A slow fall

Chapter 19 - Caleb

    I ended up spending the whole day with Lucas. It was slow and lazy and comfort. It was just me and him, talking, watching films, and listening to music. It was steady breaths in quiet moments, warmth from close contact, safety in fuzzy blankets and joyful laughter.

It was Lucas and Lucas and Lucas.

He made me feel at ease. He listened as I talked continuously about any and everything. He laughed at my stupid jokes. He asked me random questions that we'd debate as if they held importance.

No matter how close Marcus, Shane and I were, being with Lucas felt different.

When the light filtering into the room melted into a golden hue, pink and orange strokes painting the sky as the day said its goodbye, I knew it was my time to leave. Want and need aren't often synopsis.

Lucas offered to drive me home, happily passing me his phone once we were buckled in. It was natural, the clicking of seatbelts and the rev of the car followed by the thump of bass and melodic music.

Lucas had already sent me his playlist, already knew I'd spent hours listening to it on repeat, engraving every song into the deepest parts of my brain, him and everything he was taking residence there. Still he shot me nervous glances every time a new song played.

He'd speak before the words filtered in, things like "You might not like all of them, but-" and "So this one is a little weird in parts-" and "I- this one's a bit slow." I'd interrupt his thoughts before they spiralled. I'd tell him I'd listen to anything, weirdness and all, if the shifting tempos and intricate harmonies told me deeper secrets than he could ever formulate.

"You like them, so I'll listen."

As we drove the area slowly shifted to the familiar. Cobbled roads I'd cycled down as a child past store fronts that felt like fragments of a youth I'd long since left behind.

The remanence of the past followed us as we headed further away from the city. Murryfield was a canvas of brown and green, aged buildings with rustic charm and nature intertwined. Its beauty felt deceptive.

The past wasn't something I wanted to drive full speed into. The present moment, just me, Lucas, and the intimacy of sharing music that spoke to our souls was the only present—time at all—I wanted to be a part of.

"I have been listening, and will continue to listen to your playlist on repeat, just so you know." I broke the peaceful lull we had fallen into, my voice carrying over the smooth sound. Having songs that would forever remind me of Lucas definitely wasn't a bad thing.

Lucas was silent for a moment, and I watched as he fidgeted behind the driver's seat, "I hope you do like it then." I smiled when he looked at me, his sheepish expression endearing.

"Thanks for today. And for letting me stay over last night."

"You really don't need to thank me for that. You can come 'round any time. You know that right?"

I could feel my cheeks heat, through the intensity of Lucas' stare or his words of reassurance I wasn't sure. Both.

Glancing away to calm down, I finally mustered "I'll see you soon?"

"'Course. I'm going to message you as soon as you get out of this car. I'll spam text you and you'll soon regret wanting to hang out with me again."

"You already do that and I'm still here."

"Well, guess I just need to try harder." He had a habit of making me smile so wide my face hurt and my brain went out of whack.

I can't remember the last time I've ever felt really, truely, happy.