Her Masterpiece (hiatus for now)

Ice Cream

By all accounts, it didn't make sense.

No logic could explain it to Nihl.

Usually her creator was not that hard to understand, at least in the broad sense of the term. Whatever she did was in search of understanding life and logical. It was also know that she was also sort of emotionless but Nihl knew it was because some past events and to hide any weakness, control over herself unlike how Nihl didn't have anything even if she wanted.

Logic understanding logic was easy.

But logic understanding emotions? She could only draw conclusions from what she knew.

...

Because sure, it was logical that her creator would want to talk to her, she has a lot of info she could want... What wasn't that she was sitting in front of a bowl with scoops of hazelnut ice cream in front of her with her creator refusing to acknowledge with even spare a glance that.

What she is sure of tho is that it has to do with Herta, since that's with who her creator talked with just minutes earlier... Was is some bet Herta made? Somehow getting her creator to play along? Some bet with a price her creator found important enough to participate in?

"So no more changes since I has saw you?"

She shook her head, she can understand. Despite being a failure, no one would enjoy their work being tampered with knowing.

"That means truly no new senses?"

"Still only touch, hearing and sight, no taste or smell even if Herta tried things."

Ruan Mei softly sighed, she was a sweet tooth while she could not taste stuff... Yet another jarring difference.

But... Ice cream is still a sweet technically... But she is reaching there, watching Nihl almost look bored as she ate it but that's her casual face.

"And even she didn't figure out feelings I suppose..."

"Not having feelings doesn't mean I don't have feelings." The second repetition enunciated differently.

"Explain."

"I know what I lack and what I do have is a pitiful dull shadow of what it should be. I can't be happy, curious or sad... But I can still know when a job is well done, I can ask myself questions and look for answers, I can get that someone would need comfort... My tears can still fall from feeling an injury, hurt, I can still feel pain... I am not like any other human as I technically am not even one, just a failed creation, I am aware that I am not like the others and never will be, I lack the fundamentals but I have my ways as they say. I might not know what it is but Asta says it is my sorts of feelings."

Ruan Mei will need to have a chat with this Asta and get those infos for herself.

"Alright, interesting." Had Herta tested that too? She didn't like the idea.

"Might I ask why you wish to talk to me?" Pointing her spoon at her. "Not that I could feel annoyed by it, that's one of the dulled shadow of emotions but you are my creator."

"It seems in your own way you are like those critters." Ruan Mei said, not really answering the question. 

"They innately like their creator if that's what you mean, maybe even love. Asta says my nature to protect is my sort of rendition about that feeling." Nihl didn't really think that much of it. "I wouldn't say that's what I can work out towards you... Or maybe it is... I wouldn't know... But logic dictates the shadows of disappointment in myself. A failure after such a long time working away, decades was it? I don't know if I can use this word as I will because I can't put feelings behind it but I do wish that I could fix this failure I am as I was not created to be this. Being left behind because of that, like the critters, that's our similarities."

"Mmm..." Ruan Mei still didn't know how to feel about this all... Spending day to day in perfect control of your emotions to hide any weakness to avoid anyone using them against you does that to a person. So when faced with the brutal end of all emotions in the shape of her while being nothing like her did things.

Only few knew the true origins of her and her, of course that being Ruan Mei herself and then there was Herta, maybe Screwllum... Aaaaaand of course the Xianzhou Luofu she was kind of prohibited from setting foot in (remember the picture I linked in the chapter 'naming conventions', I am using that idea here) but that's a story for a day she never wanted to come.

And it would never come since Nihl would most likely never get in such a position but she was not stupid duh, her calculations revealed a not 0% chance of it coming up... She'll do all she can to not make it happen, past is past and failure is present.

...

She hadn't actually thought of the word failure in a while, probably because she hadn't seen her in a while.

True at the start it was that, fully, anger and hurt, a failure so overwhelming.

And no matter how she hated it, Herta's last words before parting earlier were correct.

She hated it.

She was not her... And that was part of the failure.

But just maybe...

She needed to admit it to herself.

Even so.

There were the similarities and outright same things even if the fundamentals and 95% was different... She still wanted to... A bit selfishly, get to know this her.

And if it starts with ice cream... So be it.

Oh aeons... Just what are you getting yourself in Ruan Mei?

(I am thinking of doing a oneshot book because I am in love with some HSR characters and I find no stories for them, just like for when cyberpunk edgerunner came out, it is time for me to become the fandom XD)