Crybaby

6 - Mingi

Mingi was awake. They had landed in Seoul late in the evening and then been brought to their apartments. Seonghwa and San were already asleep, which made sense. They had to get up early tomorrow for the fan meeting that had been postponed due to the Japan trip. Although the trip had been short, such spontaneous additional appointments always messed everything up, and the upcoming appointments were piling up.

Mingi lay in the darkness on his large bed, staring at the ceiling. He had given up trying to fall asleep hours ago. His thoughts were incessant, and there was nothing he could or wanted to do about it.

Slowly, he slid his hand out from under the blanket and raised it, examining it in the dim light of the night.

He couldn't stop thinking about the previous evening, when he had lost it and grabbed Yunho in the men's restroom at the airport, pressing him against the wall. It had been so easy for Mingi to gain control over him...

He let his hand fall onto the bedsheet and closed his eyes.

Yunho had lost weight, that wasn't a secret. But he looked pale, his eyes appeared even larger than usual due to the weight loss and the dark circles underneath, and Mingi could feel that Yunho was thinner than he had thought when he restrained him with his own body. He felt so terribly fragile and powerless yesterday that it scared Mingi...

Add to that the nosebleed, and Mingi could have sworn that Yunho would start crying at any moment if the manager hadn't come and interrupted them. Mingi knew Yunho's look when he was on the verge of tears... Yunho tried to suppress it and hide it, but his eyes gave him away every time.

The sight of Yunho had burned into Mingi's retina, and every time he closed his eyes, he saw his tortured face. It haunted him, the sight had been terrible. He preferred to see his friend happy and hear him laugh.

Mingi rolled onto his side and pulled the blanket over his head.

The last thing he wanted was to scare Yunho, to make him cry, or worse, to hurt him... mentally or physically. And yet, he had accomplished all of that yesterday.
How could it have come to the point where Mingi, of all people, had given him a bloody nose?

I'm such an idiot... I didn't want to hurt him... Man, I just wanted some space. It was way too crowded, and I panicked... I don't want to panic all the time, I don't want to be the one people worry about all the time. I'm not 16 anymore... I'm an adult.

He ran his hand through his hair under the covers. Yunho still treated him like a child though... And he just didn't understand that he didn't have to anymore.

But what else can I do besides telling him? Maybe he really doesn't have as much interest in me as before... Maybe we're just not as close friends anymore. Do I just have to accept that?

His thoughts made him sad. Briefly, he remembered happier and carefree times when they both spent their free afternoons in middle school gaming or hanging out outside.
He threw the blanket off and rolled onto his other side. Mingi was stubborn and wilful... No, he thought. Absolutely not. Not until he tells me exactly that to my face. He owes me...

Mingi felt so close to Yunho. So, so close. He had told him many times... But from Yunho's side, there were always mixed signals. He didn't reject him, but he didn't fully engage with him either. He kept him at arm's length, but only just far enough that Mingi felt he would eventually let him come closer.
Did Yunho even realize how much he was stringing him along?