Scope of Life || Yeonbin

chapter 13: the anxiousness

Soobin's POV:

Yeonujn was finally feeling alright, and he said he would be coming into work tomorrow. I was excited, but also slightly terrified. I managed to rack up the courage to get some flowers at the store and go to his apartment unannounced. So now, I've been standing outside the door for the last two minutes, staring the number on his door.

I tried to control my breathing, gripping the flowers in front of me because of how nervous I was. I think I've convinced myself that I should leave, that I should stay, and that this is a stupid idea within the last two minutes of me standing here.

I finally shook my head, getting a wave of confidence and reaching out to knock on the door. I regretted it right after, those intrusive thoughts coming back. I think I stopped breathing when I saw the doorknob turning, and then I just stared at Yeonjun when he opened the door. He was wearing just jeans and a tee shirt, but he looked so cute as he tilted his head to the side, "Soobin?..." He smiled right after, leaning against the door frame, "Hey, what're you doing here?" He asked softly, with so much confidence.

I was frozen for a moment, my lips parting as I stared at him. I didn't know what to do, and I guess I was quiet for too long, "You ok?..." He gestured towards me, "Love the flowers."

My hand started to shake a little, feeling my face heating up, "H-Hi." I stuttered out, trying to stabilize my breathing.

He chuckled a little, "Hi, Soob."

I didn't know what to do, so I just cleared my throat and reached my hand out with the flowers. I was quiet, suddenly forgetting how to speak. Yeonjun smiled a bit wider, "Oh, they're for me? They're beautiful."

I nodded as he took them from my hand, hiding how it was shaking by hurrying to put it behind my back. I took a quiet deep breath, "I-I wanted to ask you s-something." I replied, mentally slapping myself in the face because of how much I was stuttering.

Why am I so nervous?

His eyebrows raised up, "Oh, ok – What's up?"

I looked into his eyes, squeezing my hands together. I just need to say it before I lose the courage, "I-I wanted to see if—"

"Yeonjunie? Who is it?" I was cut off, a voice coming from inside his apartment.

My heart dropped for a moment, sounding like a woman's voice. Yeonjun sighed, turning his head a little, "Eomma, it's my coworker."

I felt hotter than normal, like the temperature just rose to a million degrees in here. Oh my god, I've been embarrassing myself in front of Yeonjun and his mom. Geez, how can this get any worse?

"Well, let him inside already. Don't make him stand out there." She replied.

Yeonjun gave me a soft smile when he turned back to me, "Want to come in? Sorry, my mom's just cooking us some dinner."

I immediately wanted to say no, but I heard that voice in my head.

You're an adult, Soobin. It's fine.

"S-Sure." I said, clearing my throat a bit afterwards.

Yeonjun opened the door wider for me, gesturing for me to come inside. I hesitantly took a few steps, hearing Yeonjun closing the door behind me. I turned my head towards the kitchen, seeing his mom by the stove with three pans cooking at the same time.

I got distracted when Yeonjun placed his hand on my lower back, my breath hitching lightly, "Eomma, this is Soobin."

She turned her head, smiling at me for a moment before she looked back at the stove, "Hi, how're you doing?"

Thank God she wasn't looking at me, "G-Good..." I cleared my throat, trying to stop myself from stuttering, "I'm good, how're you?"

She smiled, "Hungry." She replied, letting out a small laugh right after.

I did the same to break the tension, and Yeonjun patted my back a little to get my attention. I turned to him, and I could feel a bead of sweat finally starting to slide down my face from being so nervous. He just smiled, "What did you want to ask me?"

I knew he could see how anxious I was, he reads me like a fucking book all the time. And for some reason, right now, he was ignoring everything.

I paused, staring at him because he just looked so pretty as he held the flowers against his chest. He was smiling at me, softly as to not be overwhelming, but big enough to reassure me. My hand was still shaking, squeezing it as I replied, "Oh, umm... I-I just wanted to see if..." I said, repeating what I had mentioned earlier. I gulped since his mom was literally ten feet away from us, and I was way too overwhelmed and nervous to say what I wanted, "I wanted to see if you were doing ok..." I forced a smile, releasing a breath I didn't realize I was holding in, "You know, first day back at work tomorrow and everything."

His smile faded a little, "Oh..." He mumbled, but then perked up right after, "My head is fine now, don't worry. I got cleared by the doctors and everything."

I nodded, avoiding his eyes, "Right, right..." I replied, wanting to get out of here, "Well, umm... I'll let you guys have dinner."

I was about to turn on my heel, but Yeonjun stopped me, "Do you want something to eat? You can stay if you want."

I quickly shook my head, "I-I ate already..." I said, turning a little to his mom, "It was nice to meet you, ma'am. I'll see you tomorrow." I added, and then hurried towards the door before they could reply to what I said.

I ran to the elevator, literally sprinting until I got to the metal doors. I reached out and pressed the button repeatedly until it opened. I started going to the ground floor, finally feeling like I could breathe again when the elevator doors closed. I held onto the metal railing in the confined space, almost collapsing from the rate at which my heart was beating.

When I made it to the ground floor, I walked swiftly to my car, getting in the driver's seat and closing the door. I gripped the steering wheel, breathing heavily and trying my beat to slow down. I was doing that breathing exercise I learned, closing my eyes and counting my breaths in the process. I eventually leaned forward, banging my head on the top of the steering wheel out of pure embarrassment.

I know he saw how my hand was shaking.

I know he saw how much I was sweating.

I know he heard how much I stuttered.

So. Fucking. Humiliating.

I just contemplated for a while, sitting in my car outside Yeonjun's apartment complex. I felt exhausted once my breathing finally steadied out, picking my head up from the wheel. I took one last deep breath, composing myself to finally drive back to my apartment.

I'm never doing that again.