DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

WHERE THE JOINT GOT PASSED AROUND.

       There is no way to ask if someone smokes weed. You are going to get one of three answers. "No, drugs are bad." "I've never tried it." or the answer any stoner wishes for, "Fuck yeah, light up the spliff bud." Now, growing up around a few people who smoked, I wasn't a prude, just never got the invite to join. But the day it happened, I thought I was going to be overjoyed. When I tell you it was the most anticlimactic shit ever.. a band/4H nerd asked me. and because I had nothing better to do that friday after our "just say no" seminar, I obliged and we drove to this lake we have in our town. 

       She opened up the glove compartment and pulled out this pipe meant to look like a lipstick container, but in no way was it as big a secret as she thought it was because while it was a black tube, the tube had green lettering engraved.. "Not Weed." Like your dad owns this car.. and he's a pastor.. like what? but I digress. All I know is I got home after an hour and had to act like I wasn't high to my mother, who, surprising to me, wasn't born yesterday.

       But who told her mother that she got sprayed with pepper spray? me, why? Because I don't do well under pressure and my mother low key fucking terrifies me. Well, she used to. I'm 26 now. I am untouchable. (I am not in fact untouchable, but I like to think I am sometimes. It helps my ego.)

       That day did however open me up to a world I didn't know was under my nose the whole time. My parents were strict growing up, so I do not in any way blame my friends for not asking, or inviting me. The second I said something to my best friend.. It was backroads for backwoods and 20 year olds in their shitty cars sharing joints and pipes. That was their peak after they graduated afterall. Party with the 15/16 year olds who only hung out with them for their weed. Looking back on it though, I should have seen the giant red flag that was a guy people called "Pickle" who had the emo swoop and wore skinny jeans and fucking reef sandles. Big fuckin oof.

       Joints and backwoods weren't what messed me up though. After building that tolerance, I was introduced to wax, which was harsh as shit, but still didnt affect me. What affected me was the damn edibles. Specifically the sugar gummies. My friend started me off with half, and after an hour I wasn't feeling anything, so I took the other half. Another hour and nothing.. but because I was also drinking, I couldn't have told you what I was feeling or thinking. But I went back and instead of doing another half, I said fuck it and grabbed a full gummy. 

       Now this is where I am going to ask you to set the scene for yourself. Do you know when you are in a car and are driving down a dirt road that just had fresh rock laid down so your body is just vibrating? or sitting in the back of someone's car who has subwoofers?? Yeah, my whole body was in another dimension. Everything was loud, and I could not for the life of me stop vibrating. I was light years away when I felt someone sit in my lap. It was a girl I had never met before and she asked if I needed anything and what my crossfaded brain thought was flirting. I got awkward and tried to disappear into the chair I was sitting in. She laughed while Handing me a drink. A Strawberry Mikes hard lemonade and because I was already fucked and going to hell for partying, I may as well go out with a bang with this shitty ass bitch beer. However, what I don't recall after Mike's hard, is how I got myself home. Like I drove myself. All I know is I woke up still vibrating, In my own bed. Phone wallet and keys next to me, with my mouth dryer than the sahara desert. The panic did set in though and I had to go check that my car was in one piece. Because it wasn't my car, but my moms. And she was coming home that day, so I needed to dot my I's and my T's before I got my ass chewed.