my day isn't merry, without you..

[Chapter four - the final farewell]

[April 20-24, 2023]

My day isn't merry, without you 
[Chapter four, the final farewell. ]

Violent, harmful, sensitive.. I guess

Fanfic 

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[4/17/2025.]

Further more months pass by, the two grew closer and closer, always with together and shared their hobbies and interests, like they were magnets and always stayed together. They had a long Bonding, they never had seperated ways, not a single time. They always stuck together like magnets. Although they were the same gender, inside of Jullianne, he was still a female, just hiding it through discomfort.

Days and week and months, all so boring ,

[4/17/2025]

It was already 17 of April? How crazy, crazy that  time passes so quickly. It was 17, 8 more days, until his little cousin, Kelsey, graduates from grade school to high school. Surprisingly, it was also the day where Jullianne failed to confess to Shanelle. Of course as a good cousin Jullianne was, he has to join his cousin's graduation. He had to wear the formalish type. Of course, not a dress, just, formal. Normal and basic, nothing too basic, just plain and normal.

It was few days from the day, Jullianne's cousin had graduation practices. She was already 11,he was 19. Jullianne failed to be a big sibling, but he always completed to be a person who be always there for someone despite their persona, background, looks and more. It really felt though his body on other's past. He'd be the type to be there at their lowest or hardest. He'd be the type to listen to you, your problems. Issues. Stress. Others. He'd be the type to comfort you, even at his lowest. He'd always do his best. His best to not be seen as a disappointment , failure, or a mistake to the other's eyes. 

He was always the odd one out, but when he was with his friends, he felt welcomed. He never felt that left out, with Shanelle, he's felt like a complete puzzle piece with her. He felt complete, a finished well perfect puzzle With her. Like, full completed. She made him feel happy, comforted, loved, glad, and complete.

............

When there was a school prom, he got an idea to ask her out for a dance, but he was too shy to. He was feeling... Weird. He wanted to be on  prom date with her but apart of him felt different. "I wonder if she'll ever like me.... I wish. " he mutter. In his dorm, he was just painting peacefully. Making a landscape for her. He was artistic, anything to have Shanelle in his life, her love.

Some days passes by as the prom's today... Oh how nervous Jullianne was that day.

At the school hallway, he was at the lockers, settings things as Maya ran up to him, "Jullianne! Jullianne! " she exclaimed, as Jullianne glanced and shut his locker closed, "Maya? What happened?" He mutter, as he analyzed her expression, she seems excited than usual. "Jull! There's a prom today! " she exclaimed excitedly, squealing. As Jullianne was curious. ".. Prom... Like... A.. Party? " he asked, tilting his head, "yeah! It's the first prom we got in high school! God, I'm so excited!! " she says, out of excitement. "... Huh.. Interesting. " me mutters, silently and softly as I looks away. "..... Feels... Funny.... Im not sure... " he mutters, Intrigued Maya, "not sure? Cmon! I'll be your shield, alright? " she reassured Jullianne, "... Fine.. " sighs Jullianne, as he accepted.

As few hours pass, Maya was in Jullianne's dorm room, in her prom fit as they were choosing an fit for Jullianne.

"Hmm..... "  "mmmh... Jull! " Jullianne turns around from his closet, "... Hm? " he mutters, "I think you should wear a dress-" "there is not a million chance I'm wearing a dress. " cut off Jullianne as he looked back, sighs Maya as she got A brilliant idea!

"Ehh.... Are you... Sure... This is okay?... " he asked, looking at himself in the full body mirror, "yeah! You look stunning! " she complimented, as Jullianne squealed softly before covering my face, "i-im not! I look stupid! " he protested, chuckling Maya as the two get ready for the prom at night.

As it was time, the two stayed together, Maya in a dress, being proper while she talks to Gray, as Jullianne stayed behind her back, in a suit, "he/they" pin on the collar of the blazer as he hid shyly. Being overwhelmed from the loud noises, crowd and disturbing atmosphere, he ran off, surprising Maya as she turns to him, "Jullianne! Where are you-" he just ran off without a word, purely overwhelmed

As he ran off, he accidentally bumped into shanelle, "ah!... A-ah! S-so---sorry!! " he spoke frantically anxious, concerned shanelle, "Jullianne? Are you okay? " she asked as she was about to hand him a hand before him standing up and hugging her tightly, sniffling softly and whimpering. It all happens to his social anxiety, Phonophobia, Anthropophobia, and Claustrophobia. Poor him, he was too anxious and scared, he had to lean to Shanelle for comfort. She patted his back and caressed his soft, fluffy, black hair.

"It's so loud.... "
"I know... "
"It's so scary.. "
"... Which is? "
"So many people.... Crowd.... Loud noises.... "
"... "
"I'm scared. "
"I'm here. " "don't worry. "
"... I'm nervous.... It's too loud.... "
"Shh.... Focus on me.... Focus on me... "
"*whimper*"
"Shh...... Shhhh...... I'm here..... I'm here.... "

Jullianne clings to shanelle, for comfort, staying like that, staying together for the whole prom, isolated and in a less noisy area, Shanelle comforted Jullianne for the rest of the prom.

Few days pass after the incident, Jullianne was still very suicidal.... That's a problem.. He tried so hard but the self harm kept increasing and increasing, calves to thigh, wrist to fore arm. Painting and cutting himself was the only type of coping mechanism. Him, as a person who was a hard time finding his real identity, thinking thing she do is a sinner, he can't help but feel like a mortal sinner, feeling guilty for it as he continued anyway.. "... This is a sin... I can't... Injuring myself is such a sin... Fuck..... I can't.... It hurts so bad... "

He kept thinking.. And thinking.. Until....he thought.

He went upstairs, to the rooftop, as he removes his shoes, sets down his cardigan, and stepped onto the railing-

"hey!! Don't do it, please!! "

His eyes widen, shanelle caught his attention as she grabs his waist and pulled him down, hugging him and trying to protect him from all his worries. Jullianne just stayed there, silent and confused..