forbidden~anakin skywalker

༻nine༺

   i sit on the bed, staring at my tear stained hands. i'm a complete and under imbecile. i push away the love of my life and push him to another woman just to be mad at him for looking for what he has with me somewhere else.
   do i want him back?
   yes.
   will i try to get him back?
   yes.
   it's the middle of the night and i go to reflect and think of a plan whilst looking at the stars. they're bright tonight. the glow leaving a soft twinkle of dancing stars over the lake.
   i hear footsteps and reach for my lightsaber beside me.
   "don't." a familiar voice rings in my ears. "it's only me."
   i look at the doorway to see anakin stood there in black loose fit pants and no shirt, his chest glistening with sweat.
   "another nightmare?"
   he nods and sits beside me "my mother again. i fear she'll be gone soon. i have to save her."
   "so do that. go save her. padmè is safe here with me." perhaps if he goes to his mother it'll give me more time to think of a plan to win back his heart.
   he chuckles "after the way you spoke to me earlier i fear that if i leave you'll wreak havoc here and she may not be safe." he sees the hurt plastered over my face "i'm only kidding. i know you would never hurt padmè...and you know i would never hurt you right?"
   i nod "i know. we are friends...i said earlier that we aren't but we are."
   "then as a friend i want you to know that i do love padmè. i really do."
   dank farrik. he loves her. will i be able to win him back now? i can certainly try.
    "anakin...i still love you...if you still love me..."
    "i do still love you." he confesses.
    "then after padmè is sage why don't we run? leave to tatooine and never be found and have a life. not as padawan but as anakin and imani. i could be imani skywalker. doesn't that sound nice."
   he nods "it does. but you're the one who ended it with me. you want to be on the council and i won't be the one in the way of that dream of yours. you want to follow in your fathers footsteps and i do not want to separate that bond you have with him."
   i confess "obi-wan isn't my father." he looks at me confused so i explain "my real parents were two jedi who turned to the dark side of the force when they fell in love because they wanted to protect one another. i didn't want that to be us. i didn't want either of us turning to the dark side to protect the other. obi-wan adopted me as him own and had me raised in training."
   his arm wraps around me "that wouldn't happen. we are both good are we not?" his arm moves back "but you broke it off with me. i won't just go running back to you like that because it could only end in more heartbreak. which i don't want for either of us. plus it would break padmè's heart which could end in her telling the council on us if we are not careful."
   he's right. "so we run away. leave the jedi. no longer padawan just us. a boy from tatooine and a girl raised into the jedi but not one herself."
   anakin shakes him head "no."
   "well then i should leave." i stand. "go if you want to save your mother. i'll be here with padmè."
   i get back to my room and sit on the bed. i stare at the saber in my hands. the light through the window reflects on the silver making it seem like a beautiful artefact and less like a deadly weapon. but i will always know it as a weapon.
   for years i have had dreams of holding it to my chest and sticking it through my heart. not that i would ever really do that. but do i even have a heart now? it feels as though it has crumbled to a million pieces.
   only one way to find out.
   i raise it to my chest and hold it there for a few seconds.
   should i really do this?
   is there a point in life without my love?
   without anakin to keep me going am i really cut out for everything being a jedi will throw at me?
   it's all i know.
   it's all i can be.
   but can i be it without him?
   my grip on the hilt tightens as i flick the switch and i hear the blade ignite before i no longer feel anything and everything goes black.