Dazai Osamu, the resident death-wish magnet with his signature brownlocks, groaned under the shade of a giant oak. Today wasn't his day. First, a failed hanging attempt with a traitorous branch. Then, a bandaging crisis followed by a harrowing dog chase (unsuccessfully outrun, of course).
"Worst. Day. Ever," Dazai grumbled, on the verge of sleep, when a flash of white caught his eye. It wasn't the usual boring rabbit - no, this was a man. A peculiar man in a crisp white suit, blonde hair in a neat ponytail, and glasses perched on his nose. He clutched a pocket watch, muttering curses about a darn train and an impending royal beheading. Oh, and yes, he sported a very distinct pair of white rabbit ears.
"Blast it! The Queen's wrath is nigh! Why must this train be late?" the rabbit-man huffed, hopping right over Dazai's face before disappearing down a conveniently placed rabbit hole. Classic Dazai, ever intrigued by the bizarre (the hole, not the rabbit-man), abandoned his nap and peered down the opening.
"Hmm, suicide by️? Interesting..."
Before anyone could say "existential crisis," Dazai plunged in.
•
The descent was a doozy. Endless darkness stretched before him, making him wonder if he'd plummet straight into the earth's fiery core (a fate worse than pain, in Dazai's opinion). Thankfully, the fall slowed, and a faint light emerged. The tunnel walls were a blur of holes and passageways, but something else caught his eye - a falling table with a book titled "Suicide Guide for Dummies" (a bit cliché, even for Dazai). Stuck to the cover was a note: "READ ME, you insufferable mackerel."
His eyes lit up, and he grabbed the book and was about to open and read it when the rabbit guy below him bellowed up.
"WHAT IS A GUY LIKE YOU DOING IN HERE?! ×#$÷×<,+÷=×>&"×$×$;!!!??%$"
"Huhh...this is so noisy."
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"
Dazai smirked, a flicker of amusement dancing in his dark brown eyes. He lazily tossed the "Suicide Guide for Dummies" down the hole, watching with morbid fascination as it landed squarely on the rabbit-man's head.
"Uh, and by the way, what is your name?"
"Kunikida! And what's yours annoying bandaged?!"
"Dazai Osamu!" Dazai shouted back down.
"Ok, Dazai. WHO ALLOWED YOU TO COME DOWN HERE ×÷$×÷<$^<>×$,"×÷*,")×=*,">×÷,"[×÷<&$×<÷&%<×÷&%3<&2!?!?×($*%÷
Dazai placed the book into his pocket and continued observing everything around him, although the guy below him continued to shout, bellow, curse, and yell.
Finally, he ended the fall with a land on the ground from 20m high up. Dazai fell into a seemingly endless hallway.
"Ouch ta ta ta ta ta...This hurts..."
Dazai's dramatic groan echoed down the impossibly long hallway. He pushed himself off the surprisingly plush floor, dusting nonexistent dirt from his bandages. The fall, even cushioned by an air that felt strangely thick with anticipation, had left him a little winded but otherwise uninjured.
"Well, this certainly isn't a suicide by falling," he remarked, a hint of disappointment tingeing his voice. He considered for a moment, then, with a mischievous glint in his eye, decided to explore the only exit offered by the hallway.
"And was certainly...uneventful," he muttered, boredom creeping into his voice. "For a suicidal descent, this lacks a certain panache."
He then began to try and open any doors that he came across, and when he reached the last one and opened it, water poured in, engulfing our brunette. Water quickly took in any space within the seemingly endless hallway. Dazai was carried away by the flow. He was drowning and was about to go out of air.
YOU ARE READING
Ǧ̶̥a̵͜͝m̶̨̎è̵̪ ̶͙͘Ŏ̵̼n̴͙̑
Fanfiction"I wish this universe had a few more things to do. Don't you get bored running across the map everyday?" • "Can you let me have some fun this time?" • Story about a genius hacker named in a world full of ability users, who always views the universe...
