فيزا
'I hopped off that rollercoaster a few days ago, man'. I finally satisfy Stone's curiosity, because at this point it's clear that unless we talk about either Sean or Bessie, we don't have anything to tell eachother, not even Paula Abdul related stuff (he doesn't even give one fuck about my Paula inspired nose job of the future, what an insolent!) ... and with this, I very painfully let him know that Sean and I are no longer together. That we used to together, and the high phase of our romance was best seller book kinda amazing ... but now we are no longer together, and the low phase that he started himself (the night he broke me, my heart, my self esteem, my bottle of Dior foundation inside my makeup case and my expensive as heck bottle of Shalimar) is hurting like a motherfucker. Because y'know, being with my Mr. Honda Four was one hell of a rollercoaster, full of strange highs and strange lows, to say it à la Depeche Mode, but it was addictive, I'm still addicted to him, my heart is still full of unconditional, genuine love for him... and no matter what happened between us, in the good and in the bad, I'd still buy the ticket and take the ride with him all over again. Because I know his worth, I know mine too, I know that we're meant to be, I know that together we can overcome any hardship, like we always did, I know that we're still, dearly in love with eachother, because two can't forget a romance as real as ours in just four days... and it's fucking stupid, ridiculously stubborn and delusional of us to keep acting like we don't matter to eachother anymore. Or like we flat out don't exist, I don't know, but from our way of not hitting the other one up, not even by mistake, I get the vibe that we're trying to ignore eachother's existence for our own good. We are proud fucking people, both of us, and we're both using silence as a weapon here. Him, because it wouldn't very gangster-like of him, to call me after he did everything he could do to make sure I'd dump him. Me, because I'm still wounded by the bullshit he gave me the night he came back aggressive to me... and also because I am hundred percent sure that he couldn't care any less about my feelings, after our rowdy exchange of four days ago. If he cared about my feelings, or about me at least, he would've listened to what I had to tell him and gave me an ounce of trust, instead of just rushing to wrong conclusions and rushing me to fucking dump him. It's been four days since then, and I haven't even heard from him the one time Bessie called me from his room. But will all of this forced silence lead to? Will it even lead us to somewhere that ain't the psych ward? I honestly don't think so. Because while I'm here, tearing up in front of Stone and doing my best not to smudge my perfect, darkest black eyeliner, Sean is most likely getting drunk and/or venting in front of Bessie, cursing her and her defunct mom on and off, too. It looks like the four of us, Bessie, Stone, Sean and I are threaded in our fates... and for how sad it is that we're all struggling and hurting to different extents, it's nice to know that we aren't alone in this. It's nice to think that if we keep being eachother's hype people (in private), we're going to overcome our issues and finally, be happy again. I've got Stone, and Stone's got me. I've got Bessie, and Bessie's got me. Bessie's got Sean, and Sean's got... none, because he couldn't give any less fucks about consoling someone in need, but he wouldn't say no to being consoled because he's a fucking sneaky opportunist. Selfish much, still such a Sean thing of Sean. And then he really, fucking has the audacity to chime in and make it sound like I AM the insensitive, self centred one in this whole situation... AS IF!
Anyways. I've satisfied Stone's curiosity, answering his questions about Sean although I would've never wanted to. I've just told him that we're no longer together, and that my days on the Kinney Express are over... so, can we stop talking about the affairs of my heart, now that he knows my heart is broken and talking about my issues only adds salt to the wound? Can we talk about how shitty the weather is, here in Seattle? Because it's raining cats and dogs, it looks like both of us don't have an umbrella, my saddle and my helmet are getting soaked by the side of the road, hence I have no clue how I'm even gonna ride back home... and we better find another topic to talk about, given that we won't be able to leave the Starbucks until the rainfall subsides a little, and that we're so on two different sides of the spectrum, so incompatible, that it seems like we don't have any interesting arguments to bring to the table. We can't talk about Paula Abdul because I've ran out of fun facts about her. We can't talk about nose jobs because I don't think Stone cares about my aspiration to have Michael Jackson's same, snatched side profile. We can't talk about Bessie because it makes Stone get all flustered and awkward. We can't talk about Sean because it makes me wanna bawl my eyes out and cry. So, let's talk about the weather? I'm really curious to find out if Stone has watched the forecast channel this morning, and if he happens to know if it'll rain tomorrow too.
