Small Feelings

Chapter 6

Author's note: This chapter might get a little triggering towards the end. Reader is advised. I will be adding a TW when it gets near it.

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I quickly got dressed in my black sweats and oversized band shirt I found in my closet. It was there when I unpacked yesterday, I liked it so I took it. I looked over to the mirror next to my closet. She wasn't there. Which was wierd she usually doesn't go away until I give her what she wants. But ever since she came back, she's been acting strange. She's not as loud, angrier, yes, but not as loud as she used to be. Out of everything my parents did to me, she's was the most constant thing that stayed with me. I remember her and everything she put me through. It was as if I was made to store everything she was. I have control, but she was the one who put the tools in my hands and guided me. And I was unable to resist. But when I try to remember the times she wasn't there, those small pockets of freedom I had away from her, nothing comes to mind. As if they didn't exist. But I know in my soul they did. She wasn't always there, so why? Why can't I remember.?

I hear a knock come from my bedroom door, which causes me to flinch in surprise. I get up to go see who it is. When I open the door, I'm met with Emilia smiling at me.

"Hey, honey, you hungry, I just finished making some food, would you like some," she said, not once making a move to go in my room.

"Yeah, I'll be down in a second, thank you," I said  giving her a small smile.

"You better not let Jackson see you with that shirt on, I forgot I left it in here. That used to be his favorite shirt. I couldn't get him to stop wearing. I swear that boy went on a hunt to find it. I just wanted him to get over his superstition that the shirt was lucky," she explained laughing.

Jax, big, tall, overly confident Jax, who could stare you down till you bend, had a lucky shirt. Now that's something new. I can picture him now walking around in his lucky shirt with a big fat smirk on his face. Thinking he's the luckiest guy around.

"You're telling me Jax had a lucky shirt. No way, I never pictured him as the type to have one," I said, now laughing with her.

"Well, he is," she said, turning around.

"Ok, well, foods ready, I'm going to be in my room, and go take a nap, my heads been killing me today," she said, going on her way.

I yelled back, "Ok, thank you for the food, Emilia!"

I went down to the kitchen, immediately smelling the food on the stove. I'm so hungry. I serve myself some and sit myself on the table in the kitchen.

I hear someone coming down and think it's Emilia.

"Emilia, this food is so good. Is it a family recipe?" I questioned before I looked up from my plate and saw Jax standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

"Uh, sorry, I thought you were Emilia," I said, embarrassed.

He looks at me confused. Then he walks closer. He rests a hand on the back of my chair and leans close to me.

"That shirt, darling. Do tell, where you found it?" He asked, looking at my shirt.

"In my closet, why do you ask?" I questioned back with a small smirk on my face, also leaning in.

He grabs the back of my shirt and checks the tag.

I see a smile form on his face, "That's funny, because this shirt has my initials on it. Hmmm, I wonder, why would that be?" He said, leaning in closer.