WORK IN PROGRESS: Guy and Reason

Chapter 19 (Guy): Gelato For Dinner

Patience.

Persistence.

Patience. 

Persistence.

My mantra ran through my head as I drove home following my walk with Reason, and honestly, I'd lived by that the last three years. I'd worked out a plan in my head, committed it to paper and reviewed it weekly to make sure I stayed on track. I had to get healthy if I was ever going to have a chance with Reason. I wasn't kidding when I'd told her today on our walk that had I known where she was, I would have been in her face constantly before I was ready to be. 

Before she was ready for me to be.

Some wounds needed time to heal while changes were being made.

That was where the patience came in.

Now it was time for persistence, to show Reason who I was now and to see who she was now. To prove to her that I'd never let her down again if she'd give me a second chance. Deep down, I felt I didn't deserve a second chance, but that was something my therapist and I argued about.

"You've changed, Guy. You've worked on yourself mentally, emotionally, physically. You've sought understanding, and once you achieved that, you worked on correcting what was off, what was wrong. A lot of it was the depression, some of it was fear of the changes you were facing, some of it was letting another person get inside your head. Sometimes we tell ourselves lies and we listen to our destructive internal voices to our own detriment. Sometimes we listen to external voices that help lead to our downfall. Some of it was your youth and not understanding what was happening to you mentally. But you've put in the work on yourself."

"With age comes wisdom, I guess," I said, pacing the office.

 "You're still only twenty-four. Not sure how much age we're talking here."

"I feel like an old man," I admitted. "I feel like I've lived fifty years in the last three. Maybe it just seemed like fifty without Reason in my life."

"And what if her answer is ultimately no? What if she has no interest in getting back together with you? Would that finally push you to move on?"

"You mean...dating someone else? Starting a relationship with another woman?"

"Yes."

"That would just be setting up someone to be hurt. Reason's so deep in my heart and my mind, there's no getting her out. Anyone else would be second place and she'd never own me, not like Reason always has and still does. I wouldn't do that to someone."

"We may need to work on that."

"That's something therapy won't ever change. I've loved Reason for more than ten years. Three of those years she wasn't around, and I never once thought of calling it a day. It's simple and uncomplicated: I love her. I love her with every breath I take, and everything I do is for her. Her loving me or not loving me doesn't affect the fact that I love her and I'll never stop."

"I have concerns about how you'll handle it if you get a definitive no from her."

"Since that's a very real possibility, I've thought about it a lot, and the only thing I can compare it to is a defendant receiving a guilty verdict from the jury. You can appeal the decision, but eventually, you may have to accept your sentence. I wouldn't be going to jail, but it'd be similar. Being without Eden is something I'd have to live with the rest of my life."

"You sound so matter of fact, Guy, when I know that's not how you feel."

"Just because I sound matter of fact doesn't mean I am. I can still be going through the motions and living my life, but all that means is I'm not letting everyone see that everything inside of me is being shredded apart."