We'll meet again...(Ticci Toby x Transmasc Reader)

Chapter Four: Without Him

It had been two years and seven months since Toby left. Despite it being such a long time ago, the pain never left. The pain and grief never got better or healed in the slightest. If anything, it only got worse. The longer ago it was, the further away you were from Toby.

You still worse his hoodie to bed every night, and you still watched videos of the two of you together so you could remember his voice. If you were to ever forget it, you'd never forgive yourself. 

Despite it being so long, you still had hope he'd come back. He promised he would, and he'd never break his promise, would he? 

Even if he did come back, he would've never recognized you if he were to see you again. When you were with him, you were just at the beginning of your transition. Now, you were on testosterone, you had top surgery, and you cut your hair. You were happy that your transition was going well, but devastated Toby wasn't there to help you through it. 

You were lying in your bedroom, wearing Toby's hoodie. For the first three months, you didn't wash it. You knew how gross and unhygienic that was, but you felt like if you washed the hoodie, you would be washing away Toby. The only reason you ended up washing it was because you had accidentally spilt milk on it, and were worried it would completely ruin the hoodie. So, you ended up washing it. If the milk had never spilt on it, you very well could've gone a whole year without washing the hoodie.

Although the hoodie lost Toby's scent well awhile ago, you still wore it. It had touched Toby's skin, and now it was touching yours. It was almost like an indirect hug. 

Toby's hoodie wasn't the only piece of him you had. Before leaving, Toby forgot to collect all his items. You weren't sure if he meant to or not, but he also left his cologne at your house. Occasionally, you would grab the bottle and open it to smell it. 

You did everything in your power to remind yourself of Toby. Anything he had touched had high significance to you. It didn't matter what it was. It could've been something he had gifted you, or just a pillow he had used. 

You knew this coping mechanism wasn't exactly the healthiest, but it was better than a number of other things you could be doing.

You refused to get help, you didn't even want it. You didn't want to move on with your life.  All you wanted was Toby, but you couldn't have him. All you could do right now was wait, and that's exactly what you did. You waited. 

Author's Note: So two things...first is that I am aware that this chapter is really short, but I didn't want it to be that long. This chapter is more of a transition to the future, and wasn't supposed to have any story elements. Second is that I'm sorry for not posting chapters for a couple days. To be honest, the reason is because I started playing Stardew Valley and I'm kinda addicted and instead of taking an hour to write I spent an hour playing it...blame my lack of self indulgence not me.