DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

WHERE THE SPIRITS WERE STIRRED.

'Where the spirits were stirred.' It sounds edgy, and ominous, but honestly.. the first sip isn't that deep. I just like the title. This is going to be about alcohol and when I first got to try it.

The first sip was in a controlled environment. Completely safe. I was 14 and at my friends house. We were waiting for her mom to give us breakfast. That was her rule for the weekends, we could do what ever we wanted, just as long as she got to make us breakfast. Afterall, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. The horror. She was my mom away from mom, home away from home, I had my own bedroom at her house for christ sakes. This particular morning, she had gotten something on her glasses and took them off to wash them. She wasnt technically blind without them, but when she is not paying attention or rushing is when things could get messy, it was like when she stressed she automatically just forgot to see.

She had poured us glasses of milk, and started cleaning the kitchen up. Now, this is the part of the story where I tell you that the night before she had her sister in law over for a girls night while her husband and his brother went out. Whenever her SIL came over it was like they had their own version of Practical Magic's midnight margaritas. But in our small town it was milkshakes or slushies. This night was milkshakes. Her SIL wanted hers spiked though. Did she have to bring the biggest bottle they had? No. But where is the fun in that? RumChata was her drink of choice that night. So, Imagine my surprise when I went to take a sip of my giant ass glass of milk and instead of that 2% goodness I get hit with a creamy rum and cinnamon punch to the throat. It was a planned attack. I'm sure of it. That sweet women felt so bad and even offered to call my parents and tattle on herself. Bless her.

That however wasn't where it stopped. I would spend every weekend at my cousins house in the summer for bonfires and they were in a biker club.. you know the boring small town type, not the cool as hell mafia type. If it was the mafia type, I would have begged and pleated my way into that Lifestyle. But because they were in a biker club, their friends would switch between houses and party it up, so they always had alcohol galore. One night his wife walked out of the house with a clear cup that had the most mesmerizing color of blue I had ever seen. When I had asked her what she had she simply said "UV Sprite." and when I asked what kind of juice that was she laughed and told me it was Alcohol and Sprite, and me, the curious one asked to try it. She said yes, ONLY because it was a controlled enviroment and my cousin was there to help - if needed. Little did I know that one single sip would get my addictive personality flipped upside down.

Every weekend after that would consist of smores and UV Sprites until I was 16. After getting to smoke weed and telling my friends, I also had alcohol under my belt. Or so I thought. Jameson, Jack, Jim, Captain, Grey, Moonshine and the ever growing list was suddenly infront of me every weekend and I was small compared to everyone I was surrounding myself with. I don't know how they started or what they felt the first time they were stood in front of this much alcohol, but I was clearly out of my element. I am not one to conform to peer pressure easily, in fact I am very much the person to try anything once. My first party there was an array of drinks in front of me at this kitchen island and I grabbed what I knew, UV Blue and Sprite.. My friend Ash looked at me with wide eyes and asked why I chose those. I didn't want to lie to her, so I told her that was the first thing I tried. She immediately grabbed the peach moonshine and put a shot glass of it front of me.

That shot started the feeling of letting go while also feeling like my chest was on fire from the 80 proof that I had consumed. The act of not caring and wanting to let go of everything that had been weighing on my chest was slowly slipping and while I knew it was wrong, the weightlessness I felt.. felt so write. Being from a small town, we didn't have a lot we could do outside of partying. But being with them and getting crossfaded felt better than sitting in my room alone and playing sims while all of my friends were drinking and laughing and letting go. I wanted to put Mattew Mcconaughey's 'Dazed and Confused' qoute to the ultimate test and keep livin man, L-I-V-I-N. (The life I lived in highschool will always shock me, because now I am 26 and the thought of drinking any of that makes me sick. oh how the turns have tabled.)