kaleidoscope, sam winchester

02. phantom traveler

i hadn't been able to get an ounce of sleep the past 3 months.

we'd always get two rooms. it took us forever to find the perfect sleeping accommodations.

at first, dean and sam shared, but dean got fed with sam waking him due to the nightmares, so sam switched with me and i bunked with dean.

after that, i got annoyed with dean's incessant need to change positions every 5 minutes. even from my bed, i could hear him shifting on his.

char also couldn't put up with sam's nightmares. she didn't have the patience.

we'd finally settled on sam and i sharing. i didn't mind sam's nightmares. i couldn't possibly imagine what he was going through, and i wasn't about to start shaming him for it.

ever since jess died, he wasn't getting sleep. he refused to open up to anyone for several weeks until he finally opened up to me. even then, it wasn't full-fledged venting. he was very selective with what he shared.

the past couple mornings, sam would leave in the middle of the night. who knows what he did during that time, but he'd come back early in the mornings with things from the gas station for dean and char. he knew i hated eating before lunch time, so he'd only bring me a water bottle.

i insisted that he get sleep, but he refused to listen. i could see it in his eyes, he was tired and drained.

i stayed up all night to make sure he didn't leave at night. it was 12 am when he started getting up. i frowned slightly as i laid on my side, facing his back he sat on the edge of his bed, putting on his shoes. "go back to sleep," i whispered sleepily.

he looked over at me. "why are you awake?" he whispered.

"because this whole you not getting sleep thing is getting old. you need sleep, sam."

"it's not like i'm choosing not to," he sighed, walking over to my bed and sitting on the edge of it. he was giving his back to me.

"more nightmares?"

he nodded, clasping his hands together. his forearms rested on his thighs as he leaned slightly forward. "i've tried, karolyn. i have. doesn't matter what i do, they won't stop."

"sammy," i paused. "i know the nightmares suck and make you restless, but you should at least try to go back to sleep. getting up to leave doesn't do you any good." i was still lying on my side, facing his back as he sat there. i couldn't see his expression, just his side profile.

"i'm too tired to argue. move over," he looked back at me.

i shifted over to the right side of the bed, allowing for sam to take the left side. sam laid back, he didn't get under the covers. he stayed over them and stared straight up at the ceiling.

"i don't want you staying up to make sure i sleep," he whispered.

"then stop leaving. if you can't sleep then you can't sleep, but don't just leave."

he kept laying on his back, but he turned his head slightly to see me. "i will."

"thank you."

he kept his gaze on me for a few seconds before breaking the silence, "do i annoy you?"

"why would you annoy me?"

"you were forced into sharing a room with me. when i wake up from nightmares, i can get a little loud.." he trailed off.

"you don't bother me," i said softly.

"good.." he paused. "i'm gonna sleep on your bed."

"okay," i yawned, covering my mouth. "night," i mumbled, turning over and giving my back to him as i closed my eyes and nuzzled into my pillows.