Nourishment | Adam Lanza x Reader

CHAPTER 5

I jammed my key into the lock of the house and swung the door open. Its still unusual to have no one in a house. No chatter, no lights, just yourself. I've always been one to appreciate the quiet and the feeling of loneliness but I need company. Something I've had taken away from me. Friday was going to be the first time I actually talk to my real friends in months.

I went directly to message Smiggles, whoever it was. I needed company. I needed to hear his culture rants. I want to hear about his passion for DDR. I'm sure him and Adam would be best friends.

not.y/nz.wurld: Hey Smigglesss!

Smiggles: Someones happy.

not.y/nz.wurld: Honestly, not really. Just happy to talk to you

Smiggles: That doesnt mean much coming from you.

not.y/nz.wurld: Wdym?

Smiggles: Youre always happy to talk to me. Always excited over the small things, but always sad over the little things. Youre a victim, like most people, to culture.

not.y/nz.wurld: Im not a victim Im just weird

Smiggles: Whatever you say, Y/N.

Smiggles: Are you just as fascinated with culture as I am? If so, I have a question.

not.y/nz.wurld: What is it?

Smiggles: Well, obviously love is the aftermath of prolonged depravity and I used to think love is a lie from culture but Now I just dont really know. I think Im in love, but that contradicts all of my previous studies. Anyway, do you think love is something made up by culture?

not.y/nz.wurld: Ooooh, whos the lucky girllll!? Anyway, I think love is real. I mean you feel it. When you look at an animal, you love them. Not romantically, but still love them. Like theres familial, platonic, and obviously romantic. Now whether you think familial love is culture-induced or whatever is up to you cause I dont like my family. Honestly most people in America probably dont.

Smiggles: Thank you, Y/N. Ive just been extremely confused about this. Feelings are Confusing, you know.

I sigh, leaning back into the scratchy computer chair. Im happy that I have Smiggles, Adam, and everyone else in my life. Even Brendon. But never have I felt so alone. This house smells like my grandmother so much. I've lived here for more than enough time to clear the smell, but I cant get it away. Its like a cut that always bleeds.

not.y/nz.wurld: Smiggles?

Smiggles: Yes?

not.y/nz.wurld: You know I hate talking about myself. Ive always forced everyone to talk about themselves so its more enjoyable for them but I just need to talk to someone.

Smiggles: Go ahead. I dont mind.

not.y/nz.wurld: I have everything I could ever want right now. I have someone who I love (though whether or not he reciprocates those feelings I dunno), I have you, and I have my other friends that I see once in a blue moon. My grandmothers dead yet I still have her house. Everything is as perfect as it can get yet I still feel so lonely.

Smiggles: Your grandmother wanted the memory of herself to be passed down to you. She wanted the place where she had her best moments to belong to you. I know nothing of a loving family but I think thats something.

I smiled softly. He always had such a way of describing things. He is a pessimist and.. I guess an anti-culturist(?) but he knew how to comfort me. My fingers traced over the cuts that I did earlier today.

not.y/nz.wurld: Would you ever be interested in meeting me irl?

Smiggles: Why do you ask?

not.y/nz.wurld: We just know each other so well, yk? Idk. Dumb question ig

Smiggles: I dont think theres such a thing as a dumb question as long as its a genuine question. I suppose so, but Im not great at socializing.

not.y/nz.wurld: See, we get each other!!

Smiggles: I live in Connecticut.

not.y/nz.wurld: What!? Really!? Same!!

Smiggles: I live on sort of the Southwestern side of CT. Near New Haven-ish

not.y/nz.wurld: Are you trolling? So am I!

Smiggles: How far is Danbury from you? We could meet up. If youre comfortable, of course. I havent revealed much about myself so I understand if youre tense about it.

not.y/nz.wurld: Not at all!! Hey, Im willing to go to Danbury with you! When? If its on the weekdays itll like Have to be anytime later than 4 because of college.

Smiggles: Is Tuesday good?

not.y/nz.wurld: Not at all!!