A slow fall

Chapter 20 - Caleb

    Things had been going well. That should've been my first warning sign.

The week followed the same pattern, school, study, Church, and an attempt at sleep. With Lucas on the phone most nights, currently three quarters of the way into our book, his voice succeeded in lulling me to sleep. On those nights, when, even miles away, he felt so close, I was somehow able to relax into a dreamless rest.

Suddenly feeling like a functioning human made me realise how much I'd been drifting through life.

Suddenly I was feeling the deep pit in my chest fill;the aching numbness in me withdrawing.

Suddenly things seemed a little bit better.

I knew it wasn't that simple, I was naive enough to believe this was my life taking a turn for the better. But I'd appreciate the reprieve while it lasts. Feeling even remotely more like a person was something new and welcome.

My parents insisted on a family weekend. That should've been my second warning sign.

Instead I took it for what I hoped it was, a nice day spending time with parents who love me.

Maybe this was what they thought it was—them doing something for a person they love. They just wanted to look after me.

So I told my friends, Lucas, that I wouldn't be around for the next two days. On Friday night, Dad picked me up from my Youth club session. He spoke to me, asked about my day, all in a voice that sounded interested.

Was that warning number three?

Mom made dinner and we sat together at the table. Warning number four?

After dinner we watched a film, something light and fun, with the lights turned off and blankets surrounding us. It was warm and cozy and so very not normal.

I really ignored all the signs. Maybe I expected the worst and wanted to play pretend for a while. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

I didn't sleep much Friday night, the weight in my chest felt heavier once more. It was 6 o'clock in the morning when they came into my room.

The moon was still in the sky, watching down on us, following the movements in the room with its silver gaze that cut through the dark.

The light was harsh when it turned on. The final warning sign blaring right into my eyes.

I wasn't sure where the anger and the sadness came from. I couldn't think of anything I'd done wrong recently.

I spent the next few seconds over analysing every movement I'd made. I must've done something wrong.

Their eyes bore into me, watching patiently as I sat up in the bed.

"Downstairs," Dads harsh voice cracked like a whip in the otherwise silent room, "now."

I could do nothing but nod.

They didn't leave, just stood in wait as I forced myself out of my bed, away from a comfort I rarely even found.

I wasn't surprised when Dad grabbed me, his patience wearing thin. The warnings were prevalent.

I didn't protest as I was dragged to the living room.

I wasn't shocked when I saw the Pastor stand from the couch, clearly awaiting our arrival.

"You haven't had a check up in a while, have you Caleb?"

I shook my head, in response, or in hope that I could stop things from continuing, I wasn't sure. I knew I couldn't stop what was about to happen anyway.