loving the way you breathe

part 4 war in my head

Shin opens the door of apartment to see kazama standing half conscious by the table drenched in water . Shin's jaw dropped and he notices himself staring at kazama for a sec but he got hold of himself fast and

"What... What are you trying to do ?"

"I wanted to drink water but some idiot left bottle lid open and now I'm ... AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN HELPING ME"said kazama with first tired and then in a agressive voice.

"Coming right up sir" shin unsuccessfully tried to hold is laugh back .
Shin went to room to get a shirt for kazama to change into he notices his wardrobe containing all neat clothes and not more than two t-shirts in it which were probably gifted to because informals aren't that much of kazama's style .
Shin gave a towel and shirt to kazama and leaves the room.

(That's so unlike of him not trying to help me when i need it so much ) Thought kazama when he struggles to change his clothes.

Shin heads right into bathroom when his two personalities starts fighting .

Stubborn shin: There's no way i can think of him like that damn he is my childhood friend .

Rational shin: but there's also no way you can imagine him with someone else and let him live in peace .

Stubborn shin : i have told him to date a million times it's not my problem he doesn't wanna date .

Rational shin: and you have also a million times interfered his meetings with other people.

Stubborn shin: it's not bad to be a bit possessive of your friend ,he's my fav after all .

Rational shin :and what about his choice,his feelings, his hope what if gets his hope up what if you broke his heart , what if what everyone thinks is true and he has (pause) what if he gas feelings for you .

Everything goes silent for a moment till he hears loud knocks in bathroom door.

"how long are you gonna be there come out i have to pee"

Shinchan came out of the door and noticed how perfectly messy kazama's hair are.
That was a rare sight, kazama never let them be like that ofcourse . Mr. Perfectionist can't let a hair strand slide .

"Is there something on my head why are you staring "said kazama wiping his hair.

"Nothing, i have something to talk to you"Shin decided to come clean to him he can't let this misunderstanding built up he will ask kazama directly and tell him that he can't return his feelings .

After a few minutes kazama came to where shin was seated.

"What is it, why are you so serious"

"It's just ... Do you like me ?" Shin said looking directly into kazama's eyes .

"Are you crazy no! I hate you you idiot." Said kazama with a loud explaining tone .

"I'm serious kazama i know it's hard for you but just I don't want things to complicate i just wanna make sure we are on the same page I don't want you to get .."

"Hope?"kazama chuckles.
" things are wayy to easy for you aren't they, you don't think, you don't hesitate "kazama smiles with a hint of sadness.

" look buddy i hate misunderstandings you know i have to know things i want you,i need you as a friend "shin's voice was serious and concerned he doesn't want to do anything, say anything,that might hurt kazama.

,"putted a lot of pressure on friend part huh" smirks hiding his emotions.

Shin tries to say something but cutted off by kazama again .

"it's ok now hear me out i ........Yeah i like you but that's totally my problem . You didn't asked me to like you and you never gave me any signs it's not your fault I don't blame you . And i am not gonna drag you in this either , it's my problem.it's ok it completely is i am gonna get over it i just didn't get a chance to meet a lot of people and I'm not even that serious about you believe me"

Somehow last words said by kazama wasn't as convincing as he thought it was .

"I can't lose you kazama"said shin with a broken voice.

"You're never gonna lose me ,i promise "said kazama with a rather natural smile this time .

They both smiles and gazes at each other , the light in kazama's eyes was confusing shin. somehow things went the best way he could imagine but still he wasn't satisfied . What did he want then ?

"I think you should rest now"

"I'm ok you can go home if you want to"kazama felt like shin might need to get away from him.

"I'll leave tomorrow morning "

"Ok"said kazama . He wasn't expecting shin to leave that early but he can't either expect him to act normal after what happened.

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