WORK IN PROGRESS: Guy and Reason

Chapter 8 (Guy): The Life I Was Living

Being in the same town with Eden for the first time in three years was an exercise in restraint. What I wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder and lock her in a room with me until we could talk. Really talk. 

Not that it would make a difference.

My mother had had to drag me away from her house that night. I knew I'd blown us up, but when my mom came from inside Reason's house and handed me her promise ring, I'd had a melt down. An honest-to-God, on my knees, crying, yelling, begging, pleading, practically-hyperventilating melt fucking down. Emphasis on the down. I was ready to stay on her porch forever or until she'd talk to me. 

Then fucking Ingrid had come up on the porch right next to me and seconds later, Reason shut the curtains on me, holding my eyes as she symbolically closed the curtain on us. That had triggered the worst of the meltdown.

It wasn't until I was threatened with the police that I knew I had to leave Reason alone. If she was willing to call the police on me, she was done with me. So, ignoring Ingrid, my mother had forced me up, and I held on to that ring, that link to Reason, as if it was the only thing worth keeping in my life. It was.

My mother had looked at Ingrid and Winslow, who had driven me here, thanked Winslow for driving me home and told him she'd give him gas money money and either get hotel rooms for him and Ingrid or he could drive back to school that night.

"Let's stay so we can all drive back together tomorrow," Ingrid had suggested.

"I want to go back tonight," Winslow said. "I have an early study group session tomorrow."

"Then I'll go back with Guy tomorrow," Ingrid said. "You don't mind giving me a ride, do you Mrs. Sura?"

"Actually I do," my mother said icily. "So I suggest you go back with Winslow or you're going to have an expensive Uber ride back to school on top of a hotel bill."

Ingrid looked as if my mother had slapped her, and maybe she had in a way, but I didn't give a fuck. My girl had just shut the curtains in my face and returned her promise ring that I'd given her all those years ago. My Reason was hurting because I'd betrayed her, and I couldn't get to her.

My mother gave Winslow a hug and insisted he take the money she handed to him after thanking him for bringing me home. I thanked him, but even a bro hug was beyond me. Ingrid went to hug me, but I stepped back. I was sober now, but I still needed to think things through when I could focus on something other than Reason. When I had the energy, I'd be able to think more clearly about how things went down tonight.

Winslow guided a protesting Ingrid to his car and my mother watched them drive away while I studied my feet. In about a minute, she was going to make me leave Reason's house, when everything in me wanted to sleep on her porch, in front of the door.

"Guy," my mom said, "get in the car."

 Her tone was not friendly, so I got in and slouched in the passenger seat.

"What happened to you?"

"Mom," I said, not wanting to talk, wanting only to think of ways to get Reason to see me so we could talk. "I don't want to talk right now."

"How unfortunate for you because I'm dying to talk."

"I just hurt Eden, Mom."

"I know! You broke up with her over the phone! While she was driving, might I add! She could have been hurt, Guy!"

"Mom, I didn't call her."

"What, you're blaming this on your evil twin? Sorry, I was there for your birth and there was only one of you."

"Please, not right now," I'd begged her, my voice cracking.

"Yes, now. And then you brought that Ingrid bitch with you to Eden's home. Where on earth was your head, son?"

"Mom, I didn't. I didn't bring her. I lost it after the call, pretty much destroyed my room and then I went to get in my car because I needed to find out if Eden was OK. She wasn't answering my calls or texts and I had no idea where she was. I figured she'd head back home, so I was going to come here to check and see if she was OK."

"Guy! Please tell me you weren't going to get behind the wheel --" Her voice was wrecked at the thought of what I'd almost done.

"I wasn't thinking! I admit it was beyond stupid, but all I could think about at that moment was finding out if Eden was safe. I tried calling her mom, but she wasn't answering either. Fortunately, Winslow intercepted me before I even got to my car, and he said he'd drive me. Just as we were about to leave, Ingrid jumped in the backseat. I told her to get the hell out, Winslow told her to get out, but she refused and told Winslow he'd have to throw her out. At that point I just wanted to find out if Eden was OK so I just told him to fucking drive so we didn't waste any more time getting to my girl."

I'd felt sick at the thought of her being hurt because of that motherfucking phone call and didn't speak a word all the way home, even though fucking Ingrid tried several times. I kept trying both Reason and her mother, but couldn't get an answer from either one. The relief I'd felt when I saw Reason's car in the driveway shot through me like a bullet.

When it became apparent that Reason wasn't going to speak with me, I started sending her letters to her house, at least one a day, sometimes two or three. All of them pleading with her to talk with me. She never answered, but I didn't let that stop me from writing.

I'd told only my mother that I was going to her graduation, and she'd threatened me not to make contact.

"That girl's been through hell because of you, Guy, and she pulled herself together so she didn't fail her last semester. Don't you dare ruin her day."

I didn't, just watched her, wishing I could give her the ring in my pocket like we'd always planned. After she graduated, Reason left town and I didn't know where she was. I was panicking, but my mom sat me down.

"She's not coming back to you, Guy. You have to face reality. Give it time and let her be. If you try to chase her down, she'll never forgive you and you could make things even worse. You have to give some things time, and even then, there's no guarantee."

"I just wish..."

"I know. I know. We all make choices that affect our lives, some for the better, some for the worse. You made choices that were the worst."

That dead feeling inside of me was never going away and hearing that cemented things. "Mom, I don't know what to do without her."

"Well, honey, you're about to find out. Focus on football for now but leave her alone so she can find her footing."

I'd listened to an extent. 

Every day, I still wrote to Reason and sent the letters to her mother's house, hoping Reason might relent and read just one. Even after three years, I still wrote to her, but the focus had shifted slightly. Instead of begging for forgiveness for the entire letter, I filled her in on what was going on in my life and asking about hers, hoping she was well and happy. Each letter ended the same way: I will never stop loving you.

For a while, I thought my mother had been right and I'd learned how to live without Reason, but when I really took stock of my life, I realized I actually hadn't. The life I was living was the life Reason and I had planned out before I'd ruined everything.

I was just living it alone.