Have you ever watched the movie with Julia Roberts, Eat Pray Love?
I have watched that a million times with Momo.
I felt that it was an absurd movie, how will someone lose themselves?
How will someone become so tired of how comfortable their lives are?
How will someone even leave behind everything they have worked hard for and start over, be in something that isn't sure.
Try to reach a destination of truth.
A destination of oneself.
Then when Momo left me, I tried watching it over and over.
Hitting the replay button like nonchalantly tapping my fingers.
I was trying to understand her intentions.
I was trying to understand all of it.
But, the more I watch it.
I just hated it even more.
Because the thought that she left me, that my own best friend did not even trust me on what she is about to do. What she was experiencing.
Tore all of me.
I was worried.
I was devastated.
I even blamed myself.
Am I not good enough for her?
I mean as a friend, and maybe even as a lover.
Is it really that bad? That bad that I fell in love with my best friend?
That bad that I enjoyed even a piece of her? Even, when she was with someone else?
I was a martyr.
At least for her.
Even a hypocrite just for her.
I have always put her before me, I never regretted it, but I must admit I hated myself for doing that.
When I was a kid, my mom would always tell me to try a different flavor of ice cream when we go to the ice cream store. But I will always choose the chocolate one, the same flavor I have been choosing since I was, I don't know four?
And it has always been like that.
No matter how great they market other flavors. It will always be the chocolate one.
I was too afraid to go ahead and try something new because what if I don't like it? What if it is not as good as the old one?
*Silence covered the place for a long minute*
Maybe that is why I was always choosing Momo.
Because of the comfort.
Because of that bliss, she was the only ice cream I ever wanted.
She was my chocolate.
And knowing that my favorite flavor is gone without a word.
Without me knowing the reason just breaks my heart.
Breaks all of me.
I wasn't expecting anything.
Furthermore, I wasn't ready to move on.
But, as what the saying goes.
Great things happen when you are not ready for it.
Great things that will sweep you off your feet and just ~
