For Your Eyes Only (ShubmanxIshan)

discombobulated

     (adj.) emotionally confused or uncertain 

Shubman's hands itched to just grab his phone and call him up. But he had decided he would control all the urges to do that. He had to. He wouldn't trouble him with all the burden every time he felt like he'd just fall apart, could he?

Shubman sighed deeply. He needed someone to talk to. His mind was spiralling. But everyone he knew was dealing with something or the other at the same moment. He tried taking a deep breath to calm himself down but only ended up choking more.

"No....n-no...please no," Shubman kept murmuring, his head in his hands. He couldn't breathe properly.

"You can do it, Shub. Please, Ish, I need you!" He cried softly. He slipped off the bed and sat with his head buried in his legs, trying hard to make his breathing normal.

"No...I wi-ll not distur-bb him...I ca-an do t-this.....please, Shub, please Shub...." Shubman swayed back and forth slightly, murmuring to himself.

"Pl-lease," he cried again.

Shubman was still shaking when he heard his phone ring. He let it. He didn't have the energy to breathe, let alone pick up the phone and talk with someone. Thus, the phone rang, once, twice, 4 times and it all became silent. Shubman still sat there, crying, swaying back and forth. 

"Shub! Ishan called me, man. Why aren't you picking up his calls? Shub!" Rashid's loud voice cut through the silence in the room. Shubman lifted his head. Ishan? How long did he sit like that? Could he breathe again properly? He took a deep breath and did so without at least choking this time. Rashid rapped on the door loudly.

"Shub!" RAP-RAP-RAP. "Are you asleep?"

Shubman quickly wiped away his tears and coughed a few times to make his voice sound normal.

"Ye-yeah, Bhai, I'm fine. J-just got out of the washroom, sorry.... will call Ish back, you don't worry bhai," Shubman yelled loud enough for the person behind the door to hear. He heard the footsteps walk away from the door after Rashid bid him goodbye and goodnight. Shubman sighed in defeat. 

He knew that no way in hell would he be able to hide his state from his best-friend cum lover. He was still contemplating this when his phone rang again, obviously, the other side being none other than Ishan. This time though, Shubman picked it up.

"Shubi! Gadha hai tu? Pagal hai tu? Phone nahi utha sakta?" Ishan thundered as soon as the call was picked.

Shubman chuckled wetly. No matter what, that voice could always make him chuckle.

"Shub? Please na, bacha. Please na kuch bol."

"Ish, I'm fine."

"Haan, sunai de rha hai tera FINE, "Ishan retorted.

"Ish, I just... I didn't wanna burden you with my problems as well on top of your own... please gussa na kar," Shubman knew he couldn't pretend shit in front of Ishan so he decided to come clean.

"You sound like you cried, Shub. You don't cry just because! And burden me? Chal na, ye sab kisi aur ko boliyo,"Ishan scolded him.

"Ish, I didn't know what to do. You are deep into your problems, pressure and expectations... I didn't--I--"

"Agar mai nahi toh kisi aur se baat karni chahiye this na, bacha?" Ishan softened his voice.

"Ish, Everyone is knee-deep into their problems, you know it, Ish. With the World Cup coming, the outside noise is just increasing and they're all under tremendous pressure....didn't wanna disturb them."

"Boliyo last line ek baar dobara see, Shub...record karke bhaiya logo ko bhejunga zara," Ishan threatened.

"Sorry na, but you know it's the truth... the outside noise is just increasing and they're all under tremendous pressure...I seriously didn't wanna disturb them," Shubman quickly mumbled the last part.

Now Ishan sighed. What would he do with his man-child, he wondered.

"Agar baakiyo ko Maine bataya na toh saare apne match chhodke tere ko peetne aa jaayenge. Itni overthinking kaise kar leta hai?"

"Tu toh jaisa karta hi nahi hai," Shubman said, being a brat.

"Pitega tu, mil mujhe. And ye kya apne upar undue pressure create kar rakha hai tune? Ek match hara hai, 2 aur bache hain, itna low mat ho, meri jaan."

"2 match bache hain and 5 haar chuke hain. I am doing shit captaincy and everybody can see it."

"Kon hai everybody? Media? Mai? Kon, Shub? Tujhe pata hai teri age kya hai? Tujhe pata hai tune is baar ki top IPL teamein harane mei GT ko lead kiya hai? Kya tujhe lagta hai ek captain koi ban jata hai to necessarily saare matches jeetane hi hote hain, warna they have to be termed as a bad captain? Tu thoda gadha hai?"

"Inn sab stats se koi fark nhi padega, Ish agar hum playoffs nhi jaa paaye. And you know what, aaj haarne see zyada mujhe is baat ki tension thi ki what if RCB haar gai. Which captain does that? That's being a traitor to your own team."

"That's being compassionate towards your brother, Shub and not a traitor. You are a damn good captain, Cap. Harry bhaiya ko dekh. Vi bhaiya ko dekh. Faf bhai, Ro bhai, Rah bhai... sab toh phir failed captain kehlane chahiye na? Itne itne matches haare hain hum-and- vo under these peoples' captaincies?"

"They are under pressure. They are not me."

"Haan yaar. Sahi keh rha hai. Tu insaan hai hi kahan? Pressure won't affect your performance, nooo, god forbid it does and Shub, tu toh bhagwaan hai na? First to last game jeetne ka har captain ka sapna hota hai, Shubman Gill! Zaroori nahi ki aisa hi hoyega! Apne aap ko insaan samjh Shub, faaltu mei faaltu expectations apne upar daalega na toh it will end even worse than what it could be."

"Tu bohot daant-ta hai, Ish. Mai itna pyara sa hun, sab marte hain mujhpe and mai jispe marta hun, vo hi mereko itna sara daant deta hai. I won't talk to you, jaa," Shubman pouted. He wished his man was there to kiss his pout away. 

Ishan laughed loudly. This kid would be the death of him

"Acha meri jaan, I'm sorry. Tu promise kar tu aisa kam sochne ka try karega and socha toh kisi se toh at least baat karega and I promise mai tujhe kam daantne ki koshish karunga. We're all there for you, Shub. Believe us, we believe you, baby."

"I believe you. I promise, Ish. It's just that the hate increased so much and the back-to-back losses shayad got my mind spiral badly...I'm sorry, babe," Shubman had calmed down completely. He should've called Ishan in the first place. He was stupid.

"It's not okay, baby and it will never be but bacha, agar tu aise kabhi bhi feel kare like raat ke 3 baje bhi, toh mai hun. Tere liye humesha mai hun. And baaki sab bhi. Soch unhe kitna bura lagega agar ye sab pata chalega? I love you, Shubi and I cannot bear the thought of you being hurt, ever."

"I love you too, Ish. More than so much."

Thank you for taking the time to read this beautiful readers.

This is when GT lost to RCB and what may have been going on in Shubman's head. He's vIRAT's kid, he knows overthinking the best.

My intention is not to hurt anyone with my ideas or my words. These are going to be absolute imaginary stories and nothing will be the truth, for I am not that lucky to witness the actual truth.

Lastly, I hope you all liked this one and please vote and comment.

Ending the book, thank you sincerely, who gave so much love to this book. Grateful to you all ♥ 

u.

(1236 words)