It Ain't Easy

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Apostrophe - main spoken language is Korean.

Single Dashes - English

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The baby was hollering, and I couldn't figure out what it wanted. It had been crying for nearly 10 minutes. And it was pure hell. Not only had I been thrown into a situation that I willingly tossed myself into, I had no confidence that I could bullshit my way through this anymore. See, my idea was this baby contract was nothing but a cruel torment from Reggie. She was getting her rocks off somewhere, until she poked her head out of the bushes to yell "Surprise".

I fed the baby. I changed the baby. I burped the baby after consulting TunnelVision and watching some videos for expectant mothers. And burp the little wrinkly face child did. Right all over the back of my shirt. Not that it mattered. Another video led me to skin-to-skin contact. I was near to pulling out all of my hair, willing to try anything at this point.

I stripped off the soiled garment quickly and tore off the baby's little outfit too. After a couple diaper changes, I found the baby was a boy -- the hard way [him letting lose all the contents of his bladder in my face]. He laid across my chest in his diaper, wailing away.

TunnelVision's popular uploader Tanji explained to pat the baby's back softly and rock them slowly. I took a deep breath, willing the urge to literally punt the child in the trash away, and slowly began the motions. It took a while, but he eventually settled down.

Putting him down proved difficult. Each time, he would jar awake and start crying again. His little face turning as bright red as tteokbokki sauce. I held him against my bare chest while I tore at my bottom lip skin with my teeth. I was too scared not to have both hands around the small football sized being at all times.

Eventually, the events of today and my wondering mind took a toll. Exhaustion hit pretty hard as I plopped as gently as I could on the couch and conked out with the baby in my arms.

*** into the evening ***

'Waaahhh! What the hell is this?!' yelled Kim Tae as he entered the room, rousing me from my hard sleep. The angle hurt my neck and caused a crick to set in.

Blinking a few times to make the blurriness go away, my gaze drifted aimlessly to find the source of the offending sound before the tiny ticking bomb in my arms woke up screaming.

'What is this?!' he shouted louder, this time causing me to leap into action. The movement stirred up a disgusting smell and made me feel wetness in my lap while I looked wide eyed at my roommate and friend.

I whisper-yelled back at him, no realizing he had an audience. - Shut your fucking lip injected mouth! Do not.. 'Do not!!' - wake this baby!- 'I will -fucking- kill you!'

I never felt so serious about anything in my life. Normally, I wasn't a violent person, but.. if he woke up this baby..

'Whose is it?' asked Seo, a female friend. Tae had her over quite often since they were in the same study group. 'And what is that smell?!'

From the group, I looked down to see me swimming in a literal shit storm of leaky diaper. Leavings exited through the gaps in the sides of the legs and up the back. My whole hand was covered in shit. Growling while rolling my eyes, I stood up carefully, being sure to support the baby's head as I did so. Tae left his friends behind to follow me into the bathroom.

'Whose fucking baby is this, Lucas?!'

As I waited for the water to warm up in the sink, I debated on telling him half-truths due to the NDA. 'Will you go back in there and get me the gray and white bag. It looks like a duffle with bears on it. Please?'

'You aren't dodging this, man. Not by a long shot,' he muttered and stomped off to get what I asked for.

While he was gone, I unfastened the diaper and wasn't surprised to see more of the shit was outside than in. 'You are a shit gun, you know that?' I cooed.

The baby made no noise. His little gray eyes peeked up at me through very sleepy eyelids. His little nose scrunched up and a cute sounding sneeze came out of his body. It spooked a fart out of him, which scared him more. He started to cry, but my laughter changed his mind. With wide curious yet still sleepy eyes, he watched me.

Tae stumbled back into the bathroom with his arms full: diaper bag, baby tub, and a change of clothes for me. I eyed him. 'How generous of you..'

'Yeah, yeah.. You know my kindness isn't free - bitch-. Now spill it!'

'How about I tell you all? It would be easier with your gossiping ass, and I need.. more of your kindness.' I smirked at him. Tae narrowed his eyes into small slits.

'This better be good.'

*** 30 minutes and a screaming baby later ***

'So, he is your son and one of your girlfriends dumped him on you?' repeated Eun another girl from Tae's study group. She was holding and feeding the baby which I was grateful for. They had ordered food for 6 people but the other three dropped out.

'That is what you get for being such a man whore,' called out Tae as he chuckled which earned him a glare from Seo. She and I were a thing way before I met Reggie. We broke it off - it was a wrong time type of relationship, and we worked out better as friends.

'Fuck you, micro-dick,' I chuckled and snagged a piece of fried chicken from the bucket.

He pointed his chopsticks at me and gave me a snarky smile. 'At least, I am smart enough to wrap it up.. instead of your stupid American pull out method..'

I chuckled again sarcastically and added, 'You have evidence that I am getting laid rather than those tall tales of yours..'

Seo snorted in her drink. Luckily she had the baby still on her shoulder with his head turned toward her neck. So none of her beer spewed on his head. Eun passed him to her during Tae and I's very mature exchange.

'Did you forget there are ladies in your presence or what, dumbass?!' Eun asked around a mouth full of black noodles.

Tae eyed her and scoffed. 'I don't see any ladies present..'

My eyes went wide, and I reached for the baby. Seo handed him to me before she smacked Tae upside the head. 'Yaah! What was that for?!'

'Dumb..' Eun giggled shaking her head.

They continued to argue as I held onto my kid.. Yeah, I thought as I looked down at his slow blinking eyes and very bald light-colored head. My son..

A strong emotion blossomed in my chest. The more I thought about it, more I knew it wasn't just heartburn from the extra spice added to one of the dishes. I already formed a bond with this ugly baby. My ugly baby. I sat proudly with the notion that I was a father. And I would strive to be the best father despite not knowing how to do it.

Noise of the touch pad and jingling key chains let us know Posh was home. He had his guitar strapped to his back and a heavy bag from the convenience store down the block. My eyes widened as they took in the haggard sight of my friend.

'Bad day, too?' I asked and made room for him around the table, my baby boy asleep in my arms.