one more chance - p. bueckers

05

real life

August 1st

Charlie

Ok technically it's Paige's sweatshirt, but she gave it to me like 8 years ago so it's basically mine. She gave it to me the first time I came to one of her basketball games in Hopkins. I'd been to her AAU games before but this was the first time I was going to a game at her school.

I was scared shitless, I don't even really remember why. All I remember was being up in Paige's room a couple hours before the game. We weren't dating at this point, and only 14, so our parents had no problem us being alone in her room, with the door shut.

Flashback

"What's wrong Lottie?" Pagie asks me, sitting down on her bed next to me.

Paige is the only person that ever called me Lottie. And no one will ever call me that again.

"Nothing i'm just nervous. I don't know anyone from your school. Plus it doesn't help i'm a freshman."

Paige never had any problems making friends. Like I said before, she is just naturally gifted at everything, making friends was one of those things.

Me? No so much. The only reason me and Caitlin became friends was because our parents went to high school together. Then I met Paige through Caitlin.

"Lottie you will be ok, I promise." Paige says to me grabbing my hand.

"I'll see if I can sit with you while the Freshman and JV play. It's not like I'll be get in  anyway." Paige says laughing at her self.

Oh yeah did I mention that Paige isn't allowed to play with the Freshman or JV anymore. Yes you read that right, girl is not allowed.  After dropping 67 points her first freshamn game let's just say parents were less than happy, they actually made a petition to only allow Paige to play on varsity.

I seriously wish I was making this up. No wonder why her ego is so big. She's always been the most talented player everywhere she's gone, regardless of age.

Paige thought it was hilarious and didn't really care. I thought it was bullshit but I'm kind of thankful now, because I can stay with her a little bit longer.

"You still look upset talk to me baby I'm here for you"  Paige said in a more serious tone now.

She never fails to give me butterflies.

"It's nothing I'm just stressed with school and stuff. You know mid terms and stuff" I say lying through my teeth.

She knows I'm lying, she knows me better than I know myself.

"Charlotte." She says her voice much more stern now. "Tell me what is wrong" She says.

I turn away and I can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head. I start to cry. My head falling into my lap.

"No no no, baby don't cry" Paige says now getting up and kneeling in front of me, almost between my legs.

"Lottie I never wanted you to cry, I'm sorry I pushed you too far I'm just worried about you. Please I want to help" She says to me now, almost pleading with me.

"You can't help me Paige, there's something wrong with me" I saw with my head still in my hands, unable to look her in the eye.

This is not how I planned this going at all. But I need to tell her, it's eating me alive.

"Paige.." I start but she interrupts me.

"There is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect. There is nothing you could tell me that would make you not love you anymore, I promise you baby."

"Paige..." Standing up, I start pacing around her room. She sits back on her bed, silent. Knowing that I just need to speak my truth.

I finally stop pacing and turn to face her.

"I love you." I say with full sincerity, looking her dead in her eyes.

"I love you too Lottie you are my best friend." She says to me grabbing my hands.

"No you don't understand. I'm in love with you Paige. I want you, I want to be with you,  kiss you, other things..." I say trailing off embarrassed at my words.

"I have been in love with you for a while. And I know we are both girls and we are Christian and I still believe in God and stuff but I just can't keep this a secret anymore."

I finally managed to tell her. Oh God what did I just do. Paige just stares at me, not saying anything. Why did I tell her. Why did I say something, now i'm going to lose my best friend.

"That was joke, I didn't mean anything I just said. Can we please just forget it. I'm sorry i should go, i'm so so-"

My words are cut off, she's kissing me?
Oh my God she is kissing me.

After a few seconds she pulls away, and is now holding my face. I don't even notice i'm crying again until I feel her thumb brush under my eye, wiping the tears away.

"I'm in love with you Charlie, and I have been for a while. I was just scared to tell you. But turns out you feel the same" Paige says smiling at me.

We spent the rest of the time before the game just catching up, and doing our new favorite thing, kissing.

Right before we left is when Paige gave me her sweatshirt. Technically it was apart of her uniform but she didn't care.

I proudly worse my Bueckers sweatshirt to the game. And i'm pretty sure I kept on for like 3 days. The only time I would ever take it off was for Paige to wear it to sleep in, so it would smell like her again.

I don't think Paige or I stopped smiling for that whole night. Or the rest of the weekend. We didn't really know what this meant for us but we didn't care. We were happy.

End of flash back

What I would do to go back and time and tell 13 year old me to leave that girl alone. I wouldn't be broken if I never met her.

But then you really have to think, would rather have one great love but lose her, or never love at all? I'm still figuring that one out.

It's about 3:30 when I get off the phone with Caitlin, talking to her always makes me feel so much better. I would have talked to her for hours if it wasn't for the fact I literally had to be at the practice court in 30 minutes and it's a 10 walk there.

I decided to just leave my hair down the way that it is, and throw on a pair of black leggings and a UConn sweater I picked up a couple days ago.

I take on last look at my dorm before I leave my sanctuary of sorts. But I have to face my fears, I have to face her, eventually.

Don't let your fears determine your fate Charlie.

—We finally get to see baby paige and charlie together. i seriously love them together so much. it breaks my heart that they aren't together right now😭 but what fun would a story be without some angst. Also did I forget to mention this kinda a slow burn? oops. But anyway. It's finally time for paige and charlie to have a real conversation! also we get to meet our other friends soon. I'm so excited for you guys to meet Car and Mich! They are my babies. Anyway Love you all!!!