one more chance - p. bueckers

12

real life

August 14th

Paige

It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to Charlie. I woke up the night after we were together to find the space next to me empty.

I remember holding her in my arms, playing with her hair as she drifted off to sleep. That was the first time in 4 years I slept without a nightmare. They have been getting better the last 2 weeks but they are still there.

I started having nightmares the night Charlie and I broke up.

All of this is my fault. I never should have told her I loved her. I know she heard me, for God's sake she told me she loved me too.

This whole thing is a mess. I have been playing horrible and Coach knows something's wrong. I just can't get out of my head. I have to see her everyday, and that just makes things worse.

Practice just ended. But I decided to stay behind just to try to work on my jump shots. 

I was only in the gym for about 15 minutes when I heard someone calling me.

"Bueckers, my office. Let's go."
I hear Coach say. Great. I'm going to get yelled at again.

I put my ball away and make my way to his office. He's already sitting down when I get there. He's just staring at me. It's kinda creepy. Was he just sitting here in silence waiting for me?

I just sit down and wait for him to start yelling, but instead he gets up and starts pacing around his office. I just watch him, staying silent.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with you Paige." He says in frustration, more to himself than to me I think.

"I mean what is going on with you kid?" He says as he goes to sit back down at his desk.

He just stares at me for a few seconds before speaking to me in a quiet, almost scared tone, "Are you relapsing?" he questions me.

"No I'm not!" I say louder than I intended to. "You of all people know how hard I worked to get clean, why would I go back down that path?" I say honestly hurt by his accusations.

"Well what am I supposed to think Paige! You are a mess" He says gesturing to my appearance.

"You're showing up to practice late, you look like you haven't slept in days. You're forgetting plays, lashing out on people on the team. You do not look like I know you are. You do not look like the player I recruited." He yells at me.

I noticed and take a few deep breaths before sitting back down again.

" you are one of the best players that I've ever coached Paige. This isn't you. The last time that you were playing like this was when you were drinking and hurting yourself. So I'm gonna ask you again, what is going on?" He says with in sincerity.

I feel like my voice is caught in my throat. I can't speak. I honestly just want to cry.

"Come on Paige you have to give me something. I'm worried about you, hell, the whole team is worried about you. Because this isn't you, you aren't acting like the leader I know you to be. For God's sake Nika has been in my office every day pressuring me to talk to you. But honestly, I wanted to wait it out, do wait for you to come to one of us asking for help.

I don't want to pressure you into talking because I know what happened last time. But I can't let you down this path because it's gonna end up the same way you did last time, with someone finding you bleeding out on the bathroom floor. And that is the honest to God truth.

So please Paige talk to me, tell me what's going on so I can help you. That's my job, not just as your coach, or your mentor, but as your family. I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself again."

I can't stop the tears flowing from my face as Coach finishes his speech to me. I feel horrible, I never meant to worry anyone I just didn't know how to explain what happened.

It sounded dumb, that my whole falling apart because my ex girlfriend told me she loved me.

"I'm not hurting myself again I swear coach," I say lifting up my sleeves to show him my writs, and my shorts to show my thighs. "And I haven't started drinking again either. I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't thought about it these last couple of weeks, but I haven't done anything I swear."

"I believe you Paige, but that still doesn't change the fact that something happened. And you don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable, but please talk to someone. Because I can't have you like this. You are my best player. But more importantly you are like a granddaughter to me and I hate seeing you hurt." He says standing up.

"I'm going to be ok coach, there's just someone I need to talk to." I say wiping my tears away.

"Good." He says pulling me into a hug. "And if you tell anyone that I was being sentimental or anything you will be running full court sprints every practice until you graduate" He laughs and I push him away, laughing with him.

"Love you too coach" I say leaving his office.

Mentally drained from my talk with coach, and physically trained from practice, all I want to do is go home and go to bed.

I had to the locker room and get my stuff together,, before I remember that I left my water bottle in the gym. I make my way back towards the gym, and I see Charlie cleaning up her camera equipment.

I honestly really don't have the energy to have this conversation with her, but the way that she's been avoiding me, I know it's either now or never.

I make my way up to her and I can visibly see her tense by my present. But she makes no action to move from her spot, she just stares at me.

"Charlie, please can we just talk. I know you regret what happened and I'm sorry but please. Just stop running away from me!" I say to her.

She looks at me for another second before she goes back to getting her things together.

I grabbed her shoulder to make her stop moving. "Charlie, please. I can't do this anymore. It's not just affecting me. It's affecting the team. Please just talk to me, we're both adults"

"Fine you want to talk, let's talk then." She finally answers me.

"I care you Paige, that is the truth. But,
we work together. I'll admit, I've been childish the last two weeks. I've avoided you because I didn't know what to say, and for that I'm sorry. What happened between us was a mistake. A mistake that I initiated and again I'm sorry. So can we both just agree to be friends, make this easier on us and just move on?" She says.

I'm in a mental battle with myself. The truth is, I love Charlie more than anything in this world. And I would give anything to be with her again. But I know her, she doesn't trust me. And it's my own fault. I lied to her, I left her. This is my fault. before she'll even think about giving us another shot, she needs to know that I've changed, I need to regain her trust. And the best way to do that is by being her friend.

"Yeah, friends" I say sticking my hand out to shake hers.

"You are so weird Bueckers" She says laughing as she shakes my hand.

My heart flutters at hearing her call me that, but I quickly regain my composure.

"I'm not weird i'm just unique" I say earning another laugh from Charlie.

Hook, Line, Sinker.

She doesn't know it yet, but I just completed step 1 of my new plan.

Operation Make Lottie Mine.

- Hey yall i'm back! so you already know me. I don't proofread so if there's any spelling errors just correct them for me and I'll fix it. lol. anyway sorry this is a shitty chapter, just trying to get back into the grove of writing. anyway love you all!!