The Love You Want (sleep token fic - Polyvessels)

III: Part Nine

Vessel was exhausted. All he wanted was to rest. As much as Vessel enjoyed the sex, enjoyed the pleasure and the affection III gave him, he's so fucking tired. It wore him out, the most taxing thing he's done physically in a while. There will be no rest to recover from it either, no death to reset his body at the end of the day. He promised.

Vessel feels worthless. All he had to offer was his body. Now III won't even want to have sex with him, Vessel is sure, and II hasn't come to Vessel yet. Vessel is sure he won't want to have sex with him, either. He'd heard, and well, felt, II and III have sex. Maybe III has decided that Vessel isn't good enough. He knows II must have been good, made III feel what they'd made Vessel feel, if III was that loud, if their pleasure was that great even if he was confused as to why neither of them seemed to actually cum. Vessel doesn't know how to take control like that, never, ever would have dared Before. He could never make III feel that good. It's no wonder they went to II if Vessel wasn't enough.

Vessel... didn't know how to make them feel as good as he did. He wants to, though. To show them how much he loves them in a way they won't get tired of. Maybe they'll stay with him if he's good.

I was trying so hard though, Vessel thinks, pacing back and forth in his room as he holds his arms around himself so tightly it hurts, nails digging into his sides. A silent sob squeezes his lungs, trying to keep up the image of concentration over the bond to make it seem like he was working on something. Its more difficult than trying to fake calm, and it feels wrong to do after III had asked him not to, but Vessel can't help it. They can't know that Vessel is being pathetic over something like this.

He was quiet, and obedient, and Vessel actually ended up enjoying sex for the first time in, well, ever. Vessel knows he slipped up a little bit, but III was kind enough not to hit him over his mistake. They even lied and said they liked it when Vessel bit them. That was so nice of III to do... Vessel didn't deserve that kindness. Didn't deserve III's kindness when Vessel demanded they stay inside, or keep fucking him, that first time. Vessel really shouldn't have done that. Maybe Vessel's actions drove III away and it only took a little while for the infatuation to go away.

Vessel was desperate to punish himself. He needed to. He'd been bad, he knew one wrong move and III would leave him, wouldn't love him anymore. He knew II, fuck- Vessel's beloved II, was far more worthy of III's love and affection. They deserved each other, deserved to be happy. Vessel fears he might get in the way of that.

His claws finally break the skin below his ribs, but the pain does not bring much relief. It brings guilt, and shame. The only thing he can see in his minds eye is the terrified expression on III's face when Vessel had cut into his arm what feels like so long ago. The way II's eyes had seemed to dim, usually such a bright blue, as he forced a smile on his face for Vessel's sake, still giving Vessel kindness he didn't deserve.

Vessel drags his nails, just a little, as he pulls his hands away from his sides. He clasps them tightly around a bicep, holding himself in a hug. The house is silent when he leaves his room, II and III's bonds still fuzzy with sleep. Silent footsteps tread the floor until he reaches II's room, and Vessel is glad the door doesn't creak when he opens it. Minimal light from II's window shines in on the bed, golden rays illuminating the two cuddled together. III, the warmest of the two of them, has kicked off the sheets exposing long legs and some insanely short shorts that make Vessel blush up to his ears. II is curled into his side, face hidden in the space between III's side and arm, only his top half covered by the sheets. His sweatpant-covered legs are entangled with III's, his hair peeking out from under the blanket. Elvira opens her shining eyes to leer at Vessel from her spot curled up at II's feet, tilting her head. Vessel tilts his in return, and for just a moment, cat and vessel to a God stare at each other. Vessel looks away first and accepts defeat with a small huff of a laugh.