WORK IN PROGRESS: Guy and Reason

Chapter 11 (Eden/Reason): No Need To Rush

I just stared at the packet Guy held out to me, shocked and without words for a minute. He sat back down on the couch, watching me.

What do you say when you've been handed your dream? Especially when you know the sacrifice that went into making the dream come true? My insides ached at the thought as I considered everything he'd told me. I raised the packet slightly.

"I had no idea you started this until yesterday."

"I figured," he said. "That's why I told you to watch some interviews. I thought if you found out that way, you could think about A Reason to Care, and once you had time to realize that it was a reality, that would be a way to start this conversation and tell you the charity is yours if you want it."

"I'm not sure I've still processed it. When you broke up with me and told me you'd cheated on me, I thought that was it. It was a dream that would always remain just a dream. One of those crazy, impossible dreams you come up with when you're young that just sit on the shelf of your memory and never turn into reality."

Guy reached out to touch my hand but checked himself, his eyes saying everything.

"I think in the back of my mind, without even fully realizing it, I still wanted to be able to make our dream come true. Then when my therapist asked if anything still interested me, it clicked, and I knew why I'd gone through with the draft. Why I still became an NFL player even without you in my life. And that was how A Reason to Care came about -- it was named for you, but it was named for me, too. The charity gave me a reason to care about something since I didn't have you." He looked at me as if I was going to bite his head off for the last comment. "That isn't a woe-is-me statement; it's just the facts. I didn't give a shit about anything after I betrayed you."

I got drafted, pretended to be happy.

"I figured the idea of becoming an NFL player had gotten into your head, honestly," I gave him my truth. "That with Ingrid the Bitch whispering in your ear about fame and fortune and shiny new girls, you started buying into all her bullshit, and I wouldn't fit into your new life but you didn't know how to tell me."

"No. That's not even close, Reason. Eden. Sorry."

I still wasn't ready to head in that direction, so I took a different tack.

"When would you need a decision?"

"Whenever you're ready to make one," he said immediately. "No rush. The packet has the annual reports for the last three years. It'll show you how A Reason began and progressed, up to where we are now."

Was I seriously thinking about the offer? I didn't know. But this charity had been everything I wanted besides Guy, and, if truth be told, I still wanted it. I just thought it would never happen. It was like being an aspiring actress and waiting tables while going to audition after audition for years and being turned down every time, and then one day, a famous director discovered you when you waited on his table. It wasn't the way you thought the dream would happen, but it was no less real for having fallen into your lap.

"I'll take a look at the information."

"If you're interested, if you decide you want it, I'll back out of the charity except as a donor. I've been doing all the computer work for it with another volunteer engineer. Real nice lady. Just had her first grandchild and was looking for something to do after she retired. I'm able to do a lot more in the off season, but I'll back off completely if you want to take over. You won't have to see me and it'll be yours. You can take A Reason wherever you want. We're in a great place financially and there are a lot of new avenues to explore, and Melody has the magic touch with fundraising. You'll love her."

This was so much to take in, to realize that Guy had made our dream happen. It'd been so long in the making, and then I'd given up on it when he'd blown us apart. I'd not only lost Guy, but our dream. It'd been our focus for so long and then, just like I'd lost Guy, I felt like I'd lost our dream.

"Eden," Guy said, coming into my mom's kitchen. "Got some wild news. Coach said there was a scout at my last two games, and he got calls from several more. There could be a lot of colleges interested in me, he said."

My eyes had widened. "You're only a junior, Guy."

"I know. The scouts were there for Calfee and saw me play. Didn't hurt that I played one of my best games ever. Wanted to know more about me."

Guy grabbed my hands and kissed me hard. 

"You know what this means? If I can get a football scholarship and work my ass off on the field, the NFL could be a possibility. I know it's about the longest shot there is, but I just felt like...maybe. And if I made it into the NFL..."

"Are you sure you'd want to do that?"

"I'd do it if it could make our dream come true. It'd be a lot faster than if I was just making a computer engineer's or a programmer's salary. Reaching our dream would be a helluva lot faster if I was making an NFL salary."

"OK, OK, OK, this is amazing, but we're not going to get excited yet." 

But inside, I couldn't help the surge of hope that blasted through me. Guy and I had been talking about making a change in the world since we'd first started going out, talking about having a bigger purpose and actually helping people, not just talking about it. Since I was certain I wanted to pursue nursing, we'd tossed a lot of ideas around, trying to think of a way to combine our two passions. My Guy was a true geek at heart and his heart lay with computers, computer systems, programming, languages -- anything computer-related. He had as much skill with computers as he did on the field.

We'd finally come up with a way to bring health care to underserved  and rural communities, and Guy could create programs or systems for tracking everything -- patients, healthcare workers, funds, vehicles, maintenance, equipment.

"No, you're right. It's too soon to get excited, too much could happen in the meantime, and the odds are so infinitesimal it's not even funny. Let's just take it a step at a time. First step is to finish out this season."

And we had taken it a step at a time, and step by step, that impossible dream got closer. Guy had finished his junior year. He'd won all sorts of football awards and accolades in his senior year. He'd been offered scholarships to play football from five different colleges, but he accepted the University of Alabama's offer since they produced a crazy number of NFL players. And then Guy had had such outstanding seasons, NFL teams were scouting him and we knew he was going to be drafted.

With each step achieved, I checked in with him in a serious, heart-to-heart way since I knew football wasn't his dream. Every time we talked about it, he reassured me. 

"Reason, playing football isn't going to be a hardship at all. If I can play in the pros for even five or six years and we live frugally, think of the money we can put toward our dream."

"Crappy apartments?" I'd teased.

"The crappiest," he'd laughed. "Nothing but the worst for us."

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed that I was literally holding our dream in my hand, I leapt to my feet. Guy shot off the couch, his face concerned.

"What is it?"

"I just...I need to think," I told him shakily, lifting up the packet. "I want to look this over. Think about it."

His eyes were soft. "I understand. Like I said, there's no need to rush this. If you want to see the offices, go out into some of the communities we're in, meet with the board members...just let me know."

"I will."

Getting into my car, I drove home and when I got there, I sat in the driveway, the packet clutched to my chest, and cried.