it. But things were different. They had been since that day and nothing could change that, believe me I'd tried.

All I did was try. It was never enough.

When the silence became too much I spoke.

"How was date night?"

"It was nice." Mom had a soft smile on her face that only appeared when the topic of conversation was Dad. "We went to Gino's. You know the Italian in the city? I got pasta, your father got lasagne."

"Yeah, the meal was a little small, but it was nice."

"He always complains that pasta dishes are too small, but still orders them every time."

"It's because I like pasta! I just don't understand why they give you so little."

"It was a fancy restaurant dear. Higher quality food means high prices and small portions. Was it worth it? Would you go back?" My mother pondered her own question for a moment before nodding, "I think I would. The food was good and the atmosphere was nice. I'd say it was well worth the money."

"I agree. Next time though, remind me not to order pasta."

My mother smiled at him, a small chuckle escaping her lips. "I will, but you'll still order it. Like every time." My father only rolled his eyes in response, a small knowing smile on his lips..

It was nice speaking to them like this, as if nothing was wrong with our dynamic, as we were the close, loving family people saw us as. They spoke as if I was one of my brothers, as if our relationship was no different.

For a moment there was nothing wrong with me—I wasn't sinning, I wasn't disgusting, unnatural, unlovable. I wasn't the person my parents were intent on saving, changing and shaping into what they deemed normal, right, perfect. I was just Caleb.

Caleb with no faults, flaws or sins hidden beneath the surface. Caleb with no spiraling thoughts and endless questions over what was right. Caleb who knew who he was and what he felt. Caleb who felt human.

And they were just my parents.

I knew it wouldn't last. At some point reality would come crashing down and this happy family dynamic would exist no more, but for now I would cherish what I had, what I had lost.

"Did you do anything after?"

"We came home and watched a film."

"You watched a film? Let me guess, mum fell asleep halfway through?"

"She didn't even make it that long." Dad said with a laugh that received him a playful glare.

"I was tired and the film was boring."

"How would you know," Dad joked, "You watched about twenty minutes in total, the beginning and the end."

"See, I watched the key moments and they did nothing to convince me to watch more." She looked over her shoulder at me on the backseat, "What about you? How was your night?"