My Best Friends Brother.

Chapter 22. - Wrong Way.

*Myles POV*
It's only been a week since I left Miami, and I feel like my heart stayed there. I've been so cold and calloused. The only thing I've been doing is going through the motions. Nothing has had meaning since I left. I miss Isa so much it physically hurts me. I'm currently laying in my bed pondering the vanity of my existence without her. I feel like such a fake person. I have been trying to get myself back into myself, but I'm so anxious about how Isa is, or what she's doing that I can't focus on myself. It's to the point I'm constantly finding myself on her twitter, facebook, instagram, and whatever other social media she's on, when I'm not talking to her.
"Hey mayne you good in here?" Kalin opens my door, looking concerned.
"I just miss Isa..I don't know man it just hurts." He nods and looks at me apathetically.
"I know dude. I feel the same, but we have to do something besides lay here." I sigh heavily.
"Yeah, but I don't want to, and doing something is not going to make me feel better." Kalin furrows his brow at me in an unsatisfied manner.
"You haven't even tried."
"Kalin just leave me alone, and get the fuck out." He sighs standing from the foot of my bed walking out. It's been like this for the last few days. I think he's scared I'm going to revert to my old ways. Little does he know I've been actually thinking about. it.
I use to be a drug addict. Pharms mostly, xanax, adderall, lortab, and lean. I smoked some pot every now and again, and I've done molly, a few times, and meth, that one time. My favorites will always be Pharms. I have a bottle of xanax stashed away for emergencies, and I'm starting to feel like this is one. I'm just afraid, because I'm so upset I'll over do it. Not just take one to take the edge off, but take four to just fuck my life up. Once I start I can't stop, thats why I've decided to just lay in bed versus letting myself back into the belly of the beast. The call of the pills is getting ever louder, and it's becoming harder to turn them away.
My ex Ashley is the reason I got into all this. She was a dealer, and groomed me into one. We finally broke it off, when we both got arrested for a mass amount of all the Pharms I mentioned earlier. She got a lot worse off, because it wasn't her first dealing arrest. The judge saw that I was a much more innocent case, mostly just fights and vandalism on my record, so the judge was gracious enough to let me off with community service. Ashley was tried as an adult, because she was almost 18. They gave her two years to serve, and two years on probation. I heard she got early probation on good behavior, but I haven't really payed attention. That chapter has been shut on my life for a long time, and I'd rather keep it that way. I've grown a lot, and I just want Isa and I to have a happy life together. Whether that be for a short time, or for the rest of our lives, I want it to be a good memory for her.
This battle inside of me is excruciating. I want to numb the pain, but I don't want to start down that path again. It's such a slippery slope that I'm scared of sliding back down. The pain of missing Isa is almost worth it. I know it's only temporary, but my mind keeps wandering. What if she does what Dom did. I don't think she would, but my mind keeps going there. I've finally had enough of this mental torture.
I stand and walk to my desk and pull out the bottle of Xanax, staring at it. I roll it around in my hand weighing the advantages and disadvantages. Finally I'm tired of thinking. I open the childproof cap, hearing that click that means relief is near. I rolled out two bars placing them on my tongue, and I swallow quickly so I can't change my mind. I lay back down and wait for the numbness to take over my body.
The reason I have always preferred Xanax is for the simple fact, it makes me numb. I love lean, and addys, but I love feeling numb. I've always felt too much. I've never just been kinda happy or kinda sad. I'm ecstatic, or morose. There's no grey areas with me it's literally black and white, so feeling nothing has always appealed to me.
After about 5 minutes I feel the Xanax going into my blood, and it relieves me. After about 20 minutes I feel fine enough to get up for the first time in a week. I try and walk to the fridge, but I'm having issues walking. I'm stumbling around like I'm just learning to use my legs. My tolerance must have plummeted due to the fact that I haven't used in four years. Four years clean down the drain, because I'm stressing about Isa...whatever I could care less.
When I finally make it to the kitchen Kalin is looking in the fridge...fuck. He looks at me, and raises an eyebrow.
"You ok dude?"
"Yeah I'mmm todlly finee bruhhh," fuck my words are slurring really badly. Maybe he won't notice, or he won't jump to the conclusion that I'm using again.
"Are you drunk Myles?" He sounds a little irritated, but at least he thinks I'm drunk.
"I haaadd to doo sumthin mayne," at least I'm not lying to him, just misleading him. I grab water and a bag of chips and go back to my room.
I just hope I can keep it at this one time, and not go off kilter again. Isa doesn't deserves drug addict, but it's the only way I can keep my horrible thoughts at bay. I hope Isa isn't having as hard of a time as me.

Ps. I know this is short, but don't worry it will get better 😉

Casey Jo 💜💜