⚠️TW: SH/SCARS⚠️
Johnnie's pov
I woke up earlier than Jake somehow. I rubbed by eyes and realized I fell asleep on Jake's lap. I quickly sat up and decided to check my phone. My heart sank as there were many people attacking me for being gay, calling me immature and so on. The posts kept getting worse and worse the more I scrolled. On the other hand, those who still supported us and were happy for us were wondering why the live ended early and what happend. On top of that, there were people whom were starting to sexualize me. I wept quietly as I kept reading. Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. It was Jake. "Oh.. sorry for waking you up just go back to sleep" I sniffled. "What's wrong?" He asked. I handed him my phone. He read some of the posts before putting my phone away and hugging me. I cried in his arms as he comforted me.
After I finally calmed down, Jake and I decided to go live and talk about it. We sat together and started the live.
Johnnie: "hello everyone um hope you're all doing well. Today I wanted to address all the hate I've been getting. If you don't know basically a lot of people are coming at me and Jake for being gay, people are sexualising and calling me immature. I just wanna say that if you're homophobic or you just don't have anything positive to say, just don't. Like really.. it's not that hard to just block me right?"
I kept talking while Jake stayed by my side. After I finished and ended the live, I got a text from Tara.
-Their chat-
Tara: are you okay? I was watching you live. Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over?
Johnnie: it's okay
Tara: well can we eat lunch together? You can bring Jake with you don't worry
Johnnie: sure, can we eat at ***** ?
Tara: sure, see ya there!
Johnnie: alright
Jake and I got ready and went to go meet up with Tara. We decided to walk around and go shopping before eating. The whole time we were shopping, Jake kept asking me if I wanted anything when he would catch me looking at things. Even if I just stared at it for 30 seconds, he'd pick it up and put it in the cart and I had to tell him that I was just looking. He spoiled me and bought me whatever I wanted, including random stuff we just found funny. We had a blast and went to go eat together and I forgot all about my problems.
-at night (2:34am)-
I can't sleep. The negative things people are saying about me and Jake is bothering me so much. I can't ignore them no matter what I do. I silently get out of bed and get myself a drink. I sat in his backyard, drinking the night away while smoking.
After a few too many drinks, I heard a familiar voice behind me. It was Jake. "Johnnie? What are you doing back here?" He asked. I stared at him blankly. He signed and tried to take the bottle away from me but I kept holding on to it, "noooo... one more drink pleaseee.." He snatched the bottle from my hand and put it away as he picked me up. "Hnnnngn.. Jake I'm gonna vomit" I mumble. He quickly rushed me to the bathroom as I threw up. Fuck. Maybe I drank too much. He cleaned me up and helped me to bed and tucked me in. "Are you okay? Why would you randomly do that?" He asked me with worried eyes. I didn't say anything and clung onto his arm. He held me in his arms as he patted my head until I finally fell asleep.
-When Johnnie woke up-
Ugh.. my head hurts.. what happend? What time is it? I reach for my phone. 1:56pm. I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I made my way to find Jake. He was watching the tv as I walked over to him. "Johnnie! You're awake, good morning," he said as he turned around. "Good morning.. what happen last night?" I asked as I sat down beside him. He explained what happen and everything soon started come back to me. I still feel so tired. I really don't feel like posting today but I haven't posted in almost a week. I sigh as I zone out, staring into nothingness. Jake pulled me closer to him and put my head on his shoulder as he continued watching tv. I could see him glancing at me every few minutes.
-later at night-
I went back to my own house while Jake was going to a party. He invited me. But I declined and said I just wanted to stay home and didn't feel like going out. He was hesitant, but he agreed. I'm home alone now. I lay in bed staring into nothingness as I zone out. I don't have any motivation to post or go live or anything. I'm going crazy. Social media is draining my mental health so badly. Maybe we should've just kept it to ourselves. Fuck. I take out the little box under my bed and lock the door incase Jake or Tara decides to come to my house and surprise me or something. I opened the box and took out a blade. I stared at it. Should I do it? Fuck it. I drag the blade across my skin. It stings, but I don't care. I cut deeper and deeper, I can't stop myself. I lost control as I kept cutting deeper and deeper. I can't think, my mind goes blank. I don't know what I'm doing. My eyes fill with tears. Fuck.
Word count: 977
