one more chance - p. bueckers

11

Disclaimer: This chapter mentions addiction and self-harm. If you aren't comfortable reading this, skip the chapter.

real life

August 2nd

Paige

"Quick, get in the closet." I whisper to her, as she runs and hides.

"Yeah." I say back to Azzi.

"Are you just getting back from the gym now?" I ask looking down at my phone, it's almost 4am.

"No we ended up leaving at around one. We ended up going back to Aubrey and Amaris dorm, and Nika, and Aaliyah both agreed to sleep there just so we can give you some space. They just fell asleep a bit ago. I just wanted to check on you and see if you needed anything. I know the last couple of days have been rough, all things considered.
But I'm here. I just don't want to see you go down that path again. I never want to see you like that again Paige." She says grabbing my hands.

"Thank you Azzi, I love you so much."

"Okay it's late i'm going to head to bed, but we will talk tomorrow yeah?" She says getting up.

"Yes we will, good night."

"Good Night P." She says leaving my room.

I wait until I hear her bedroom door to shut before I speak.

"Ok, you can come out now." I say quietly.

"Azzi is a light sleeper, and her room is right by the door. I don't think you'll be able to make it out of here without waking her up." I say as she exits my closet.

She kinda of just stands there for a bit, I can tell she is nervous.

" I can go sleep on the couch if that makes you more comfortable." I say to her.

"No, it's your bed. I'm not gonna make you sleep on the couch. We're both adults. There's no reason why we can't share a bed." She says to me.

"Do you have anything more comfortable I could sleep in?" She asks.

"Yeah of course." I know she hates to sleep in pants. so I give her one of my basket shirts. Considering she's 5'3 it looks like a dress on her.

I turned around as she changes, and she does the same for me. I get into my bed and under the covers. While she just lays on top of them.

"Charlie cut it out, I know you're cold get under the covers."

She doesn't say anything to me, but she listens. we both lay there for a while before I turn over to look at her, she does the same.

"Can I ask you a question" Charlie says,
breaking the silence.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"What did Azzi mean when she said she doesn't want to see you go down that path again."

Not where I thought this conversation was going.

"It's kinda a long story." I say to her.

"I have time."

I take a deep breath before starting.

"My freshman year was rough to say the least. I felt really alone, being so far from everyone. There was just so much happening in such a short span of time. I just felt so out of control. I became really depressed and I started to spiral. I started drinking and just getting involved in a lot of bad stuff. I could barely go a day without a drink. It got so bad to the point where I was showing up to practice tipsy.

It was Nika who helped me stop drinking and they thought I was getting better. And I was for a little while, but eventually, I replace the drinking with something else. I started...." I trailed off.

It's okay Paige, you are okay, just take a deep breath.

"You don't have to keep going if you're not comfortable."

"No it's okay. I started cutting myself. I just felt so much. There were so much pressure on me with basketball. To be the best. And I just wanted to feel something else. The pain helped me forget everything else that was going on in my life. It was a distraction.

I was able to hide it for a while. It wasn't Azzi found me bleeding out on the bathroom floor, that someone found out. I begged her not to tell anyone, that I had it under control and that I would stop. But she didn't listen to me. She told coach and they made me go to a mental institution for a couple weeks.

Luckily this was in the summer so I wasn't really missing any games or anything. But I took me while to heal from that, I honestly still am. I still go to my therapist once a week. And Azzi doesn't let me use razors, we don't have sharp knives in the house and we only use safety scissors.

I haven't cut myself or had a drink in almost 3 years. But it's still hard sometimes. Last year especially. After I tore my ACL, all I wanted to do was drink. But I didn't.

I'm proud of how far I've come but some days are harder than others."

I've never told anyone that before. The only people that know about what happened are Nika, Azzi, Aaliyah, and the coaching staff. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my chest.

I haven't noticed until now but Charlie is crying. She's been rubbing my hand this whole time trying to give me some form of comfort.

Somehow feels more intimate than what we did earlier. We both stared at each other for a while before she leans in and and kisses me. I wipe her tears away as I lean into the kiss.

But this kiss is different from before. It's not rough, or fast. It's slow and delicate even. she breaks the kiss and looks at me.

"Your eyes are so beautiful. I missed this." She says as she moves in closer to me laying on chest. I pull her close to me and start to rub her back.

I missed this too baby. I don't say anything back to her but I just start to play with her hair.

I kiss her forehead as she starts to drift off to sleep.

"I love you so much baby, I'm so sorry."
I whisper against her forehead.

A few seconds go by before I hear a quiet voice.

"I love you too Paigey"

I'm so fucked.

—3 Chapters in one night baby! WHOOOO go me. But anyway, these two are so fucking confusing. LIKE 😀. Anyway Love you all!!!