DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

WHERE THE LAST GOODBYE WAS SAID.

Every weekend growing up for as long as I can remember we would make the 4 and a half hour drive to my gramma's house. We would leave Friday after mom and dad got out of work, and come home late Sunday. There was so much to do at grandma's house, so much to look at. Her and her sister lived together and it was always a hoot. You knew they were both home from the endless Diet Pepsi cans littering the kitchen and a chain of smoke to follow. Don't forget the endless boxes of cards that they had throughout the house for a random game of cards whenever they felt like it.

My auntie and my gramma were two peas in a pod. Southern charm and all. They were the only two people in the family (besides my mother) that would say it like it is. Outwardly judge you, but in the sweetest way. a compliment sandwich if you will. My auntie was the one to sneak us kids some candy, and even let us take sips of her pepsi with her when we were over. She smothered us in gifts and never took no for an answer when mom and dad would give her "the look." It always ended the same "you chose to bring my babies over; I'm choosing to shower them in affection." My grandma was the same way but with practical things. Whether it was snacks, books, clothes, socks, pencils for school.

My aunt passed away in 2009 and that hit me hard. I was her right hand man on the weekends when it came to Go Fish or Jack. Jack was my favorite to play with her because everytime I won she would laugh and tell me what a hard ass I was for slapping the table as loud as I could. Growing up I was my moms most sensitive kid. I still am, but less now as the world has taught me how to harden up. This one specific weekend in 2009 she had us stay home with dad so we could drive up. She left midday that Friday and didn't come home until that thursday. We did not think anything of it because our dad would get us ready every morning, drop us off at school and then by the time he got home we would busy ourselves with games/movies ect. We didn't have time to worry about why mom wasn't home with us. My dad was good about distracting us, especially when we would go on drives late at night throughout that week.

When mom did come home, she was sad. It wasn't often that she would cry, or show any emotion other than irritation for those around her or a happy face for us. But this week she looked sad, drained. The two normal emotions she had were void of her face, and it wasn't until that Friday that I was able to ask her what was wrong. Again, I was her most sensitive kid, so getting the courage to ask her was a lot on my part. But that did not stop me from showing her affection and rubbing her arm as I asked. "Momma, why are you sad?" I whispered to her.

"Momma is just trying to get through this week baby, it's been a long one." she whispered back. I wasn't sure I should push, and as I write this, I can still feel the pushback from her like I felt back then. But I pushed through and continued. "You were gone for a while, though. Is grandma and auntie doing okay?" She looked at me with sad eyes and sighed. She pulled me to the living room and called for my older siblings. We were all sitting on the long plaid sofa while she sat in front of us on the love seat. She gave herself a few minutes to gather her thoughts and then began telling us about her trip. Appointments and dinners with auntie and grandma. The laughs and Jokes shared. Remembering to tell us that they loved us so much and missed us more than we will ever know this weekend. I remember the moment perfectly when she had to deliver the news to us, my older siblings were just as quiet as I was. You could hear a pin drop.

"Now, bean. I have already told your siblings, but I have been hesitant to tell you because your heart is so big, and you feel so big too.. I wanted to do this the right way, but I wasn't sure how to do that. But since you are so smart, and could see that mommy was sad, I need you to listen to me okay?" She talked directly to me. I remember nodding my head, waiting to see where this was going. I remember feeling like I was going to be sick, though I wasn't sure why. But when she told me, I remember freezing up entirely. "Auntie wasn't feeling good last week, so I went to visit to see what I could do. The appointments I talked about, they were to tell us what was wrong. Please remember that auntie wasn't in pain, and she was laughing the whole weekend in the kitchen with mommy and gramma, okay? Auntie had to leave us this week. She had some work to do up in heaven, so God called her home to him." Now, my family was not by any means church goers. We did believe in him, but we were no avid church goers. But when she said that God had called her home I knew exactly what she meant.