To Love or To Lose

Chapter Thirty-One

Arthit sat alone in his room with the lights on the dim setting. The moonlight was spilling through the bedroom and Arthit was sitting at his desk staring out at the skyline and enjoying a beer. He probably shouldn't be drinking but he didn't know what else to do. He felt saddened and lonely and anxious for Kongpob to return. Most of all, he felt regret. If he'd bucked up and gone with Kongpob to talk with his father then he wouldn't feel so lonely now. Why couldn't he be confident? Why did he have to second guess everything and fear everything? His Kongpob was so brave and Arthit was filled with so much pride, he felt as if his heart would leap out of his chest. Kongpob was ready to sacrifice everything for him and Arthit couldn't ask for anything else. It brought Arthit back to the time where no matter how he had avoided Kongpob and his own feelings, Kongpob never stopped chasing after Arthit and going out of the way to make sure Arthit knew that Kongpob was ready to love and take care of him. It made Arthit think about if Kongpob felt the same as him. Did he believe that Arthit would too do anything for their relationship?

Arthit drank his beer from the bottle slowly, eager for his boyfriend to return. His feelings were so overwhelming that he felt that if he didn't get Kongpob in his arms soon, he would burst. It all seemed unreal. For Kongpob's family to accept their relationship so easily, it seemed like a dream. But maybe they were proof that Arthit didn't have much to fear. Maybe his own parents would be just as accepting because he was their son. Arthit just knew that if he couldn't set one brave foot forward then he would be dooming his relationship to end.

The knocking of the door pulled Arthit from his inner musings.

"Why do you knock, didn't I give the key back?" Arthit questioned as he went to answer the door. Arthit expected to see his boyfriend but was met by Tootah who was leaning against the doorframe. Arthit could smell the alcohol wafting from his friend.

"It's not even 10pm Toot, how can you be drunk now?"

"I'm not drunk, just had a few beers."

"What's up? Why didn't you tell me you were coming over?" Arthit walked away and Tootah followed him inside. He sat back at his desk and continued drinking his beer. Tootah plopped onto the bed.

"I caught one of my flings with someone else at the bar tonight. I got frustrated so I drank some."

"Why do you put up with that stuff?" Arthit asked.

"Because those are the kind of relationships people want with me! We are supposed to be exclusive to each other but then he told me he'd been seeing this guy and me at the same time!"

"You need to be careful of these scumbags."

"And now I need to go and get tested! I thought he was upholding his part of our agreement."

"You shouldn't trust anyone that won't be your boyfriend to be exclusive Toots," Arthit told him.

"I know," Tootah grumbled.

"Me and Kong are getting tested tomorrow you can come with us if you're nervous."

"Will Kong be okay with that? He's possessive of you all the damn time like we aren't your friends."

Arthit gazed at Tootah then looked back out the window. "Leave my boyfriend alone Tootah," he sighed lowly. Tootah looked at his friend carefully. Somehow, Arthit looked...different.

"What's the matter with you? Did Kongpob do something again? Why do you look so sad?"

Arthit sighed hard. "Why are you looking to blame him for something?" Arthit asked.

"Because lately he is to blame for things," Tootah shrugged.

"You do realize that there is a whole hell a lot of shit that happens in our relationship that you know nothing about, right?" Arthit questioned.