kaleidoscope, sam winchester

05. scarecrow

in the past week alone, charlotte and i had been at each other's throats nonstop. it had been an endless cycle of arguing over the simplest things that just snowballed into something much worse.

it seemed like no matter how much we tried to talk things out, it only served to rile us up even more. we turned the pettiest of things into the biggest of arguments continually.

i was beyond fed up. i tried de-escalating the arguments to no avail. char constantly found ways to push my buttons, push me past my limits.

the situation only worsened last night with dean forcing the two of us into a motel room together for the night. "sam and i need to stay up and find our next case," dean said.

i figured they were only doing it because they themselves were over charlotte and i arguing.

"get over yourself, char," i spat, a small scoff escaping my slightly parted lips as i glared at my younger sister. "you've spent the entire week being a pain in my ass and for what? i've asked you repeatedly to tell me what i did wrong, and you refuse!"

char was good at shutting down, pushing people away. she'd spend the last week with us physically, but mentally, she was checked out.

"don't act so surprised, karo!" charlotte's expression immediately scrunched up in annoyance, her eyebrows knit together as she glared back at me. "you wanna make yourself the victim all the damn time, well guess what? you're not!"

"how am i making myself the victim? i've spent the past week trying to get back on good terms with you, and you just shut me out!" i responded, my tone slightly softer than before. i knew better than to try and get into it with char.

big fights between the two of us weren't often, but when they did happen, they'd get pretty bad. it always consisted of char being stubborn, and me giving up.

"what do you want me to do? you know i'm not gonna open up to you. anytime i do, you try and turn it around or excuse yourself or blame it on anything but you, and it's so fucking annoying. you're so fucking annoying!" charlotte raised her voice.

the built up resentment and anger she held towards me was slowly seeping out despite her best efforts to keep it contained.

i bit my tongue, staying silent for several seconds as i carefully thought out my next words. i was used to char doing this.

this wasn't the first time the whole "resentment" thing had been an issue, it just hadn't been brought up in a while. char loved to blame people for things and make it clear that she held a grudge against them, but she refused to tell them the reason behind her grudges.

i let out a deep sigh, my gaze flickering between char and the gross out-dated motel room carpet. "i don't know how i'm supposed to fix this if you don't tell me what i need to fix."

"everything! you lack so much self awareness, it's actually insane," char clenched her jaw, her nostrils flared slightly as she gradually got more angered.

"see what i mean? you're so vague! You can't blame me for stuff that i'm not even aware is hurting you!" i finally raised my voice in order to match char's tone. it didn't seem to faze char.

i hated confrontation, and i wasn't much good in arguments. char loved to take advantage of it. she was quick witted and knew how to get on my nerves quickly.

"you want me to get specific?" Charlotte asked harshly, her tone overtly rude.

"yeah," i uncrossed my arms, unwilling to continue fighting. "look, i'm honestly really sorry if i've done anything to hurt you. it's never been intentional, you know that, right?"