Tales From Crashdown: Beowulf

Chapter 5: A Loud Woman And A Plate Of Brownies

Beo led the group in a giddy stride as they ventured through the open streets of Old New Jersey, enjoying the cool air and winds from the east.

The troll woman followed behind her, slowly moving, only stepping once in a while compared to Beo.

Joe kept his nose down, reading a novel he had been chipping away at for about a month at this point.

Riley stood off to the side, grumbling to himself about how Beo made them leave before getting paid, "I'm tired of this!" He grunted.

Joe closed his book, "What are you complaining about now?"

"Let's see, we journeyed all night to get to D.S., Beo got into a fight with a troll, now we're off to kill her son who was manipulating her-" then he shouted so Beo could hear him, "AND WE NEVER GOT PAID!"

Joe shrugged, "Does any of that surprise you?"

Riley sighed, "No, but I'm still not happy about it. All this because of her weird fetish for fighting strong people. With friends like her, who needs tax collectors?"

The troll woman suddenly stopped in the middle of the road and put her hands on her stomach, "So.....hungry...." Then, she collapsed.

Beo quickly ran behind her and caught the troll woman just before her head crashed on the asphalt.

Joe ran and began to examine the troll woman's body. He worriedly commanded, "Get her in the alley and give her those walnut brownies!"

Time passed, and the troll woman eventually began to wake, the blurry image of flames dancing a few feet away, and a scent of something sweet in the air.

"Ah, you're awake. Have a nice dream?" Asked Riley, sitting next to her head while sharpening the teeth of his chain-katana.

The troll woman tried to sit herself up, but no longer had the strength to move. She whimpered, "I'm.....sorry.....I-"

Riley shushed her, "You're hungry. We'd never seen a troll, so we didn't realize just how starving you are. Your gaunt body should have made it obvious, but Joe thought that's just what you looked like."

A loud CLANG echoed throughout the night, a beautiful tone that would resonate with the ears and hearts of anyone who heard it. It was the sounds of Riley being hit in the head by a tea kettle that Joe threw.

"You weren't any more help than I!" Shouted Joe.

At that moment, Beo turned the corner into the alleyway and tossed down a Rhimoose, a large moose with armour and a horn on the nose, next to the campfire, "Ladies, stop fighting, you're BOTH beautiful!"

The troll woman chuckled a bit, being able to hear the conversation well enough.

Beo sat on the opposite side of the troll woman, "I see you're up. Was it the smell of those DELICIOUS walnut brownies?"
The troll smiled, "Yea, they smell great."

Beo gave a thumbs up, leaning in very close to make sure the troll woman could see it, practically poking her eye.

The troll woman laughed, "I'm not THAT blind!"

"Hurry up! Your patient is getting restless!" Said Beo, shouting at Joe.

"The only thing more restless than her is your stomach!" Retorted Joe. "You just got a whole Rhimoose, eat that."

Beo pleaded, "What‽ C'mooooooooon, can't I have one? Your skillet can just make more if you need too!"

Beo tried to reach for the brownies but Joe swatted her hand with a wooden spatula, "Eat one I'll make you vomit it up!"

Beo pouted as she went and sat back down, "Fine!"

As Beo began to gnaw on the raw hide of the Rhimoose, the troll woman questioned, "Where did you get a Rhimoose?"

Beo tore off one of the legs and put it on the lip of the troll woman, "I went hunting. You were out for a couple hours and I got bored. So, I went and got dinner."

"I'm sorry," spoke the troll woman. "I didn't mean to cause any issues for you."

Joe spoke up, "I'm surprised you didn't fall sooner."
The troll woman began to listen intently.

"We were told you only left the Doom clan because you were hungry. You took a corpse and left, probably to eat it." Joe said.

"I.....ate a human?" Questioned the troll woman.

Beo questioned, "What? Isn't that normally what you do?"

The troll woman retaliated, "No! Living Gods, no! That's a bunch of old tales from pre-crash earth. We mostly eat vegetables!"

Riley perked up, "I feel like there's a Jolly Green Giant joke in there."

Beo continued, "Ah, sorry, I didn't mean to Insult you Mrs.....uh.....huh. We never actually learned your name."

The troll woman answered, "I have none."

Beo's eyes shot open, "WHAT‽"

The troll woman continued, "In troll culture, we don't need names. We refer to everyone as brother and sister, or mother and father. What few exceptions are never good."

Beo grew curious, much to Joe and Riley dismay. Beo asked, "It's not good for you to have a name?"

The troll spat out the bone of the leg that Beo had given her, "We're not allowed to name ourselves, it shows that we reject our own. The only true exception is being given a name by a friend."

Riley and Joe quickly looked at Beo and cried, "NO!"

Beo jumped up and grabbed a bag from their things, "YES!"

The troll woman pulled herself up and now sat with her back against the brick wall of the alley end.

Beo quickly started shuffling through her bag and yanked out 2 books. Then, she hopped up on the troll woman's stomach.

Riley yelled, "Beo, I swear to the Dead Gods, if you do what I think you're gonna do, I will dice you in half!"

Beo pointed at the troll woman's face and boldly claimed, "From now on, you are deemed Freydís Rose Cotton! The merger between a powerful shield maiden and beautiful farm girl. The ultimate fusion!"

The troll woman asked, "Why do you feel I should have a name?"

Beo answered, "A name can give you an identity, it can show who you are as an individual. Just having a title like "mother" or "sister" boils you down to that. Nobody is JUST a mother or JUST a sister."

The troll woman was confused for a moment, thinking of the name and how it sounded, repeating it over and over in her head. Then, she smiled, the blood from the leg still staining her teeth a slight red, but also giving her lips a dark red hue. She happily said, "I suppose I have no reason to argue!"

Riley put his face in his palm, "Fan-friggin'-tastic."

Joe stood up, "Well, at least we have a name for your face now. Also, the walnut brownies are done, so come get what you want."

Beo jumped off of Freydís and landed next to Joe and his brownies, "Soooooooo are these walnut brownies, or are these 'walnut brownies?'"

Joe bopped Beo on the top of her head with the cast iron skillet, "You're not getting any special brownies again. Last time we ended up naked in the middle of the V4 hotel."

Freydís thought to herself, "Beowulf.....you are a very loud woman."