Everything Changes-The Summer I Turned Pretty

Twenty Four

"We have no proof," Jeremiah had told me when I started crying. I had a whole mental list I'd been collecting since last night that I could've fired back at him, but I didn't. Instead, I let him hug me and tell me it would be alright. Let him tell me that summer was almost over and then we'd go back home and our lives would feel normal again.

You would think that summers would feel like a dream to me, compared to the rest of the year. But truthfully, it's the rest of the year that doesn't feel real. The months at the beach house with the Conklins are my happiest moments, they're usually days that I dread ending. But they always do, and then I spend the next nine months in school until summer rolls around again.

But now, still laying in Jeremiah's bed–my eyes dried out and probably red–I can't tell what I feel is a dream anymore and what's not. Maybe it's part of growing up, but this summer wasn't like it usually is. Even the summer Mom was sick felt magical compared to this.

It's like, now that we're teenagers, stupid things like drama and dating and depression sneak into our lives and ruin it all. Will life ever feel like it used to?

When diving into the salty ocean waves, I believed mermaids were swimming alongside me?

When digging holes on the beach, I believed when Conrad and Steven and Jeremiah said that I could dig myself all the way to China?

When sitting on the peak of the ferris wheel at the boardwalk, I believed my fingers were just barely too short to touch the stars?

No, I don't think it'll ever feel that way again. Not when Steven leaves summer early to tour colleges with his dad, or Conrad's a dick, or Belly falls in love with one or both of my brothers. Things that have never happened before. Things that never should have happened.

I release a shaky breath and prop myself up to watch Jere play his video games alone. He's not missing out by me quitting, I suck at video games.

He shoots me a quick glance, a flash of nervousness in his eyes, before they crinkle in the corners the way they do when he smiles, and the nervousness melts away. "Hey, we only have an hour before Con and Belly get back." He must've seen his clock on his nightstand behind me. "You know what that means?"

"What?" My voice is rough, and I wince at hearing it. I hate how I sound after crying. That's one of the reasons why I avoid ever doing so to begin with.

"That means," he says. "We need to get ready so that we can leave while they're here and make them jealous that they aren't included in our tourney."

"It's weird that you just called us playing games at an arcade a tourney," I tell him, and I can't help smiling a little. That's probably why he said it, to sound dumb and make me laugh. But he does make a decent point, it would be kind of nice to try making Connie and Belly jealous. I doubt Belly would care much, as long as she has Conrad with her while she misses out, but I believe that Conrad would much rather be playing games with us than dancing. Heck, Conrad never even attended prom when he was in high school. He must actually be in love with Belly, like for real.

Throughout the summer, throughout all Conrad's major mood swings, when he was around Belly he actually did appear kind of happy. And if there's anything to be thankful for through all my issues with Belly this summer, I guess I can at least be grateful that she made Conrad a little less crabby than usual.

Jeremiah finishes the level on his game, then we head downstairs to eat lunch. Mom and Laurel are gone getting their nails done for the debutante ball tonight, so Jere and I have the house to ourselves for now. I'm relieved that I don't have to see Mom again at the moment.

After we eat, I finally change out of my sleeping-shirt and jogging shorts that I wear as pajamas and into a pair of flowy pink shorts and a brown tank top. I fix my hair, pulling it back into a basic braid, and slip my feet into a pair of sandals. I'm ready to meet Jere downstairs and wait for everyone to get home, but then I hear the garage door open and I peek out my window to see who arrived first.

When I see Laurel's station wagon, I slide my curtain back into place and sit down on my bed, my shoulders feeling too heavy to move.

I just need a minute, I tell myself. Soon Conrad will be back too, and things won't feel as awkward downstairs as they would with just the moms, Jere, and I.

I send Jeremiah a quick text, saying that my hair was being more difficult than I planned, and that I wouldn't be down for several more minutes. Then I lay down, press my hands against my pounding temples, and close my eyes.

~Jeremiah~

I feel like I'm sitting on a roller coaster that's constantly going up–an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach along with the fear of dropping.

I lied flat out to Kristin's face, even though I want so badly to believe myself as well. I can only hope she trusts me enough to believe me until Mom tells us herself. I can worry about how mad she'll be at me later, I can't let it ruin Kristin's summer, especially when we're only here for a little more than a week before we go back home.

"Hey, Jere," Laurel says, coming in from the garage.

"Hey!" I say, plastering a grin on my face. I've gotten pretty good at it. Nobody ever asks if I'm okay, even when I don't feel like it, so I must at least look like I am. "How was your pedicure?"

"Manicure," Laurel corrects with a laugh. Mom walks in behind her, and Laur grabs one of her hands. "Your mom and I got matching nails." They show me their fingernails, both the same shade of light green.

"Ooo, snazzy," I say, winking at her.

"Don't act so impressed," Mom jokes, coming towards me and adjusting the rolled sleeves of my Hawaiian shirt. "Where's your sister? I wish she would have come and matched with us, too. And Belly, of course. I feel like us girls haven't done anything together all summer."

"She's in her room fixing her hair," I tell her. "Then we're probably gonna get going."

Mom looks at me, serious. "Are you guys eating? I'm not going to be home tonight to make dinner..."

I put my hand on her arm. "I'm buying us ice cream." I know Kris and I agreed that the loser would buy dessert, but I already know I'm going to win. And I don't feel right making my little sister buy both of us food. Especially after the day she's had already.

"Jere," Mom kisses my cheek. I allow it without pulling away. "You're a great brother."

"Thanks, Mom. Speaking of brothers, there's mine right now." I point behind her at Conrad and Belly, both looking slightly worn out. Belly's still smiling though, and I know she's excited for tonight. I try to ignore my annoyance with her and instead attempt feeling happy that she's going with who she truly wants to. Even if it's Conrad.

"Home already?" Mom asks them. "I was going to try resting for a couple minutes before helping you two get fancied up!"

"Don't worry, Mom. I don't need help," Conrad says quickly.

"Beck," Laurel adds. "You were awake earlier than everyone. I'll get started with Belly if you wanna lay down for a couple minutes." She makes direct eye contact with my mom and holds her attention for a moment.

"Oh, only because you insist," Mom breaks their connection by looking back at me. "Getting old is no joke. Don't grow up too fast, you three."

I gulp and Conrad blinks. My eyes flicker to him quickly but he's not looking at me, he's looking at Mom. Then Belly giggles and he looks at her, his cheeks flushing lightly.

"Susanna, I'll only grow up if I can be just like you."

"Belly," Mom chuckles. "You grow up to be your own person. And right now you're a beautiful young lady. Come on, I want to see you get your dress on, then I'll lay down while your mother redoes your hair. Connie, can you handle your tux alone?"

Conrad nods.

"Perfect."

And with that, Mom leads the way upstairs, followed by Laurel and Belly and Conrad, and I'm alone in the kitchen again.

I hear a buzz against the counter top. My phone is never on silent, so I look to see whose it is.

It's Mom's.

And even though I know I shouldn't, Kris is still upstairs and hasn't texted me back yet, so I have time. I look up at the staircase one more time, then grab Mom's phone and leave out the back door.