Everything Changes-The Summer I Turned Pretty

Twenty Six

I have to admit, their dance was kind of cute. Conrad looked towards our table and smiled out of surprise when he saw me. But the way he looked at Belly was even different. I think she really makes him happy.

As the music slows and softens, Jeremiah reappears. His face is pale and his eyes are red. It feels like someone dropped a rock into the pit of my stomach when I see him.

Mom immediately stands up. "Sunshine, what happened? Are you alright?"

Jeremiah shakes his head. "I don't feel good, I think it was maybe something in the food. But I'm okay, Mom, I swear."

Mom purses her lips and waves over a waiter. "Something was wrong with the shrimp my son ate."

"I'm so sorry, ma'am." The waiter genuinely looked concerned, but also nervous at this confrontation. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Can you please bring him a ginger ale?" Mom asks. Laurel stood up and is by us now, feeling Jere's forehead and asking if he feels alright to drive home.

Jere clears his throat. "I'm fine. Kris and I will leave in a minute. Where's Connie, can I please just talk to him first?"

Laurel looks at him for a moment, appearing deep in thought, before scanning the room. She gestures toward a table of dessert.

"I can get him for you, Jere," I offer but he shakes his head.

"I'll be back, give me one second." Color is returning to his face, though now it's flooding more red than its natural tone.

The waiter hands Mom a ginger ale and Laurel and I sit back down. I overhear Laurel telling Mom that Jeremiah will be right back as I watch Jere walk across the ballroom floor towards Conrad.

My eyes see nothing but them and my mind thinks of nothing other than their interaction, as Jeremiah nearly runs into Conrad and I see his face melt. Conrad stands tall and frozen as Jeremiah runs his hands through his hair and then folds his arms over his stomach.

A lump grows in my throat and the rock in my stomach sinks lower and my head pounds.

When Conrad still doesn't move, Jeremiah grabs the collar of his jacket. That's when a switch must go off in Conrad, and he grabs Jeremiah's shirt and pulls him out of the ballroom.

My eyes flicker to Belly, who had been standing beside Con, and her startled expression before I stand and run toward the exit they took outside.

I'm upset that Belly beat me to them, that she's crying before I am, that she's throwing herself into the middle of their fight.
"I knew you knew, so why was it such a big deal?" Conrad yells. He's laying on the sand, just off the sidewalk, with Jeremiah hovering over him.

Jere's face is directly above Conrad's. "Because you knew and you still acted like an *sshole all summer long! At least I pretended everything was normal!"

"Well I'm sorry I f*cked up and couldn't be as perfect as you," Conrad growls and yanks Jeremiah's shoulders until he is laying flat on the ground beside him.

"You should be," Jeremiah starts before being cut off by Laurel's screams at them to stop and get off the ground and to shape up.

Then she finds her way to me and wraps her arms around me so tight that I snap out of the laser focus I was in, paying attention to only my brothers, and realize that I was crying. Like ugly crying—sobs ripping through my chest and tears streaming down my face unable to stop.

With one arm still wrapped around me, she pulls me forward a few steps and bends down to pull my brothers off the ground. Both of them are crying. Jeremiah is pale again and Conrad has lines of salt trailing from his eyes down his cheeks. I've never seen either of them like this before, and it just makes me feel worse.

The suspicion of Mom being sick again made me anxious, but I didn't realize the way I would feel having it confirmed. I feel like I'm falling into a black hole: something with an unknown outcome, full of surprises and mystery because, afterall, no one truly knows what a black hole is.

And sure, cancer is different because people know what cancer is and how it works. It slowly tries to take over a person's body and that person can choose to fight against it or not. But even if you choose to fight it, the outcome isn't always bright. Sometimes it isn't the cancer which is defeated, but the person themself.
And with all those thoughts and considerations running through my mind only now, I can't imagine how my brothers felt knowing longer than I did.

I feel guilty I wasn't there for them. But I'm also upset that Mom attempted to hide it from us all, so that we couldn't be there for her too.