Loki [Smut And Fluffs 2]

Loki's disorder (Special fluff)

A/n

This one is dedicated to Loki and my sister who both sadly suffer from Borderline personality disorder or BPD. This is dedicated to all who suffer from BDP or see your loved one struggle through this disorder because the struggle with this disorder is real.

In this story I'll write (with personal experience of living with someone with BPD) on how Y/n really feels with being in a relationship with Loki who has BPD, how when you spend time with someone with this disorder for really long and you get to truly understand the person and not how the person you illustrate them as. So if this topic is sensitive to you then I suggest you to take a pause here.

Disclaimer: Mention of BDP disorder, trauma and misunderstandings in relationship.

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Y/n's P.O.V

Well I have been in a relationship with Loki for a couple of years and I truly love him but there's something things about him that I don't understand...

He stayed *aloof* with me and everyone else, he gets angry really easily and whenever I do something really nice and kind for him genuinely he never forgets it and thanks me in a strange while for it and shows sense of emotion for it quite *intensely*, not that I ever mind but someone feeling intense emotion of both joy and rage is truly unique to find isn't it?

A few days ago Loki and I were watching my favourite rom-com because I convinced him to watch with me and Loki suddenly got angry after seeing a scene where a character expressed their emotions of shame and pain and he started to argue saying that it's stupid and they shouldn't trust someone like that and other things before he left, it confused me a lot.

Whenever I do a small thing which upset him he gets a lot angry and gives me the 'silent treatment' which I absolutely do not like. Any other person would feel angry for a while and forget about it and embrace me later on but my Loki here shows his anger quite *intensely* than any other person that I've come across.

Sometimes he randomly tells me that he's not good for me and that I deserve better and so I should leave him and find someone better and on other cases he's curled up in my lap, being caring and loved with intense joy that I cannot describe on how relieved and joyous it makes me feel.

When something's bothering him I ask him again and again, hoping he'd share it with me and after I got enough close he to him after years he did and I was always there to support and accept him no matter what. But whenever he's telling me something and I get an urgent small task to do I tell him to wait and finish up the task quickly to run back and ask him what he wanted to share, but he just frowns and says it's nothing special or significant...even if I apologise for zillion times for cutting him and constantly ask what he wanted to share he doesn't say a word and again goes back to ghosting away or becoming aloof.

For a while I felt like maybe he doesn't want to be with me or had enough of me but I've seen how sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night with a nightmare and cries on my shoulder saying he dreamt that I left him for someone else and I assure him saying that I only love him and want no one else which was quite tricky because he just wasn't ready to listen and called me a liar before laying aside from me like an angry baby.

I don't know how to say it but he always has this mindset that I'm either going to get bored with him or break his heart? And I honestly don't even know how to process that because there is no one I love more than him in the world and it breaks my heart that he'd even think that.

Loki is fond of reading but there's something that I never understand. Is he reading the book because he's enjoying it or because he thinks he *should* read the book? I remember how his mother said that when he was younger he saw everyone being physically strong and craving for power and he developed a sort of unwanted craving for that too so he begged her to teach him magic till he mastered it, did he learnt magic because he was interested in it or because he believed he needed something to be considered strong and worthy for power or throne? These are some things I'll never really understood till now.